He Can't Love You If You Don't Love You - Have The Relationship You Want % (2024)

Hi Sirens
I dont know why all my worst fears are coming true.
I am back to managing X!!!!!!!!!!
Today at office I was walking to balcony and bumped into X. He said “Hi” and I walked away without saying anything. He followed me to the balcony. He stood there with me for some time.
Embarrassing silence. He asked me how I am doing.
Silence
How is health?
Good.
How is allegry? Taking medicines?
Yes.

He suddenly held me at my waist and said “Mee you are losing whatever weight you used to have”.
It was so unexpected and I did not know what to do. I just stared at him, speechless.
He asked again
“Why are you losing so much weight”
Silence
“What is happening?”
I lost control and replied ” You dont worry about that. I will put on weight now that I am on steroids”

He stayed there for some more time asking me which perfume I am wearing and asking me many things. Then he said
“You are not talking to me. I will come back after some time after having made adequate advances”

Then he came to my room. As usual I continued working. Long long 2-3 minutes. He starts again
X:Dont shout at me.”
Me: Pardon Me
X: Dont shout at me
Me: I am not.
X: Dont judge me
Me: silence
X: Dont judge me
Me: I am not
X: Then smile Mee. Smile
Me: Do not command ( I wanted to keep my mouth shut. But I totally losy control).
X: Smile please
I didnt reply. He stayed there making baby faces and asking me this and that. I kept complete silence.
Then he asked me if I have any medicines with me for gastritis. I said no.. He asked again and then said he will go and see if that is there in the medicine box. and left.
I felt angry for some time.
I still feel angry and sad.
How do I deal with this guy???????
I AM PERPLEXED AT HIS AUDACITY
Meemee

Hello Meemee,

What do you want? Do you want him out of your life? Are you entertaining drawing him back in with feeling messages, as Daria suggested? I feel confused about why you said you are back to managing him. How are you using the word “manage” in this context? Do you want him to hang around you and ask questions in between silences?

Brenda
I used the word “manage” because I was so tired of managing myself myself around X, managing my feelings, anger and sadness caused by his presence. Manage in the sense of managing the situation. I didnt mean to say that I am bringing him back in my life and managing him thus. I think that word was quite inappropriate. :(

Brenda, I really want him out of my life. But he sort of comes back with things I never expect. I am really bad at dealing with situations unexpected. Todaye was so totally unexpected.

However hard I try I can not raise my voice to say “get out of my room”.

Meemee

“I don’t have to do anything to make this happen… All I have to do is give love to myself.”

This is a pretty radical shift in energy, in focus, and in your “vibe” – and all by itself…if you can start to talk yourself into this attitude…everything will change for you.

You’ll see the world and every moment in it differently.”

Yes…to all of that…yes…

For me, I didn’t really have to talk myself into that attitude, it sort of hit me over the head with itself…but when it happened, you are correct, everything changed for me.

Thank you Rori.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Meemee,

How ironic that he was saying “don’t shout at me”! I guess that was his way of saying it would be easier to deal with if you did shout or maybe your silence is deafening.

How do you feel when he comes close to you? I get the impression you feel off-guard, vulnerable, and maybe drawn to him? Is it that you are having a hard time completely pushing him away even tho that is what you want?

Why can’t you tell him to leave? Is it outside your comfort zone? Maybe something you’ve never done before?

Since you said you definitely want him out of your life, would it be more your style to say something like this?

“Please don’t come in here anymore. It’s over. I don’t want to talk to you unless it’s work-related. I wish you the best.”

What do you think or feel?

The new newsletter really got to me.
I want to be heard when i talk to my men but I understand telling him want I want him to do isn’t the right way.
Yes, it’s a conversation…so two parties are involved. In that case I need to give him time to respond.

That’s a real practical advice I will definitely follow through with.

Right now I feel really happy. I got quite some things done today – for myself. I feel proud and kind of satisfied but mostly really really happy.

The litle discussion I had last night with my man really got me somewhere. I grew a lot smarter.
And the best: I didn’t feel sad anymore but relieved and happy that we talked about it (in feeling messages). The urge to cry stopped and I fell asleep with a smile on my face!!!

I don’t know how to describe how this shift happens but it definitely has.

“I have to make this happen”… feels like desperation. I must solve this NOW, or my life will be horrible. What do I say? What do I do? I’m going to eff this up or solve everything based on what I say right NOW. What happens right NOW matters. Urgency, yes life feels urgent when “I have to make this happen”. I feel tense writing the words.

“I don’t have to do anything to make this happen… All I have to do is give love to myself”…. feels easy and unrushed. I feel good right where I am. My heart feels open. Everyone sees my heart. It’s no longer hiding behind words or defenses. So no matter what I say the other person feels the love behind the words, even when I feel mad. Feels like relief and deep breaths.

Meemee – X is being outrageous and disrespectful of you and your boundaries. I feel angry with him, but I don’t care why he is the way he is.

Keep on with what you’re doing – you are doing so well, even though it is tiring, and exhausting. Maybe frightening? I so admire how you are handling this situation. I really do.

I have often being caught or trapped in conversations where I was kind of answering someone else’s questions, even though I didn’t want to talk to them. I was brought up to believe that if someone asked me a questions, it was rude to not reply. I wonder if it is the same for you? So I ended up caught in a conversation that wasn’t going anywhere, but also wouldn’t stop, because the other person just kept on asking questions, and I felt obliged to reply.

You have already said to X that you only want to talk to him about work related things. You have stated your boundary, and he ignores it, over and over. This tells me he has no interest in you as yourself – it’s all about him. He will not, or cannot, understand that you are a person in your own right, with rights, and with the right to differ from his opinion.

What if you didn’t have to answer any of his questions, but just said either nothing, or “I don’t want to talk to you.” Whatever he ask, just this, “I don’t want to talk to you.” After 4 or 5 times of you saying this, can you get up and walk away?

If he touches you (which he should not be doing), could you say, “I don’t want you to touch me,” or just “Do not touch me.” And repeat this, or walk away. Don’t try to explain. He does not deserve any explanation.

When you do the walk away, where can you go – ie to someone else, or the cafe, or a shop? The library?

Could you start keeping a written log of all the times he invades your boundaries? Is there anyone senior in your department, or in the wider university, who you could confide in about this – doctor? counsellor? tutor? supervisor? welfare officer? a students’ union officer? I don’t know the right word for this kind of person, but over here we would also have chaplains of different religions, who are often there for students to talk to – may they would be called something different?

Family member who could support you as you talk to someone confidentially at the university? There must be someone. Very often, once a secret comes out in the open, it’s power over us dissolves.What do you think/feel about letting someone else there in to the secret?

I feel anxious that the whole thing is still such a secret – which is what he wants. Over here, this kind of harassment could be formally complained about. And it IS harassment. What happened before with him doesn’t matter. But NOW, you have told him things must change. And he’s not respecting that.

It is fantastic that you are using Rori’s tools so well, and being so able to try them out. But I feel anxious for you that there are so few people in your situation who you can turn too. We Sirens can’t actually be physically present. And just wish you had someone who you could actually see, and talk to, as well as us
on the blog.

Keep checking in with us here, and keep doing nice things for yourself. And protecting yourself from X.

Hi there Rori and Sirens

This post feels so relevant to me and my circumstances..
I feel ashamed and angry at my self for having accepted the unacceptable for three years…
twisted my self in loops to accomodate to his needs for independence…
I am angry at him for turning me in to his enemy,
but I know and feel so guilty about it that i had my part in it…
every time i would try to talk from my needs he would perceive me as a demanding controlling bitch..
even when I talked from my heart and make sure not to blame him, it end up in an argument..
deep down I do blame him and at the same time blame my self…

I know I have to love my self but it feels impossible after so much rejection and abandontment,
my self-stem is nowhere near…

when I met him I was a rock star touring the world and he was my fan..

I have compromised everything for this relationship because I had hope, I believed in him and in my strengh and clarity…

This time I wasn’t going to run away… when things got nasty I was going to stay!!! but this time it was him the one who runed and because I had done it in the past… I understood where he was coming from so I let him run and and comeback over and over but I didn’t do it gracefully …

Now I am an angry mess…

I know that I have to love my self and I try but I feel so drained and exhausted …

How can one believe again that I am a worthy when I have allowed him to treat me so badly…

when I have seen my self as a desperate angry worthless woman through his eyes and my actions …

It’s so difficult to mantain peace within to trust myself again..

I am scared that he will call again and I will not say NO again.

I am scared that he will never call and I will be left with this feeling of being used to the end of my possibilities…

Sorry I don’t know if I am making any sense but I feel so confused and full of pain… and lonely… and punished… I can’t talk to anybody about it ..it’s gone beyond reason..

I have been reading your blog and posts and trying your programs for over a year.. but to be honest probably for the wrong reasons too..

I used to believe i was a goddess and a queen but deep down I found that no matter how many years of therapy and healing, I am still that little frustrated girl that didn’t had any right to have any needs..

I tried CD but couldn’t do it or he would sense it and come back building my hopes again..

I guess I am reaching out to you for empathy and support …

from Spain via London

Jagged Mountain X

Meemee, I trust that you feel uncomfortable in this situation. And yet I feel confused about “his audacity”. From what you’ve written, it seems to me that he is asking if you’re okay. He asks about your weight, your health, your smile. What I am seeing is you staying silent and not saying what you feel in the moment. You are indeed managing Meemee’s emotions and not expressing them except on the blog.

Similar to what Lorelei is saying, I’d repeat this over and over…

“I feel angry. I don’t want to talk to you.”

X:Dont shout at me.
Me: Pardon Me
X: Dont shout at me
Me: “I feel angry. I don’t want to talk to you.”
X: Dont judge me
Me: silence
X: Dont judge me
Me: “Ugh. I feel angry. I don’t want to talk to you.”
X: Then smile Mee. Smile
Me: “I feel furious and unheard. I don’t want to talk to you.”
X: Smile please
me: I feel bored. (Get up and walk out of the room.)

In Meemee’s situation, I see a victim/predator dynamic. It’s familiar to me, because I used to be the victim.

Meemee, I don’t know you well, but I get the impression you are soft-spoken and well-trained to do what you’re told and be polite…is that accurate? And that it’s out of your comfort zone to be “rude”, even when someone has been way beyond rude to you in the past.

I also wonder if you are tempted to give in to his softness….

What do you think/feel?

In Meemee situation I see a man giving good behaviour now. Things have shifted.

Because of the past her, and other Sirens are calling it “attempts to snare her” etc. Well of course. Did u thunk a man is not going to pursue a woman, especially one who has started living herself?

It’s important to ask : is this the behaviour I want?

I would think it would be, from a new man.

This man is doing everything he knows to win Meemee over.

You know the part about warm and in sting when a man changes behaviour? And how we font expect it and it feels overwhelming?

Well here you see it.

Meemee could have probably whatever she wants from this man right now.

In comes: sexual attraction! Meemee feels weird that she feels it when he touches her… But it Diesnt mean anything!

It Diesnt mean she had to sleep with him or do anything she doesn’t want to. It’s a natural attraction of the body that happens when two people have repeatedly slept together…

It doesn’t mean she has to Act on it.

And his advances… They don’t feel good because Meemee is still angry. She u’s very closed off. She’s not expressing her feelings, or don’t wants. She’s making small talk then giving him the silent treatment.

Meemee has to take Babysteps to speaking her feelings in the moment… Start with one, then it will get easier.

Practice a ready one for scenarios that may be unexpected.

And in general Expect that he will try whatever, both good and bad behaviour to win her over.

A man pusyes a woman, it’s up to her to set the parameters of what she doesn’t want and what feels good

Otherwise shell get at best cluelessness, at worst here… A wounded man that plays out his own wounds and isn’t able to heal them in relationship on his own, without boundaries.

@9: Simply Shannon says:
“Meemee, I trust that you feel uncomfortable in this situation. And yet I feel confused about “his audacity”. From what you’ve written, it seems to me that he is asking if you’re okay. He asks about your weight, your health, your smile.”

I’m not confused because I’ve read it before. I find it as creepy as Hell! He asks her to defend why she looks bad, tired, sick, losing weight on and on and on etc He does not “ask” about smiling, he demands that she do so. Yuck, I can’t stand yucky guys who do that.

And further, he is not responsive to her answers, continuing to nag at her. He does not honor her stated boundaries. I do not see any real concern about her in anything he says.

Yuck! Double yuck as far as that goes…

SLV

@12: Daria says:

“…This man is doing everything he knows to win Meemee over…”

Yes, perhaps winning her to give him the relationship he had before. I don’t see that he’s offered her anything different. I don’t see that he’s offered her anything beyond a cup of coffee a few weeks ago.

Sirens can do better than that I think, attract a guy who offers more.

But as you say he might be doing everything he knows…it worked the first time and continued to get him what he wanted for three years!!!

SLV

I feel unheard and angry. I choose to believe that people can change on a dime. I also choose to believe that Meemee is strong and in control of this situation. I will not willingly label anyone (Meemee or myself) a victim. We’re better than that.

When I change, everyone changes.

I used to believe I was a victim and labeled my exhusband as the alcoholic, cheating, part-time-daddy a$$hole. In return, I was labeled the nagging, righteous, no fun b*tch.

Then I changed, and so did he.

Pattern, schmattern. Labels, schmabels.

Daria!
“It doesn’t mean she had to sleep with him or do anything she doesn’t want to. It’s a natural attraction of the body that happens when two people have repeatedly slept together…
It doesn’t mean she has to Act on it.”

I experienced this myself two weeks ago with a CD. My body responded from kissing but I realized I didn’t have to do anything with it. Woohoo!

Slv – yes indeed… Everythng he Knows. He likely doesn’t know how to cout a woman.

If he’s told, I’m not interested in dating until it’s a formal date… He’d likely ask about that..

Continue his usual behaviour, of talk and hugs… If he was told no… He’d withdraw…

Then perhaps actually ask her on a real date ( if he can, with his own issues.. Getright man in my life hasn’t gotten so far yet)

This is a wounded man – he behaves in icky ways due to wounds and is addicted to acting this way. A woman with string boundaries provides an incentive.. Her.. To change behaviour to new better behaviour. This heals him as he now sees himself taking better behaviour (same as we heal, with same incentive… Us)

The date would likely flunk as he doesn’t know how to handle
it.

The woman states feelings and boundaries he tries again, he Improves… He heals…

Simply Shannon – isn’t it amazing? It feels like I’m made of breathing liquid, and like his papi thing could slip inside me in about 2 seconds Through my clothes.

I can feel the energy from his papi thang like a heat, I love that with a man, making my cat jump.

Shannon,

I hear you, and I agree that people can change on a dime. I put that in there about “victim” because when I was a victim, I was not consciously aware of it until several people told me, “Stop playing the victim! You know why he’s hurting you?? Because you let him!”

I started giving myself “bitch” lessons, and I learned how to use my assertive voice.

I thought maybe Meemee could benefit from hearing my feedback on how she sounds like a victim.

My past voice said in one way or another, “Please don’t hurt me! I’ll do anything you say! Just please don’t hurt me!”

I gradually learned, and am learning, that when I speak from a position of strength, picturing myself as a queen on a throne, or what-have-you, that I stop mealy-mouthed patterns that keep me victimized by predators.

I am hoping Meemee will find her assertive voice, too, to command her own life no matter what a man says, does, doesn’t say, or doesn’t do.

What do you think/feel?

I remember when I was a teenager or maybe early 20s, I was listening to an after-school special on TV about bullying. A little girl was taught by her brother to say, “Get the hell out of my way!”

She kept practicing it, and I found myself practicing it with her, realizing how alien those words and that attitude felt in my mouth and heart. That still comes to mind at times when I tend to feel intimidated.

Then I switch into bitch mode in order to hold my boundaries.

Regarding 19 man and my lingerie pictures.

After my last message expressing anger again

He wrote:

Ok I am done talking

II didn’t know what to make of this, it felt bad, but I didn’t want to not respect his decision… Also not wanting to assume what he meant.

Yesterday I got another video about topless women protesting in the Ukraine- to attract attention to their causes.

I liked the video! But I felt bad cuz I saw it in a light of telling ne like He wrote before that I should be doing thus that what I’m doing is not good enough.

I didn’t answer.

Today I opened my mailbox again, and felt inspired to share my feelings. I really like what I wrote!

I feel good about it! Yay.

”

I feel glad to have seen it but also have a bad feeling as I interpreting this … From our past messages… As carrying the intent of telling me that what I am doing is not good enough.

I do not want to tolerate Being told or implied I am not good enough I’m any way or compared to others.

At this point I feel suspicious and dissapointed with heartache feelings.

Also kind of removed and numb.

I dint want to feel this way. I want to feel loved protected seen and honored by the men in my life.

I feel scared. I like you very much.

What do you think?
———— Original Message ————

http%3a%2f%2fwww.cnn.com%2fvideo%2f%23%2fvideo%2fworld%2f2010%2f11%2f20%2fnr.bilchik.topless.protests.cnn%3fhpt%3dT2%3cbr+%2f%3e”

Victimhood, hmmm…i was previously operating from a belief that held that cutting off communication with EUM by blocking his calls, etc. was a victim behavior.

My belief has since changed to one that says it was the absolute appropriate action to take under the circumstances. Zero contact sends the message that I sit in my power, and I am in control, because your actions, your energy, our interactions, is draining me. No mas!

I don’t want to know when or if he tries to contact me, because I have seen enough proof in the pudding that he is not willing or able to make it conducive to both of us participating maturely in a relationship of shared values.

Yes, things CAN change on a dime. If I change, the other person MIGHT change. But. They have to be WILLING to change.

As Course in Miracles say, your darkness will attract the darkness in another, but your Light will also attract darkness…and it does not always transform into light, until such time that it is ready, if ever.

**LiFe**

Also, I did No Contact with no expectations that my walking away might make him a better man, might make him beg me to see him or grovel at my feet.
None of that.

The intention is a complete letting go of the situation, and my only request is to be shown what I most need to know for my own transformation.

Of course I can hear his excuses and defense mechanisms and his blaming echoing in my brain,
because he is churning them over and over in his mind, but I am not giving into them.

There was one place I had forgotten to block and he sent a short message yesterday. It made me see that the blocking needed to be even more complete, which will help to really get those echoes out.

At some point, you just have to take a firm stand and stick by your conviction, aka, firm, strong, healthy boundaries.

**LiFe**

Hello Daria,

something occurred to me… When you were having your hard time, I posted that I feel sorry for your troubles and also jealous that my troubles dont get the attention.
I dont feel good about the second part. I regret I shared that particular feeling, and didnt save it for other time (you know, like rori says we should ask: is this a good time to talk? I didnt, and I presume it wasnt.) I should have kept my mouth shut. I apologise. x

Daria, yes! I have never felt quite so turned on in my life, and we did nothing but kiss. Blew me away and reminded me that the power is completely in me. I can choose to feel turned on at any time. I can even choose what level of turned on I will allow myself to have. Quite eye opening. :-)

Life, I agree with you! I change me, and it may change him (for me) into complete silence, a vapor, a memory only. The dynamic between us changes by either shifting or stopping all together. I become whole again. And he becomes whoever he becomes. Now he knows what a siren is like and so he will be changed by my change, by having known me. I like it.

Sia – whoa! you are trippin Goddess!

I feel concerned that you feel bad about sharing about yourself!

WHAAA??

NEVER!!

ALWAYS PUT YOURSELF FIRST

I feel glad to hear that you did share (tho I probably skipped it – putting myself first)

Don’t SAVE SHARING FEELINGS!!!

ALWAYS SHARE FEELINGS! as quickly as you feel them as possible, in a way that honors you

this helps YOU and ME connect with you, and our relationship TRUTHFUL AND HONEST AND TRUSTING!

“is this a good time to talk… comes in when we are about to INITIATE a talk…”

not in response to a blog

which is FOR YOU

this entire blog is FOR YOU

to practice expressing, yelling , helping, loving, whatever you want!

Notice how Meemee’s post and situation get attention, without feeling draining to me. WE ALL want to help and are drawn in by a feminine woman,

being the fern, sharing…

she is expressing truthfully and honestly,

and it’s magnetic

I feel jealous of this!

JEALOUSY IS GREAT!! JEALOUSY SHOWS ME WHAT I WANT!!

the “bad” feeling of jealousy is fromt houghts saying… “you won’t have that”

but that is BS I love my lil protector voices,

bUT I WILL HAVE IT AND I WILL HAVE IT JUST BY DECLARING IT SO

LIKE I DECLARE THAT I WILL EASILY PAY MY PHONEBILL BEFORE IT GETS ERASED

A li’l off topic here–but I’m wondering if there’s a free site where you Sirens get the astrology information. I get e-mails about sun signs and compatability all the time—-and while I don’t think I totally ‘believe’ in all this stuff–I’m still curious about it.

I put in my birthdate, time and place and got a list of signs–one for each planet. But I don’t know what it means or what to do with the information. (I don’t want to spend $197.00 to buy the “program” :( )

Some of you seem to know quite a lot about this stuff :)

This morning’s letter is such a good topic (Loving Ourselves before a man can love us.) This is my main goal in my life right now—learning to love myself unconditionally…and healing the scared, defensive little girl inside who lives in ‘survival mode’ and doesn’t believe she’s loveable or that she deserves to be loved and adored.)

I’ve been ‘lurking’ around on the internet dating sites. I kind of ‘half’ started a profile so I could keep looking (otherwise they let you look at a few and then it keeps popping up that you have to register and have a profile to keep looking.)

Some days are pretty encouraging—and then other days are really DIScouraging. I don’t know what some of these men are thinking when they choose the photos. Some look like they just woke up or have a hangover (face all bloated and holding a beer bottle) or with their shirts off (taken inside a house—not even, like on the beach or outdoors where it might be appropriate to not be wearing a shirt.) Sheesh!

Also I don’t know why men in the age group I’m looking for (I’m 50) think that all kinds of messy, long, unattended to facial hair is an attractive feature. YUK! (I prefer the clean-cut look.) I’d say that over 50% of the photos are of these grizzly, ‘biker-dude/zztop’ looking characters. I am a child of the 70’s tried-and-true, but even back then, I didn’t like the whole long-hair, bearded face “look” for men.

There’s nothing like kissing (and/or being kissed by) a nice, smooth, freshly shaven face!) Sigh….

I’ve been reading about how to write a good profile and am working with my friend to take some decent, recent pictures of me. Is it possible to not have your pic online for all to see—yet make it available for certain people when they contact you and ask for it? I think I’d prefer doing it that way. (I totally understand why they’d need to see it in order to decide whether to bother meeting.)

Also—I’m not sure if it even pays to look around on those sites if we are not supposed to do the contacting. There’s one guy I kind of want to respond to—there’s something VERY humorous in one of his pics (I’m sure it’s for conversation to see if the person responding recognizes it/notices it and finds it funny for the right reason.) He says he doesn’t want to rule out ‘just friends’ so commenting on the pic seems innocent enough. (A great sense of humor and somewhat like mine is really important to me.) And, seriously, I’m way more interested in the pic and humor behind it than I am in the guy, himself.

What do you Sirens think? What does Rori say about the online thing—I’ve only heard bits and pieces, so I’m not sure if I’m taking it out of context, etc.)

Peace…

Sirens
Today has been mad. X called me and sent messages saying that he wants to talk me and clear certain things. I am pasting the conversation below.
I feel so confused and powerless after this conversation
I need your help. This is a pretty long conversation. But please please read this and tell me what you feel. If you feel like slapping me, send me virtual slaps. I feel so confused after this conversation and need your help so that I will not fall into a trap again.
I am eagerly eagerly waiting for comments from you

X: Mee, so why dont we say something nice to each other like “Mee, i love you”

me: I dont mind saying that to myself. I do say that to myself

X: But Mee, I am telling you that I love you

me: That is a good news. Thank you

X: you are cross

me: In fact, No. I am angry

X: are we going to go beyond mono and bi and tri syllabic conversations

Me: we can try

X: I am sweetie. I am

me: carry on, I am following

X: first of all, I am really very sorry for keeping away. I have reasons but they are not excuses. so i will not share it with them with you. That is, it is not even important. But I agree with you that I shouldn’t have done that. However, I want you to consider for a moment my opinion that probably it was good that I kept away because otherwise with my instability of the last couple of months I would have made life difficult for both of us. Instead i chose to stay away. That is not a good enough reason. That is only a justification. And then, when I see you, I feel like giving you a kiss but that is not possible because somehow time has been really squeezed for me in between these months. I will stop here for a moment for you to respond

me: You can continue

X: I also wanted to say that sometimes I feel it is our lovemaking that is ruining your health because you are not able to take it. And so I feel like staying off you lest I end up really killing you

me: Okay. So be it then.

X: No. it is not that I fully believe in it. These are all my confusions which make me clam up without acting. So it is not like it is really a good worked out reason I have. It simply muddles me all together and add to my other push and pull with all the people around me that makes me so self-stupid

me: silence
X: but Mee, sometimes I like you. Sometimes I hate you. Sometimes I want to run away from you. Sometimes I want to embrace you and plant a deep kiss on your navel, like now. I hate you because I cannot occupy a normal relationship with you for a host of reasons. And second reason I haven’t yet come to terms with your psychology. That is I still feel bizarre sometimes about the psychological touchiness that you have about so many things. Not that I hate it. I only feel like we are very very different people and that’s why I start hating you

me:You can continue doing that. I can not change it.

X: Mee, come budge a little. Make some allowance. Bend your spine. Smile or better still forgive

me: You have not completed I thought

X: take an example from the other day: you had a bad allergy. and so your face was distorted. And so you decided to sit inside your room. Cover yourself up and not only that but also bolt the room. Now this is perfectly fine by me
but you do one more thing. you decide to describe this entire thing in your status message for the world to see.
If you are hiding out of discomfort or shame or ickness, then why display it?
Isn’t it bad faith?
Now this is my puzzle
I can’t understand it.
Probably it is completely normal to so what you did.
But my distorted upbringing makes me read too much into this. Make me place too much load on propriety

me: can you gimme a better example? I want to understand what you are saying

X: well, this was the one i remembered.
But generally you somehow objectify your condition and enact it along with suffering it.
I mean, sometimes I know I have hurt you. That you are pissed off and that you are genuinely upset or violated. But then you are not only genuinely violated and hurt and pissed off. Over and above being all this (which is fine by me) you are also displaying it or say enacting it out for my benefit. Somehow when something is wrong with me there is only one thing. there is my feeling.
But when something is wrong with you there are two things. There is your feeling and then there is your display of that feeling.
The second one disturbs me so much that i just turn away even from the first one. The first one which is indeed a genuine thing. When i am angry i show anger.
when i am sad i show sadness
but you also do one more thing:
you self-consciously choose a mode of affected presentation.
Its like lets say, what happens when a great actor is really suffering from some pain when he is on stage.
But enacting the role of a dying sick man. we will just not be able to understand it. Because what is available is only the pain of the ficton. and this pain of the fiction distorts or blocks our direct dealing with the real pain.
about real pain we do something. clumsily we try band find a solution.
but with this other pain, this fictional pain, we retreat into ourselves and examine the effects it has on us and judge whether it was genuine or not the presentation.

me: I do not understand that
to me it is very simple
I was damn unwell
I was sitting in my room.
and people coming in
i don’t mind that
I entertain all work related stuff

X: in your situation i would have lied. or done something else. not describe your sorry state in such poetic prose. it is in bad faith. again i thought so then. not now. now i am more confused.
me: can i complete? I am not done yet.

X: sure. Sorry

me: then some people come and giggle “what are you doing sitting alone in the room?” “what secret business happening” “why have you bolted ur room” giggle giggle giggle
I tell them in plain english i am unwell and want to be left alone
then i get a lecture on my health
then they ping
asking same questions
I give up
I don’t want to go out.
I feel angry
I write something
I post it as my status message. It is as simple as that. If i bolt my room that is my way of telling people who do not understand plain English
it is a way of not exposing myself to more triggers of anger
it is a way of taking care of myself

X: I like that phrase: care of self
taking care of yourself

me: so you can give me a better example to put your point across

X: no. let me not extend the case.
Probably i was only overreacting with that one example.
if there were many i would have remembered them
if i don’t it means there are not many

me: you can tell me if you have more examples

X: not now baby
now i only have your body and your face in my sight.
now i only have the asymmetrical curve of your hairline on both sides of your forehead in my sight
and your slender waist curving into a mermaid shaped hip
and the tingling fragrance of your perfume “chastity ”

me: I have certain things to say
it can wait if it is sleeping time for you
because I do not like to be suspended

X: no no. say baby

Me: People spend time together and they understand each other.

X: hmmm
but do you agree that we have never had normal conversation
either we are making love or we are in an impossible situation where we are accusing or something like that
that we hardly talk about things in life
llike normally we do with friends
somehow that has not happened
it just takes us to loosen the nerves a bit

me: okay

X: but now let us just force ourselves to make some lovey dovey conversation
if it doesnt come naturally.
Can i tell you what i want now? I want my palm on your waist.

me: But now if I have to do it, i will have to feel safe. and I do not feel safe X

X: hmmmmm
i understand it sweetie
let me try and work it out
let me work the ice out

Me: my commonsense says what I did not get within a relationship, i will not get outside it
I want a man who loves me and adores me. Period
I can not stand it if the man i share my body with is ashamed to be with me
ashamed to be seen with me

X: ok sweetie, this is something i need to really think over. i am not ashamed of you
i am guarding a secret. which i cant let out. It is you

me: I dont expect to marry every man I meet: I dont expect to marry every man I date either

X: but do you expect to date many a man?

me: i dont mind being with a man who might not want to carry me forward in his life for reasons that might arise in the course of the relationship. It is perfectly normal too. But I can not be with a man who does not treat me well.
I so strongly feel you are ashamed of me
ashamed to be with me. I trust those feelings

X: i am not ashamed of you sweetie.
i am afraid of people discovering us, especailly my friends. But somehow i feel breathed down upon. call it persecution complex if you will

Me: I told you many a time that I am tired of doing things to keep things going.

X: sweetie its somehow getting all muddled in my brain of late. But dont think i am not working on it. Only my results are so poor and i am ashamed of it

me: i do the work that a man has to do
i feel less like a woman

X: i guess i am never a man in any relationship
and that causes probelms too
apart from shouting and screaming i hardly do any manly things

me: I am extremely sorry X. If that is the case, I must state it very clearly then that I am looking for a man
who will love me
care for me
cover me with kisses
who makes me melt
who makes me feel like a woman
i want to receive
i am too tired of giving giving giving
I have a life to live. I can take care of myself
but that does not mean that I should lower my expectations from a man

X: so are you basically saying i am no good

me: What i am saying is not a reflection on what you are
its a reflection of what i want

X: i feel powerless in front of such clarity. can i ask you a wrong question?

me: ya

X: i think i should make love to you once. that will clear some fog in my head. and i hope it does with you too. do you agree? without sex we will not know about our love. i may be wrong. correct me.
actually between us what has worked is sex. not words.
or you think i am being the good ol’ man you are fed up with?

me: we always had chances to know through words
but they were never made use of

X: hmmm.
i agree there
but deep inside you there is a clarity which is visible when you shriek and writhe in pain when i am inside you.
i prefer to hurt you like that than to hurt you like this

me: that is a clarity that goes away the moment you clean up after sex and leave
and that, I afraid, is why I never got a single call from you or text from you after sex

X: ya. That is also because we have never had time after sex. Mostly my problem. Mee, wouldnt it hurt you enormously if i turned out to be interested in sex only.

me: Not really. I could figure that out in the last couple of months: but there are more things, better things I can offer as a woman. there are more and better things I can take from a man too. but now that you sort of stated that you were interested only in sex, i feel we should stop this conversation altogether

X: you think so?

me: insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results

X: well then let us stop and begin somewhere else some other time if there is a somewhere and a sometime else than this.
oh ok.
Then actually your insanity point answers my ping about stopping and beginning
so ya.
thats like a nice crash landing

me: thank you for being honest with me

X: anyway, i will not remember this conversation the next time i meet you. you can remind me if you want to. or simply start talking from a random point in time and space and build a new thread altogether
after so many years i have come to believe in one thing. wherever you go and wherever you start and end and whatever you say, you are not faraway from anything. you are not faraway from anywhere. you are just there somewhere.
twenty years from today i could meet you in a hotel lobby in amsterdam and we could go and make love like that is what the world was conspired to do.

me: I still have feelings for you. I was sexually and romantically interested in you. I am not interested in friendship

X: yes baby. but what will do with a man who will not marry you?
Who will insist on a secret relationship?

Me: I told you at the beginning of this conversation that I do not expect to marry every man i meet and date.

X:. and what about the secrecy bit?

me: I cant take that. I believe in one thing – when a man does not want me, I should leave. I should not hang around, I should not suspend myself in the air
I should just leave

X: ok baby let us carry this conversation forward to tomorrow. We have done some things. Now i am feeling slightly sick because my of stomach. If i am awake more time my acid balance will again reverse. until then please be gracious enough to take my kiss in the middle of your thigh. good night sweetie.. See you tomorrow god willing

Me: I like all this. But, I can do it only when I feel safe with you

X: baby sweet, my manhood is craving for you: I will make you feel safe. I cant use my brains to make you feel safe. It takes a full pair of lips and a tongue and a pair of arms to make you feel safe. So what is happening this Thursday at your place?

Me: nothing much. I have an appointment with dr in the evening. But can I ask for something? I will feel better if I can spend some time together with you, not sex. But if your answer is a no and you want only sex, then forget all this.

X: let’s do that sweetie. Will tell you. Probably Thursday is still a good day. Let us work it out by tomorrow

me: there might not be a Thursday if we get things clear in our head tomorrow

X: wow.
As you say sweetie: but whether there is or no Thursday, today my head throbs with the image of your navel and your sex. Good night

Me: Thank you

So this is the conversation. I am feeling shaky. And I even feel I should have cut the conversation in the middle instead of listening to him.
I need help now. I need to get clarity. I do not want to be carried away with his good and nice words.
Meemee

feeling better daria, thank you

yes i too see meemee as very feminine, just that name in itself, so soft and melodic meemeemeemeemeemeemeeemeee

yum

@27: Simply Shannon says:
“Daria, yes! I have never felt quite so turned on in my life, and we did nothing but kiss. Blew me away and reminded me that the power is completely in me. I can choose to feel turned on at any time. I can even choose what level of turned on I will allow myself to have. Quite eye opening. ”

Hi SS:

This is something for me to work on. How did you do this? Get to this level?

SLV

@28 bDaria
“is this a good time to talk… comes in when we are about to INITIATE a talk…”
not in response to a blog
which is FOR YOU
this entire blog is FOR YOU
to practice expressing, yelling , helping, loving, whatever you want!”

Oooooooo! Loving it. I’m breaking out.

SLV

Meemee: For me, this would be enough to walk away:

X: yes baby. but what will do with a man who will not marry you?
Who will insist on a secret relationship?

You were honest here and what you say you should do is most likely what I would do:

me: I cant take that. I believe in one thing – when a man does not want me, I should leave. I should not hang around, I should not suspend myself in the air
I should just leave

Those last words “I should just leave”…his wanting to keep you a secret…all of this feels very sad to me but mostly I want to see you strong and I want to see you fully understand that a secret relationship isn’t enough…not near enough…no matter what else he has to say.

Where you see sweet words from him, I see bottom line…no marriage and a secret affair. Everything else in my mind is him saying “blah blah blah blah”…nothing matters except he isn’t offering you anything you want. I pray for strength for you.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Mercedes
Thanks. The first response! I am thankful. I feel so touched that you sirens are taking time to read and help me. I never got such support ever in my life.

I need a hug now. I feel too shaky after this conversation.

Love

Meemee

Meemee,

Hugs :)

and No More secrets ;)

welcome to a life living in the light.

hugs,
Nikita

Here’s a hug from me too.

Hmmm…I don’t know what else there is to say after this:

“I must state it very clearly then that I am looking for a man
who will love me
care for me
cover me with kisses
who makes me melt
who makes me feel like a woman
i want to receive
i am too tired of giving giving giving
I have a life to live. I can take care of myself
but that does not mean that I should lower my expectations from a man”

Looks like you got this down girl!

Much Love,
Mercedes

@30: PassionatelyPisces says:

“…Also—I’m not sure if it even pays to look around on those sites if we are not supposed to do the contacting…”

I’m doing some of the same thing. I call it “scouting” the sites; I’m more less learning how they work. I’m not ready yet for contacts; don’t even know if I will be. Please post your progress.

Did you see the Eori blog OKCupid post? Lots of how-to-do online dating but mostly how to use that site. I don’t remember Rori’s position on initiating or if she posted one. I’ll re-read the post; it’s a long one!

I believe (this is just me talking and when I learn more I might change my mind…) it’s OK to make one contact and show some interest in the guy’s profile essay. That’s my position so far…

SLV

@41 Jeannette

“…He’s the one with cancer. ….when he wrote me back he sent his message under another title (in subject box) and did not even mention what I said. Any thoughts girls? I need to know what to say to him….’

Yes, he’s the one with cancer and having chemotheraphy. That is probably on his mind a lot and I hope he’s taking the best care of himself that he can.

What can you say to him? Something kind and loving this time would be sweet for both of you.

SLV

“I don’t have to do anything to make this happen… All I have to do is give love to myself.”

You’ll see the world and every moment in it differently.”

I would like that shift to come. I’m almost there, but not quite. I can still feel myself trying to “fix” men and relationships.

I did feel a wonderful shift this weekend, however! It actually might have happened in my sleep, because I awoke understanding the thread that runs through all the men that I have dated.

I chose them unconsciously, not aware of how they each portrayed this one personality trait that I now realize is absolutely critical for me to have in a man.

And one-by-one, I could see how they didn’t have it to give to me.

I’ve always said this “one thing” is something I’d like to have in a man, but now I understand it is critical, and is something that I’ve wanted since I was a little girl.

I’m not sure what to do with it now that I understand very clearly what I need and what I’m looking for – but it sure feels good to know that I can define exactly what I need!!

…and all this time, I always thought that the guys I dated were very different – one from the other. Nope.

Interestingly, the only ex that I couldn’t define as “falling short” in this area is #1CD. hmmmmmm

Jeannette #41 how would it feel to say something like, “Baby, I feel weird because of our conversation today. It sounded like you were saying that I should find someone else to take care of me – meaning not you. I feel so good with you, and want to always keep communicating, so that’s why I’m bringing this up. What do you think?”

Basically… guessing what he’s thinking or feeling is a recipe for disaster. Ask him! (using feeling messages of course)

Simply Shannon, Brenda, Daria,Lorelei, SLV and Sia,
Thanks for your comments. Since I was having this rather long conversation with X, I could not reply. I am reading your posts again and again- they help me- becasue the physical closeness and the conversation with X had made me feel slightly vulnerable and I do not want to be swayed with emotions and hormons now.
I want to think and feel with clarity.

I would really love to know what you think after reading my looooooooooong conversation with X in the light of what we were discussing.

Daria, I really really want to know what you think about it. Your post on attraction and feelings were wonderful- but since two words kept coming in X’s last conversation- SEXUAL ATTRACTION and SECRECY- I would like to know what you think about it.

Meemee

Whoa is this man really saying all that to Meemee? He sounds fuc’kin awesome! I’m only halfway reading tho.

He says paraphrase – like rori – there’s the feeling then how you act about the feeling.

The actions disturb me so much that I cannot act to soothe the original feeling woweowow

I feel Shocked that he’s aware of this I am like gearing Geary eyes of excitement and amazement

Daria,

I feel weird saying it, but I will be bold anyway…

I need a man who is the dominant partner in the relationship. I really feel good when he’s “in charge” of the relationship, and all I need to do is follow his lead. This makes me feel safe, and allows me the space to open up my heart and feel – rather than think – my way through the relationship.

In the past, this has gone into some — umm — alternative places for me, and I felt unreconciled with that. So I would flip back and forth between something alternative and then something straight-laced. I don’t want either extreme, and feel good right in the middle.

But even the straighlaced ones eventually ended because this need in me wasn’t being fulfilled. I always thought it was some other reason, but when I look back at it, I see it very clearly.

So I’m able to look at it with new eyes now! I don’t want the extreme way of doing relationship, but I’m sure that if this is a desire of mine, there is a way to “do” relationship that incorporates the qualities of dominance and alpha male without it feeling weird or lessening my godessness…

I have no idea ‘how’ to do that – I just know what I need! (And it feels good to know!)

“I really feel good when he’s “in charge” of the relationship, and all I need to do is follow his lead.”

Siena – This is awesome. What an amazing thing to want in your man, and you can have this.
xxoo

@36: Mercedes says:

“..Meemee: For me, this would be enough to walk away:
‘X: yes baby. but what will do with a man who will not marry you?
Who will insist on a secret relationship?…’
…Where you see sweet words from him, I see bottom line…no marriage and a secret affair. Everything else in my mind is him saying “blah blah blah blah”…nothing matters except he isn’t offering you anything you want. I pray for strength for you.
Much Love,
Mercedes …”

This is what I see too. In addition he has expressed that he doesn’t believe the expression of your feeling is entirely genuine and he has offered you sex on Thursday. Meemee, I hope for your sake he doesn’t believe he can force you to have sex with him.

Be strong, and focus on the relationship you want. If you want to walk hand in hand in the light of day with a man and then marry him, this is not the man; he has said so.

Who knows, maybe he’ll change tomorrow, maybe he’ll change next year. I see he hasn’t changed now.

SLV

X: not now baby
now i only have your body and your face in my sight.
now i only have the asymmetrical curve of your hairline on both sides of your forehead in my sight
and your slender waist curving into a mermaid shaped hip
and the tingling fragrance of your perfume “chastity ”

me: But now if I have to do it, i will have to feel safe. and I do not feel safe X

X: hmmmmm
i understand it sweetie
let me try and work it out
let me work the ice out

Wowie. Stepping up like a champ here!

This is how my relationship is with K, but know that it’s not that I don’t have a say or that he doesn’t care how I feel or what I want.

It helps that he knows me so well that he has a very good idea about what would make me feel good, but if there is ever doubt, he will ask/consult.

It also doesn’t mean my suggestions or input is not important. All of me is.

This makes for a lovely masculine/feminine energy interchange. Feeling looked after, taken care of, yet I can be authentically me in each and every moment.

Am I making sense? I’m so tired from the move I can barely think.

xxoo

X: i guess i am never a man in any relationship
and that causes probelms too
apart from shouting and screaming i hardly do any manly things

Yup here comes out his insecurities! Good !

I think the clearest thing to do is set a boundary of no secrecy if he wants to date you

Then he’ll either step up and heal himself and be a better man… Or he will keep stuck but you will be moved on and better

yay Daria!

“I do believe I can bring it out in a man by boundaries and softness and Honesty”

Yes, I believe that too… to a certain extent. But I haven’t ever been able to bring it out to the level that I want (or need) it to be.

The only one that had it naturally at the level that I need it – and without being in the ‘extreme’ camp – was #1CD. I thought I was attracted to him for other reasons, but when I really look at it, this one thing was the thing that clicked in my heart with him.

To be honest, I’ve had to learn how to be the type of woman who allows that into my life, too. It’s not easy giving up all relationship management to a man!!

Jeannette,

I don’t know your situation real well, but it sounds like he’s considering the possibility that it may need to be someone else. If he doesn’t know his prognosis or what the future will bring, at least he is operating under a rational thought process.

Maybe he needs to be honest when you speak directly about it–yet chooses not to carry the conversation further because he needs you right now and doesn’t want to chance loosing you.

I have always been the ‘caretaker/nurterer’ in all three of my relationships. With that—and after being a mom for 30+ years I can relate to your feeling overwhelmed and the desire/need to be taken care of—instead of the other way around. (It’s something I definitley WANT when I meet Mr. Right.)

I don’t have any good suggestions about what to say to him, but it sounds like you need to/want to explore this more with him. I’m fumbling here…but I might say something like, “I’m feeling unsure about our conversation earlier…the way it was left kind of hanging there.”

And then if he asks you about it, maybe you could ask him what he meant by, “I hope so.”

I’m thinking he could have meant one of two things: one–he hopes you will stay together so he CAN take care of you. Or…he hopes he will make it through this illness, etc. (I know, I know. I shouldn’t be trying to analyze his comments—just thinking out loud again.)

It’s possible that because he is ill right now that he’s not ‘truly’ available for a healthy relationship–and perhaps, he is not really able to make promises, reassure you, etc. What kind of cancer does he have? Are there other serious health concerns in addition to the cancer diagnosis? I’ve added you both to my prayer list.

Are you having doubts about spending your ‘happily ever after’ doing all the caretaking? In all honesty, I would be thinking about it. I might be thinking that I could be there for him NOW, but might not be able to handle the idea of a lifetime committment, knowing I would, most likely, never be on the recieving end. No blame here. No judging. Just the facts and what would be going through my mind if it were me. I think these kind of thoughts would be considered pretty normal under the circumstances, so don’t beat yourself up inside if you’re feeling guilty when you work through these feelings. It’s the only way <3

SLV,

Yes…I guess I'm 'scouting' also—sounds better than 'lurking' heh heh heh… ;)

I'm not really ready to get the ball rolling either. But when I get really down and feeling hopeless, it helps me to go and look around and check out those sites to remind me that there IS a life out there for me, as soon as I'm ready for it.

I totally know why I haven't attracted anyone yet. As lonley as I get sometimes, I'm just not truly ready for another person in my life. I have too much "inside work" to do—–AND I'm really enjoying my 'freedom' to just "be" and not have to answer to anyone or worry about making someone feel bad, or yada, yada, yada… I like not having any pressure and just going along at my own snail's pace.

I'm going to look for that post you mentioned…thanks for the feedback.

Also…thank you, lola for the information about the vedic astrology. Sounds fun!

Loooool!

X: i guess i am never a man in any relationship
and that causes probelms too
apart from shouting and screaming i hardly do any manly things

What a man way to look at things! Hahaha

Siena – I think when we are brave enough to really be honest: this turns me off… This drains me…

Men have no choice but to bring it out in themselves

@47
47: Jeannette says:

“It is a bit frustrating to me. Life just isn’t easy at times.”

I bet it’s frustrating for him too. How about you give the two of you the gift of sweetness, not nag at him, do a little sweet something-something for both of you. It can be something little, just for the both of you.

My two cents.

SLV

Tinque, it makes perfect sense!

I always thought this was a “nice to have” in a relationship – like, “oh, wouldn’t it be nice if he did xyz.”

But now I know that I won’t be happy without it.

Yay for your move!!

Daria, yes… I hear what you are saying.

But my personality is that I like it when my man requires certain things of me, and HE has boundaries as well.

For instance – if I ever disrespect him, I like it when my man says something like, “that’s enough… I won’t be disrespected by you!”

I’ve tested so many men in this way just to see if they’ll stand up to me. Some have, most have retreated.

There’s no violence or anything like that in here – I just mean when he is strong enough so that I can feel totally safe… and that he doesn’t budge when I test my boundaries.

Meemee – you’re doing great. Just keep consistent on the no secrecy.

In fact, I wouldn’t meet with him in secrecy.

Keep it simple like… I’m not interested in dating a mam in secret.

And just repeat that as necessary.

He is really into you and a very perceptive man who is sensible to a woman’s desires.

He just needs a strong woman to hold her boundaries so he feel safe and step into his man self.

( notice he says he doesn’t act like a man – this shames him – he doesn’t want this – he wants to heal this )

Simply font allow any feel bad behaviour.

And speak feelings clearly and simply – awesome job here! Instead if the previous acting weird coverups he noticed.

He will match your level of self care. He seems ready.

You can do this!

Brava to both

“like there were jagged pieces sticking me everywhere”

YES! Totally! Because feminine is soft and juicy… not jagged. I totally feel the same way with the wrong guy.

How to use and be successful on OKCupid online dating site:

https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/how-to-use-and-be-successful-on-okcupid/#more-2152

SLV

Siena – yes, but anyone can sometime fail a test.

It takes huge courage on my part to say:

I was testing you , I feel uncomfortable and Turned off and unsafe that this was the behavior response. I don’t want this. I feel safe when I can trust that I won’t feel like I’m not able to trust to lean on you.

It also takes huge courage to trust instead of test.

Babysteps for me on this too… Babysteps

Meemee – a woman always feels deeply … Crying at a butterfly is a gift. I am 28.

Yes, that must have felt like awful , for me heartbreak heavy heart feeling and numbness.

I would suggest next time:

This feels horrible. It feels like my heart is breaking and I feel furious and even more crushed and helpless.

I hate this and I do not want it in my life.

I will absolutely Not tolerate being a secret.

And I feel very angry even being proposed this.

Meemee – you hold your boundary. You will not only heal yourself ( you are well on you way now I feel safe about this )

But you will do this man the Hubert favor in the world.

He needs a woman to hold that boundary and show him something to be a man for.

Jeanette @41 – when your fiance said “I hope so” – that he hopes he is the one to take care of you . . . I hear him saying that he hopes he survives his chemo, and he hopes he survives his cancer, that he hopes he stays alive to take care of you.

It might, just might, also be a hint that he is afraid that he might die . . . . . but if so, this is a hard conversation to have with anyone. I sense from your response that perhaps you feel he wants to distance himself from you?? It may just be that he is overwhelmed at the moment just with enduring the effects or the after-effects of the treatment. . . . trying to force him to clarify, he may feel pressurised and not ready or able to clarify, or too ill to clarify . .

I just read this in the Inner Bonding book & wanted to share it:

Personal Power and Softness

Softness is the energy of warmth, tenderness, love and power that emanates from people when they are in their higher selves. At this moment they know and love themselves, do not shame or violate themselves and others, do not seek approval nor fear disapproval, are not self conscious, and do not take personally others’ criticism, anger or rejection. Soft energy radiates from personal power, for when people know who they are, what they want, and how they feel, and they know they have the right to want what they want and feel what they feel, then they can not be dominated, controlled or emotionally hurt by others. When we are in this state of owning our personal power we are beyond weakness, and beyond violence of any kind. We can afford to be soft because we know we are not weak. Being in this state is an ideal, something we can all strive to be in more of the time…

Meemee – cool. Let go of it. That will help you.

As for him, don’t worry what he says… He has to let go of his own tether… On his own time

Daria
Also, he mentioned a dozen times in the conversation that he wants my body. He is sexually attracted. I edited out bits from that because it was so overtly sexual :) :)
Isnt he simply being nice to get me into bed?
He has a Thursday off and free. What if he is only trying to fix me for that?
He said so many nice things, true. But my thoughts are clouded because what really hit me was the last part where he took absolute control and power and said it is going to be a secret affair.

Meemee

I’m the past past women were not less than. They were Goddesses. They still are.

Every man has man inside him.

Not Everyman is in touch with it. The ones who are seek feminine softness.

The ultra feminine woman brings out the man in Everyman.

She will not get pulled off her femininity.

This is what I see rori teaching u’s. How to inspire a man any man to Be a man.

How to be a goddess.

Meemee – he didn’t take poer. He asked you how you’d feel.

He’s not being nice or not – he’s being Honest.

Now you must be strong. There’s nothing more to talk about. YOU initiated talking Thursday. He wants to have sex.

Cancel Thursday and hold on to boundary of no dates in secrecy.

He will continue testing u as per this convo.

Be honest and clear as you have been. Express when something feels good, and when something feels bad. Accept no dates in secrecy.

If u expressed bad feeling, and he responds with mire bad feeling stuff ( didn’t happen here). End the convo.

Some time, later after he gives up in this and sees your boundary is TRUE

He will do his best to step up.

Jeannette – I really like what Siena suggested to tell him.

While I think that indeed it’s insecurity that would make u think he’s moving away… That’s ok.

It’s ok to feel insecure and I think Suenas words captured that in a loving way that is honest and open

Sia – “. The weakness of my inner self was stronger.”

Yep, totally! Me too!

And therein lies the challenge. It’s not so much about attracting a guy – that’s kind of easy, isn’t it?

It’s about becoming the woman who I have to be in order to be able to attract a man who will really do it for me.

Some days that feels impossible.

I know this is a stupid/silly question, but here goes…

On Match.com—if you don’t have your profile filled out (100%) is it still visible? (I don’t want it to be visible until I’m done with it–or whenever I decide to)

It’s only 20% so far, but I’m getting e-mail with potential ‘matches’ and it says along the top of the page (at match, not my e-mail page) that “No one can find you until you finish your profile. Complete yours now” (to me, that suggests it is not visible)

but I’m confused…..

Peace…

And thanks for the link…I found it in the ‘dating’ category list on the right. Very interesting and she covered all the bases of OkCupid. I didn’t even know about that site. :)

Peace…

Meemee:

Gosh, I feel sad hearing about u story…and I leaved it as well :( Please, from the bottom of my heart try to find a book titled ” Disarming the Narcissist” by Wendy T. Behary, LCSW.

To me is the best so far…(I read quite a few) :)

Warm hugs :)

Daria: I just want to say I think you are amazing. I know you are a little bit wary when I compliment you but this is from my heart. You practice and work more than anyone I know…you give great advice and I really do think you are a wonderful person with a great heart.

Much Love,
Mercedes

Meemee,

Thanks for sharing! You come across as shy, and the conversation reads like a romance novel!

It sounds like he is trying. If I were you, the deal breaker would be secrecy. Do you know WHY he is keeping your relationship secret?

I would tell him either you tell all your friends, family, and work associates that I am your lady or I don’t want any kind of relationship with you. If he agrees, you would have an easy job of being sure he kept his end of the agreement: if you just casually talked with people you both know about you and him, you would know instantly if he really told them.

What really matters here tho is how you feel about him after all that. Overnight your feelings should be more clear.

If he won’t bring it out of hiding, then I would end it. But of course it is totally up to you.

Daria,

RE: #89 – I feel the same way about you as Mercedes. I have learned so much from you, and I appreciate the time you have taken to help me with my situation with Ryan!

Love,
Brenda

Jeannette,

For liver cancer, google “colloidal silver”. There is a website with testimonials of people with liver problems who have been HEALED, despite the medical community saying it is incurable! Fruits and veggies help tremendously too, cleansing the body from the inside out, at the cell level. See “Living Health” by Harvey and Marilyn Diamond.

Meemee,

What would he say if you told him you were going to tell everyone you both know that you have a relationship with him?

MEEMEE, I just read your conversation and all I can say is I feel jealous and so proud! Wow. That convo felt GREAT to read. I’m imagining you feel somewhat conflicted right now. Maybe feeling turned on by what he said and yet wanting to say “NO” because of the secrecy issue. He’s testing your boundary. Now you have to decide if it’s really a boundary. If yes, then no dates in secrecy. Period. Totally on board with everything Daria has said here. You did FANTASTIC. I’m taking notes. FANTASTIC. :-)

Siena: Holy flapjacks girl! Synchronicity! I just talked to my girlfriend yesterday about wanting a man who can stand up to me. Cuz let’s face it, any man weaker than me… I’m going to steam roll that fool. I want a dominant man too!

We’ve been talking about submitting to our husbands in my bible study group. The word submission used to make my skin crawl, but just yesterday it all clicked for me. Here’s what I wrote to that same girlfriend late last night…

Let a man lead but only agree to do what feels good to you. Letting a man decide something when you know it feels bad is like allowing your boss to make a horrible decision which will ultimately bankrupt the company.

And just like that I understand submission. It’s not letting a man steam roll me with his decisions but giving him my thoughts/feelings/opinions and then letting him decide. The result of that choice is on HIS head, not mine. What a relief!

I wonder what dominant man will show up to prove this point to me. I say bring it on!

Meemee, I would literally say “I don’t want secrecy.” or “I don’t want sex or dates with someone in secret.” “I don’t want to hide who I’m dating or sleeping with.”

Beyond that, there is nothing left to say. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Then if he pushes still, No, I feel annoyed and bored with this conversation. Goodbye.

Hi Babes and Sirens,

I am BACK .
I am now officially cancer free, I have a gorgeous new Girl (bigger and bolder, match up comes later :) ) AND a tummy tuck …amazing!~!!!!!!!!

I am bigger and smaller in all the right places.
Thanks SO much for all the hugs and encouragement here before surgery (9 hours mastectomy and reconstruction DIEP flap- fully crative accortding to final path report from oncology surgeon.)

So much interesting here i see.

SS, LOL about “holy flapjacks”. Hilarious!

Yes, I meant submission, but it’s so often a misunderstood word that I shy away from it.

I’ve always wanted it – and even in my youngest dating years, tried it on for size. I was so young then that I equated it with “weak” ( which it totally isn’t).

That didn’t feel good, so I flipped to the other extreme – “strong” masculine.

That didn’t feel good, and so now I’ve settled somewhere in the middle.

Like you, I can’t wait (yay!) to see the man who’s on his way. Just the other day, I felt – maybe for the first time in my entire life – that him finding me is inevitable and real.

What a strange, wild ride it’s been!!

Rosa!

Yay!! Celebration!!!

Hooray Rosa!!! I’ve been wondering about you! Woohoo!!

Siena, that is too funny! Submission has been one of topics of our church services for a few weeks as well as a hot topic in my all female bible group. This literally clicked for me last night. Now I know I want a dominant man who can match my strength. I’m done with this playing small crap. I actually believe that being able to respect a man and expect him to lead will heal a man and make him truly dominant. I believe *I* have been holding the reigns which keep this from occurring. Not that I need to fix him but that we will grow together as I learn to submit. Gonna be an interesting ride. Kind of scared just this second. Hmmm… NVs here’s a cookie. Now just to meet my match. Now that’s an interesting choice of words. Off to check online…

So SS and Brenda, yes i agree people can change on a dime. I may just be seeing signs of it in the 5 year imaginary man, who came to see me in hospital yesterday .But definitely I see it in myself ..tee hee.. He has a “girlfriend” in Sydney while living in Auckland himself-sees her every few weeks , tried to keep seeing me and offering crumbs… typical unavailable behaviour. I refused to meet up with him for months once I knew his situation, I closed off my heart completely . But the cancer has opened it. Now he wants to come and care for me for a few days at my house in the country etc etc.

He remains , by definition , unavailable , to ANYONE , but hes funny , great domestically and a wonderful friend so i may just agree. I am going to be weeks recovering and no lifting ANYTHING for 3 to 6 months.It will depend how I feel and if it will benefit ME.

The difference is , I AM THE ONE who has changed. I am in my Siren power as a FRIEND- no benefits possible. And he doesnt know what to do except come closer. I opened my heart and let him approach , I told him how sad I felt about the effect of my illness on hoping to find a good man,dating online etc, because i was confident i was not giving my heart away again to him , i let myself cry (3 tears). THAT is the difference. Lots of feeling messages. Honest feelings. His response is to try and see more of me.

So now he will have to explain all that to his “girlfriend” which may prove interesting but is not my problem. They are NOT engaged (i checked) so i am happy just remaining open. If he approaches I will try and remain totally in my feelings and of course , NO SEX…

which leaves me pondering Mee mees situation.

AND I have plans to stay with friends on their farm , then to swim in Hawaii with the dolphins again with my US friend (Daria you like her hypnosis) and lots more before I go back to work.
I am excited.

Its a NEW DAY.
I am still a SIREN but am joining Major Goddess league.

I am no longer reacting to this man from a weak point of pain or patterning, only choosing my actions from a calm point on my dime..

I have seized the reins and I am riding on and he is clearly in danger of falling off the back so is

SS, “as I learn to submit”

My guess is that he will be learning too, and that you’ll figure it out together.

This (and other things) is the thing that “fit” with me and #1CD, although I wasn’t totally aware of it at that time.

I just knew that he was the first man I had dated in a while who I had no question at all about his sexual preference. He was naturally dominant (altho not domineering). And it had nothing to do with sex.

Other men I dated were “dominant” but were actually fem energy men who compensated by acting dominant I probably met them because like attracts like and I was figuring it out in my own life.

I feel amazed at this new revelation!

SS #106, you go girl!! He gets no more of your energy!

Re #107 – as I read, “people can change on a dime,” the tv announcer in the background spoke those exact words, so that as I read it, I heard it too. Spooky!

It’s just Synchronicity, confirming that this convo is on the right track!!

OOps.

Meemee what a rave …!!!!!!!!!!! Loved all the Rosa’s :)
Thanks gals from me and the new Girl ! (Shes real cute and shes ALL me )

Now Submissive Siena ..what a hot topic.

I have decided that being a strong decisive and powerful alpha woman in work , i respond best to a stronger alpha male ..The unavailable one is just such
a guy..hot as hell..:0 I loved that he got that , really understood it and we played it between us. That was the compromise ..sex was the area where he really got to be MAN , and I got to be ahem..receptive.This never crossed into truly alternate lifestyle stuff. I think do what balances the REST of the relationship.

Now Meemee ..X is smooth , really smooth like hot molten toffee..maybe good when you are in your full power. You are still trying on power shoes. I love that !!You have L Plate Goddess Power Shoes, so keep the distance happening and DATE someone else a little , anyone else , (I am flirting with the guy across the hall who had a urethral reconstruction for F’s sake :) )

If X approaches you may not yet be ready to open your heart and dance in your Power Shoes. I think this is the key here. When you are ready you will quit all the silences and speak softly from your heart (which of course may be “GET THE F OUTTA HERE !”) and follow it with CONGRUENT , actions repeatedly.

In fact you will do the “cracked record” – as someone else wrote, ie keep repeating same statement in same way , average is 3 repetitions for extinction of response. He will get tired and go think of something else. Meanwhile acknowledging sexual needs is fine, to yourself , or here, but not to him because thats the secret male power zone , where once he gets the sex going, you lose your power..hormonally , and orgasms are like SUPERGLUE , sticking you onto him ..(even if its just in fantasy) so you open up for more and more sex , and the whoile cake needs to be on the table first..

Excuse my Mumma tone today , I sound very bossy !!!

SS,

That is why the man is the head* and

The woman is the Heart* in

The biblical relationship-

Heart=feelings

Head=thinking

:)

mwuah!

Siena, it just clicked with me what you were mentioning above. Yes, I want a man who is dominant in every aspect of my life. Hehe. I feel embarrassed. Duh. :blush:

The only man who felt dominant to me (truly dominant and not just domineering – hello Mr. Manly Man) was A. He didn’t take my sh*t but he was not dominant in the bedroom.

So yes, I want a man who leads/is dominant in EVERY aspect of my life. Clarity feels important when sending out vibes to the universe. ;-)

Mee mee as to your question about telling someone directly you dont want secrecy…

Well now , is secrecy a cultural left over in India in dating relationships ?
And really , i recognise myself here so much , until a few months ago , just so hormonally addicted that it undermined my attempts to break away.

Maybe try something like this.? Speak his language.

“Thank you for asking to meet..
However I dont feel excited by secrecy.
In fact sexually I feel icy cold when I am not in a real full and open relationship.
Secrecy is a big turn off.

I accept that for reasons of your own you dont want a real relationship with me. That feels ok with me.

I feel a similar lack of desire for secret sex with you.
I do not want to be friends with benefits.
I do not want to be a side dish.

I want to date and meet the man who will make me the full cordon bleu meal , his special Goddess .
I hear that you are not ready for this .
That feels settled now.

Goodbye

I haven’t read this blog yet, but I was advised to post my situation on here after apparently falling through the cracks on another blog. I’ll try and summarize as best as I can.

I’ve been talking with a man for about a month that I met through mutual friends on Facebook. I’ll call him C. He’s everything I’m looking for in a mate, plus there’s mutual chemistry and attraction.

We talked (via email and text) pretty heavily for a week; things we had in common and were passionate about, things that were going in on our lives, flirting of course, but even some venting and support about current frustrations, strange as that may sound; and it felt very genuine. All of this may sound really fast, but surprisingly it didn’t feel that way, it felt right. At the same time, I was prepared to communicate to him that I wanted to take things slow, once we met in person. And I was eager to meet him to do this, and to see if the chemistry and attraction translated in person.

So after that first week, he asked me out, and I accepted. I was surprised he asked me out at that time because he was about to go out of town, I figured he’d wait until he got back. He had also been flirting with a cold, and I told him some bad stuff was going around but he didn’t take it seriously. So anyway, this sickness apparently got worse, and the day of the date, he asked for a raincheck for after he returned from his trip, and he felt really bad but said we’d get together when he got back. So we continued to talk as normal that day and into the next day, and then I asked him if he’d like to call me sometime (through my experience on a dating website, I learned that many men are so afraid/nervous to talk on the phone, I thought this would be encouraging for him; I now see what a mistake that was). I suddenly stopped hearing from him. I waited a day or so, then I dropped him a quick line, hey I assume you’ve left for your trip, hope you have a good time. He wrote me back a day or two later saying yeah, he’d left, he’s been nonstop on the trip and didn’t have phone service where he was at, and he talked about the trip briefly. I was also learning at the time how men just tyically aren’t multitaskers, and all the knowledgeable/married women I talked to said yeah, I’m probably not going to hear from him while he’s on his trip, I’m lucky I got that email. So I felt good that he took the time to drop me a quick line and had faith that he would be back. I was nervous, but I trusted it. I found out he was back through Facebook, and I dropped him a quick line to say hi, I’m sure you’re busy getting your stuff back together, but just wanted to say hi. I was so excited he was back. (Continual classic mistakes, I’m finding.) We chatted for a minute, he seemed really glad to hear from me, and said yeah he was trying to get everything back in order essentially and said he’d get in touch with me later. All with several smiley faces. I happened to have a free night, which is not common for me, so I thought that’s good timing, I’ll catch up on some stuff at home while I wait for his call/text so I can be available so we can reconnect. I know, another classic mistake. Did he get in touch with me? No. How I responded…

Well first I tried to contact him (text, then Facebook) to see what was going on, not angry, just trying to clarify, did I maybe misunderstand him… nothing. Then I wrote my typical long email telling him off, then went back and reworded it so it didn’t come off as accusatory, really just wanting to clarify what’s going on. But I didn’t send it; instead I called a friend who calmed me down and encouraged me to wait and give him some time.

Since then, I have been working really hard to put to work all of Rori’s advice and tips. The next day, he was obviously still getting caught up with Facebook (he’s a bit of an addict as I am), he posted a couple times how he was sick his entire trip, and it appears to be getting worse and he underestimated the whole thing. I didn’t comment on anything. That night, he texted me saying he was sorry, and that he had been really sick and hardly got any sleep/rest his entire trip. I empathized. I never said it was OK. But I decided to use feeling messages and said I hope you get the rest you need and feel better soon, I miss talking with you like we were. But I still didn’t hear from him.

Every day, it’s been a struggle to not go after him, ask what’s going on, did I do something, yadda yadda yadda. But I’m working hard to ignore him and not chase him. I’ve also been circular dating in its various forms, some of which he must know about since some of it occurs on Facebook (not that I’m purposely trying to put any of it out there, but I’m also not going to hide anything).

So after a week, I was trying to decide whether to continue ignoring him, or just give up, or send him a power speech letter. But I decided to go back to the old stand-bys and sent him a casual text, hey I’m out and about tonight, wanna meet for dinner or drinks? I thought maybe he was feeling too much pressure by the whole thing and thought something casual might lighten things up. Nothing. I know, I should have known better… live and learn.

But then I decided to send the power speech letter. I told him how I was feeling, didn’t focus on him, focused on myself. Didn’t accuse him of anything, didn’t talk about anything else. I said I don’t want to have any pretenses but I felt we had a connection, now I feel ignored, I miss talking with you but I don’t want to chase you. And… he responded! How about that? lol However, his response was rather non-committal. I’m sorry, still getting over this sickness, didn’t mean to avoid you, I think you’re cute and I enjoyed flirting, but don’t feel what we had constituted a connection, happy holidays. So… still trying to wrap my head around his response, and the fact that he did respond. But now that I’ve sent my power speech letter and got this kind of response, I’m not sure where to go from here! I have been seeing someone else, so I guess I’ll keep focusing on that and other things in my life, but I just don’t know what to make of this guy.

I know this is long, I apologize. I hope this doesn’t seem like no big deal to those who are dealing with more serious relationships. But I want to be successful with this and this is my first time putting this new way of dating into action. Any comments or advice would be great. Thanks.

Hi Holly ,

I guess this one comes under the Umbrella of imaginary relationships if you are reading the posts and blogs here.

This was a one week cyber flirt and a date that didnt eventuate. Thats ALL , no matter if you did feel connected . Connecting is best left for real meetings with real men who are in front of you , then go easy on the gas pedal!!!

No need to invest any part of yourself there. Sirens know that its only real when he is in front of you and stepping up , and this is a very long way from some online chat about having a date.

This sort of thing is VERY common online , lots of “tyre kickers” . A real and genuine man will be pressing to meet you . This guy is probably responding to a perception of neediness and even desperation (which please excuse me) I do seem to “hear” in your account of this. Maybe he felt that too?

Online is for fun and flirting but it is not the same as a meeting and it certainly does not mean either party “owes’ the other. I know its easy for us to feel that way when we are invested in it , and there is an ANTIDOTE – the take home advice is , lots of flirting , lots of meetings just as rori suggests , lots of CD’s and read everything here!

Wow,

Tyre kickers wow, I feel awe- inspired by this analogy/metaphor .

Wow……. :shock:

How on target does this feel?, very .

Lol

((hugs)) to you meemee,

meemee, i feel worried reading the following from your convo with X:

“X: hmmm.
i agree there
but deep inside you there is a clarity which is visible when you shriek and writhe in pain when i am inside you.
i prefer to hurt you like that than to hurt you like this
me: that is a clarity that goes away the moment you clean up after sex and leave
and that, I afraid, is why I never got a single call from you or text from you after sex
X: ya. That is also because we have never had time after sex. Mostly my problem. Mee, wouldnt it hurt you enormously if i turned out to be interested in sex only.”

meemee, sex isn’t supposed to hurt and it sounds like it hurts you, really bad.
meaning, when he said this:
“visible when you shriek and writhe in pain when i am inside you.
i prefer to hurt you like that…”

would you feel comfortable to discuss with the sirens whether you feel pain when you’re having sex with X?
i don’t want to pry, but meemee if it hurts and he knows you’re in pain, something is very very off with him…

((hugs))
janjune

Tire kickers….

Wow…..I still feel awe.

Gasp!

This is just a great way to view a man that isn’t stepping up; a tire kicker…..wow…..I love this…..tire kicking isn’t bad, it’s not wrong….., it just isn’t enough for me…. I don’t want my tires kicked,…..you’re welcome to come back when you’re ready to buy….but I don’t want people walking around kicking the tires…… I mean, these are expensive tires and I love my carpet…lol!, ahem, I mean car, I love my car… Hehe

Rosa – thank you… I feel curious what you noticed that you say my thinking is flexible

(I think so too)

Thanks Rosa. I would say the desperation and neediness came after he began ignoring me. There was none of that leading up to that point, and he was pursuing me. But it was more than just occasional online chat; he was texting me every day, how was I doing, how was this or that going, talking about our day. It felt like girlfriend/boyfriend talk, which I tried to stay away from at first, as we were not in a relationship, but I eventually gave in a bit, but I definitely held back to a degree. The online stuff was long emails, like when you have those long talks with a person. It was all real stuff, nothing menial. But I do see what you’re saying, that it is still different from being face to face with a person.

But beyond all that, I will take to heart that it’s not real until the person is in front of you, and everything along that line that you talked about. That’s giving me some perspective.

And I probably seem more invested in this than I should be because I’m really trying to see what happens when I utilize this new approach. If it works out, cool; if not, then it’s a bummer but no biggie. Still trying to make sense of it all, it’ll take some time before I completely stop trying to analyze everything. :)

Thanks again.

:P

i don’t like my lamp rubbed without serious questions…

feeling disappointed slightly

catch me in traffic…

but glad you wanted to see me

:P

SQRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRET

Daria does donut in the intersection… sips her gin and tonic and drives Corvette away from DUI class

Rosa RE:112

You said
“If X approaches you may not yet be ready to open your heart and dance in your Power Shoes. I think this is the key here. When you are ready you will quit all the silences and speak softly from your heart (which of course may be “GET THE F OUTTA HERE !”)”

This brought a smile onto my face :) :)

You are true about the sexual feeling bit. I feel perplexed and lose perspective when I feel turned on (both emotionally and physically). Yesterday when I was talking to him I somehow want to stop the conversation in between lest I forget the boundaries. I wanted to sail to the siren island and tell you sirens all what i was feeling. :

About the mommy tone- that was cool. As you know, at times it takes more than one mommy to bring back the perspective in you.LOL
Hug you
Take good rest
Meemee

daria yes hurting so good is one thing :)
and i hope that is what’s happening with meemee and X

but something in me won’t let it go, so i got back on here to poke my nose in meemee’s business and ask!

because the part of the convo that “grabbed” me in my stomach was
what i copied above and how he cleans up and leaves and how they have never used words and also that X said
“anyway, i will not remember this conversation the next time i meet you. you can remind me if you want to.

it feels very “2-3 Minutes” to me,

Something shifted in my life in the last week. i’m not really sure how to explain it but everything feels much better now. i am ‘changing as a person’ through and through but that is a weird way to put it because really it is just bringing me closer to being myself and to God and love.

i just wanted to check in and say i am doing really good here in Dorothea Land:). I was feeling horrible last week but everything feels shifted.

I actually am NOT for hurting at all anymore… That’s what I learned in my sexperimenting last year…

That and that it doesn’t feel good when the guy is emotionally not into me and we’re not kissing’

even if he likes me as a person and he’s gorgeous and i’m attracted

So now when sexy CD was like

he’s gonna “hurt” me in a good 3way….

im; like NOOOO … i don’t want to get hurt at all…

i want only pleasure… do you think you can provide that for me?

hehe

hi rosa,
glad to have you back! you and your one Girl :) so happy to hear everything went well
you sound like youre feeling goddessey and unstoppable in your Power Shoes :)
I just decided i’d better set my
Power Shoes by the door so i don’t forget to put them on from now on.

i also loving the tyre-kicker visual… looooool
so true of online dating… lol

Aw Daria,

I was rubbing the lamp on behalf of Meemee and Janjune and to see if you liked this tire kicking metaphor :)

Guy humor!! LOL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXLfkh9Jjko&feature=player_embedded

Lol!

That was funny!!!

I love comedy, it’s so truthful ;)

tire kicking triggers Daria to think of her first love boyfriend when she was 18 and they were physically fighting and then he went and cut her car tire with a knife…

Daria ran out to beg him to get his ass inside before the neighbors called the police

then they had to get a new tire the next day because they lived together and her car tire was their transportation

Meemee 31

1
******X: first of all, I am really very sorry for keeping away. I have reasons but they are not excuses. so i will not share it with them with you. That is, it is not even important. But I agree with you that I shouldn’t have done that. However, I want you to consider for a moment my opinion that probably it was good that I kept away because otherwise with my instability of the last couple of months I would have made life difficult for both of us. Instead i chose to stay away. That is not a good enough reason. That is only a justification. ******

He has thought all this time that you were upset only because he vanished 2 months and did not text you.
You had accepted his game with his rules for 3 years.
he never lied to you, he told you he did not want a relationship, yet you accepted sex.
He told you he wanted to keep you secret, you accepted and even helped him to keep you secret.
He did not bother to phone you or care for you during these 3 years, you were calling him and organizing the sexual meetings yourself.
When you don’t organize there are no such meetings as you observed during 2 months.

Logically he thought you were ignoring him lately because he broke some rules INSIDE the game.
He did not think it was the game itself that is killing you.
You did not acknowledge your own pain during 3 years.
There was no way he could acknowledge your pain before you did.
You still have not shown your pain, he still does not know you feel so much pain.
He can’t acknowledge it.

2
******X: I also wanted to say that sometimes I feel it is our lovemaking that is ruining your health because you are not able to take it. And so I feel like staying off you lest I end up really killing you
me: Okay. So be it then.
X: No. it is not that I fully believe in it. These are all my confusions which make me clam up without acting. So it is not like it is really a good worked out reason I have.******

He is referring to your physical pain that is visible when you make love. Which one?
He is not referring to your emotional pain, he has not seen it and you have not told him.
Remember? That day in your work room, you were struggling to resist him and your opted to keep silent and ignore him until you built more inner strength..
You did not use feeling messages that day.
You waited for him to leave your work room before you allowed yourself to cry. He did not see your pain.
You gave him orders like to a child, you told him to not take your cookies.
It sounded like a friend who is playing upset, it sounded part of the game itself.
He did not hear you feel terrible when he treats you as a friend at work and you want to be cherished and protected as his lover. He did not hear you want him as your caring boy friend or you’d rather not see him at all.
You did not tell him your truth, that day. You kept silent.

He observed your symptoms and your silence and he wondered if it was related.
He had to guess what was your silence about!
He SOMETIMES thinks you are ill because you make love with him and it might be better if he stops seeing you all together. But he is not sure.
He is willing to let you be in peace, he is not stalking you or forcing you.

3
****X: ya. That is also because we have never had time after sex. Mostly my problem. Mee, wouldnt it hurt you enormously if i turned out to be interested in sex only.
me: ******Not really******. I could figure that out in the last couple of months: but there are more things, better things I can offer as a woman. there are more and better things I can take from a man too. but now that you sort of stated that you were interested only in sex, i feel we should stop this conversation altogether
X: you think so?*****

Why do you say
“not really”?
You tell us here it is killing you that he wants sex only.
I don’t get that part.

4
******me: insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results
X: well then let us stop and begin somewhere else some other time if there is a somewhere and a sometime else than this.
oh ok.
Then actually your insanity point answers my ping about stopping and beginning
so ya.
thats like a nice crash landing
me: thank you for being honest with me****

He agrees to stop everything.
His reality does not allow real love with you, you said you are not interested in being part of his game time, so for him it is the end of the game.
You are stepping out of his game. He accepts it. You had not stepped out before.

5
****X: anyway, i will not remember this conversation the next time i meet you. you can remind me if you want to. or simply start talking from a random point in time and space and build a new thread altogether
after so many years i have come to believe in one thing. wherever you go and wherever you start and end and whatever you say, you are not faraway from anything. you are not faraway from anywhere. you are just there somewhere.
twenty years from today i could meet you in a hotel lobby in amsterdam and we could go and make love like that is what the world was conspired to do.****

And he philosophizes to say his game with you is intemporal, out of pace and reality. It is his personal imaginary secret garden.
He can meet you within 20 years, the game will be on.
You will make love.
It is like putting aside an electronic game, and finding it back within 20 years, and push the button and play.
It is independent from his real life and circumstances.
And he does not wish friends to know he needs that game.

6
****me: I still have feelings for you. I was sexually and romantically interested in you. I am not interested in friendship
X: yes baby. but what will do with a man who will not marry you?
Who will insist on a secret relationship?*****

He misunderstands you here. He thinks you are asking him to keep seeing you.
So he is saying
“all right you still want to be with me, but I am no use for you because I will not marry you and I will never take you out of secret, so why do you insist?”

7
****Me: I told you at the beginning of this conversation that I do not expect to marry every man i meet and date.
X:. and what about the secrecy bit?****

The vibe switched.
You are not the one keeping him away from you any more. He is the one who broke with you and you are bargaining with him.
You try to convince him he can have you back, you won’t ask him marriage, he should feel safe?
Does it mean you would date him until he meets the girl he will marry?
He gets interested if he can have his same old game back. So, of course, he asks
“Even secrecy?”
Why not , since you are bargaining.

8
(Sorry, I have to leave the blog soon, so in short:)
Then he sees he is getting nowhere speaking with you because you definitively don’t want the same thing from each other and he will get nothing speaking with you
He does not want real life with you, he wants game time, so he attacks sexually.
He dismisses your words, he seduces you speaking of sex.
He is not forcing you but since you were bargaining to get back in the game, he thinks the game is back on.

9
*****I do not want to be carried away with his good and nice words.****

What good and nice words?
That your body is marvelous? You know that, he wants you sexually. Nothing new.
That he wonders if he should stop seeing you because making love might be killing you?
That he can not marry you?
That he can not stop secrecy?
That he has only one evening free and he needs sex?
That he does not get your psychology?
That you should not share words, you should only have sex?

If you mean he was honest and talkative, yes he was.
But he still does not give you what you need.

If you mean a miracle was happening, yes it was.
From a man who does not even text or say hello when he walks by your window, he came to be a man who tells you what he thinks of you.
And who describes your body, your hair, your perfume, and the souvenir of you during love making.
I imagine you were all upside down reading that part.

Yes it is like reading a miracle happening.
The Rori third way did work with you and him so far.
Which allows to hope, why not…. everything is possible under this sun.

But you are not ready yet to face him alone in a private place
DO NOT MEET HIM AT YOUR PLACE AND DO NOT MEET HIM AT HIS PLACE or at a friend’s place.
YOU ARE YOUR WORST ENEMY.
He he he like all of us ;)
HE WILL NOT FORCE YOU, YOU WILL SURRENDER TO HIS KISSES BECAUSE YOU WANT SEX WITH HIM.
YOU STILL HAVE NOT WON THE FIGHT AGAINST YOURSELF.
IT WONT BE LONG BEFORE YOU MASTER YOUR OWN DESIRE BUT IT IS NOT TIME YET.

Everything is possible under this sun..

But it takes you sticking to your new boundaries and never bargaining.

Share your true feelings.

Try to be happy. He said every time you use words, you fight.

That was because you were trapped inside his game.

Today you are not playing his game. No more sex.

You are real and you stop him from dragging you back in game world.

You don’t need to use so many words to tell him what you want;

You act.

He asks to come to your place you say “NO”

no explanation other than “I don’t receive men at my place”.

He asks why?

You repeat “I don’t receive men at my place”

He asks, yes but why?

You say “They take me out on dates, I don’t receive men at my place.”

If he says,” too bad, then good bye”

You use the tools you have used so far to stick to your decision.

He will ask you again .

If he asks you out , you say “yes”

If you meet him out, you forget the old story, you see him as a new date.
You share happiness and enjoy a good time with him.
He needs to be happily surprised by the real meemee.

You both need to feel joyful.
From there , who knows…

xxx

Now Daria ,

The flexibility I see is in being able to put on any shoes you choose, that is be empathic in solid court shoes, or play the devils advocate in red pumps , to be able to stand back and watch yourself stamping and steaming in naughty little girl Mary-Janes or vamping it in steamy Goddess sequinned heels or whatever shoes you chose and appreciating all the different pairs and knowingly choosing which ones to wear. thats flexibility .

I believe opinions are meant to be expressions of thought and feeling , not trenches into which we dig ourselves. When we are moulded by life experience and truly open to change then we can hold opinions lightly according to the feeling and the moment . Thats what i aim for.

Rosa – ooooh i love the shoes… feels exciting and fun!

I bet you’re referring to or picking up on my expressions about thoughts and beliefs not being real…

I read recently most of The 4 Agreements – Toltec Wisdom

very much clarified Rori’s stuff… same dealio

So, um…ladies… Since we’re here I’d like to share something.

I saw Mr.big doing something and I asked him- oh are you……?

And he said…no, I was….and then I …..but I’m not…. I just….

I said…oh, so….I caught you in time before you ……..

He said, …..no, because I’m not…..I just…..I’m going to……,…..instead….I just……and then…..so then….

I said, oh ok….so maybe…?

He said,…….no, not even,……I just….and then….but I’m ….Hey! What am I explaining for!?!?!?!!!!!!??

I said, ….I dunno….(shrugs shoulders,surprised that he was explaining-yes or no is cool) …… Ok….so…..,….nite

;)

Anyways,

The vibe I got was….”why am I explaining?, I don’t have to answer to you.” I’m me….and I am either accepted or accepted lol,
We were both surprised he was explaining…he was using a lot of words- when the question was just playful and not serious….but I felt really impatient listening….but I listened because I thought it was going to go somewhere and as saw it wasn’t going anywhere I felt uncomfortable cuz it didn’t matter….it was yes. Or NO…lol…… That was fun…..and for sure I want to explain as little as possible ;)

Rosa

It is lovely to see you good and smiling.

Wow, I was wondering if he would dare go pass your words and visit you anyway :)
He did!
It feels good to read your news.

xxx

LONEPLUM – wow AWESOME!! yes I didn’t see that she didn’t share the emotional pain, and hasn’t said NO to secrecy yet

yesyes! you picked up on important stuff!

Feeling admiring!!

LOVE YOU LONEPLUM

PLUM!
#147
i wish i had known you when i was married so you could have broken my husband’s behavior down for me like that! amazing, your insight into men… :)

however X played his game with meemee though, meemee is left to deal with the fallout… this is what i feel concern for…

but i do love the way you broke the whole game (X’s game) down :)

you have, in my opinion, the “wisdom of the ages” dear plum, and i look forward to every one of your comments.

Plum,

That was amazingly well reasoned, lengthy but you captured everything i was too exhausted to attempt to pull apart. Applause +++++++++++++++

The ambivalence of Meemee deserves a chapter in itself , but a pendulum is a great thing Meemee because as it swings it begins to generate kinetic energy , and thats whats gonna get you up in the saddle and cantering off leaving him clinging to the tail and dragging in the dirt…..

You said it all for ME too Plum .Thats why i so endorse it , and possibly for many in “recovery” here. My earlier posts today mentioned my situation. You are so spot on .

READ THIS CLOSELY MEEMEE _ PLUM IS RIGHT.

I think I must have reached the third way . I have decided to let G man (the 5 yr imaginary lover) come and care for me if he wants , imaginary girlfriend or not ..because there is NO SEX now between us. I have credibility too because of the cancer and major major surgery , he HAS to respect and not tempt and tease me , i cant even walk up stairs for F’s sake. But dont get me wrong the attraction is only greater than ever it seems. He had manly red eyes when he hugged me and left me here in my hospital bed to return to the girl friend he is visiting for a week.

He asked to come back to me tro care for me, he talked of moving back to this City if he can get work and back to where he used to live…across the road from me that is , and nowhere near the GF….one confused guy, but guess what , I am too busy riding on to notice :)

Its like cancer has given us hope of a maybe possible something or other in the future, all i know is , i am not invested like I used to be , and he cant seem to stay away. This may just be the Third Way , but if not , hes a great cook and cleaner :)

ok so i did something:

remember i need 30 dollars to pay tomorrow, and i have 20 dollars in my paypal account – to save my turned off phone number from expiring

I WANT this number.

I had it for 12 years.

ok.

so my mom gave me a certain amount to pay for DUI class

she came and asked me this weekend, about it, nicer tho

she said they decided they were going to help me

i said oh

i hadnt asked for help

anyway

today she asked about it and i said yes i will go

so we went

she acted rude to me as she gave me the money

she said Thank You… before I got a chance to

she did that twice tonite…

but anyway that’s not what i was gonna write about

THE THING IS

I got an idea, and when i got to the front i paid 30 dollars less. I was guessing i was able to

I felt guilty and tense… and also…

someone said something to me on the bus, and it was something i was thinking already, and even my mom had said it to me

Don’t YOU do anything to hurt yourself

so

this is For me… to help me…

I have been crying and frustrated for a couple of days over this 30 dollars

i asked a whole bunch of men today

so now i have it

I still need to find someway to get someone to pay it for me with a card… then transfer my paypal money to them and give/send them the cash

I don’t know who… because a lot of people i know in person don’t use paypal

Any volunteers here who have paypal ? would not cost you money, I will paypal you first , then send a money order.

You’d have to trust me for 30 dollars tho till money order comes.

***

so i’m feeling strange… i felt kinda tense… and guilty, but not VERY

i kinda feel like im taking care of myself

and i kinda feel concerned that this is Not good for relationship

and I still want to do what’s best for ME – because this is what I’m doing now

NOT hurting myself

hmm

so I am trying this

i am confessing here

I didn’t tell my mom, I said the paying went “fine”

I feel guilty

and I feel angry a bit

I haven’t actually asked for help to pay

I now have 10 days to pay the 30 dollars to the DUI place… that i held out

and tomorrow is the day to pay my phone

I feel … good and jumpy and tense and a lil scared

like I’m carrying a big red diamond in my coat or something

hmm

I feel curious

I would like to learn from this in a way that feels good

thank you ANGELS!

Daria the Shoes are the voices, the moods, the whims and moments and also they are who you are at the time you state a feeling..

And The Four Agreements is on my list ..

hi dorothea,
if you feel like it, i’d love to hear about your nutrition.
ive been changing mine too, to less chemicals and can feel a big difference.

i’m on a very tight budget right now, very tight, and yet have been able to buy “staples” like organic eggs, tongol tuna, some organic fresh fruit and veges on sale (and frozen) and organic cereal, potatoes, beans and rice, a little bit of meat and fish for the same money as conventional.

i mean my diet is not very varied but i don’t care!

So happy to hear about you getting that shift you got, where you’re closer ot G*d and yourself!

:) this is quite a journey, isn’t it? :)

I feel a bit sad and guilty to think that I am not being open with my mom

that I am hiding something from her

I wonder would I cheat on my man?

I don’t want to…

I want to feel open

But i’d feel furious and NOT want a man that would give me money for ONE thing of his decision, getting in my business and pressing me about this that concerns ME…

and Not for another thing that is important to me

I feel like… not seen in that way

I don’t know if she’d give me the money for phone

but i told her my issue and she did not offer

HMM

I found out I could apply for GA (general assistance)

and NOT pay for my program

one of the guys whose house I slept at in my homeless 2 days told me to apply… i felt scared

I remember my girl DID apply tho one time and she lived with her parents here down the street

I feel scared that “it will be on record” … terrors from growing up under a Big Brother government

and that my parents won’t approve

I am thinking they would rather pay FOR me, DESPITE me, 1800 dollars of my expense, than for me to apply for GA for having no income

hmm

like the whole Bankruptcy thing

hmm

and they/ mom seemed all pissy about it while they do it too

like she presses me about it, Takes over my stuff, says she has decided to help me, then is rude and mean to me while doing it

I don’t like this

I would like to heal this…

thank you

i would like real help

like help that I ask, hey, I need/want help, will you help me?

and then they’re like, oh yes we will what do you need?

or no, i dont want to

/NOT TAKEOVER help…

not THANK YOU sarcastic to ME before I get a chance to say thank you!

wtf

im feeling pist now

ugh

I don’t feel safe to tell my mom I want to pay my phone bill

even tho i CRIED AND CRIED and felt so desperate about it

i don’t think she would care

i feel alone and isolated

i don’t want that

hmmm

Daria 28
quote******this entire blog is FOR YOU

to practice expressing, yelling , helping, loving, whatever you want!******

Thank you so much for allowing freedom of expression
lol

Rosa – gotcha! yes the shoes are my many voices hehe

I love being lots of different ways

I’m INTO That

it’s my thing

kinda goes with my shattering prejudices and belief systems by presenting soemthing expected one way and then it turns out to be different and

TADAH

me shifting trickster Goddess

daria!

a big red diamond in your coat! looool

if i had the money id send you thirety dollars… you’ve certainly worked hard enough to get it the universe should give it up just on that basis if you ask me… :)

if you got the money this month, do you have a plan for paying the phone bill next month?
i mean what plan can you make that will solve the problem so it doesn’t keep coming up for you?
i feel awful seeing you in distress when your quest is to live life feeling good.

ouch i feel a bit miffed by Plum’s words

i feel angry “wtf are you talking about” is a thought of someone who feels angry

yeah well

i can’t very much go across the internet and grab someone’s hands and stop them from typing can i

but I can say that I DON’t like when people attack and put down the purpose of the blog

or maybe it’s just MY trigger reading it and plum meant

Thank you Daria for illuminating the purpose of the blog

i don’t know

i feel mistrustful tho

tightness in lower jawbone

tightness in heart

mountain lion pauses with front paw in air

eyes are fixing in on a target

hmm

she doesn’t want to expend the energy to run

her belly is full

mountain lion’s spine feels tight

she feels quivering in her back loins

the spring is being reabsorbed

her claws are pulsating

what shall she do with the attack energy she pulled up

mountain lion doesn’t know what to do with that yet

she sighs

relaxing a little

she feels sad

mountain lion turns around
takes a mouthful of grass

her back quarters just stopped twitching

her claws are achy now

mountain lion feels sad

mountain lion doesn’t liek feeling sad

she feels not loved

she feels not understood

she feels big and heavy

and she decides to let herself feel it

so shes sinking now

janjune – i want the universe and men to give me money

thank you yes

i am babystepping to this too

i don’t really know how/what/even what direction

just babystepping

…

i got the 30 dollars now

***

what would help me is for someone to pay my phone bill online (metro pcs)

and I can send them Paypal money now… 20…

and mail them a money order in 30…

oh just realized, they’d have to give me an address for that

hmm

**
nm

I will have to find someone with paypal around here in person

**

I just thought of someone!

hope he has paypal

Janjune
Okay. How do I start!!!
Well, X is the first one I had an intercourse with. I has one boyfriend before and we stayed together but I never had proper sex. So practically, X is the one I lost my virginity to and he knows this too.

The act of sex is painful for me at times. But I always associated it with other issues. He would abscond and will not call or text for weeks and then he will come home and we make love. Most of the times I was so unprepared emotionally. I meant to say, I knew if he is coming, we will have sex. But I wanted to spend time with him and wanted to be loved and romanced by him. But he will always be in a hurry and we usually got 3 or 4 hours together. I like to be hugged and kissed generously. He does it alright but he is a bit rough. I liked it too at times. But it used to hurt. I told him once that it hurts me during sex and he said he will be careful. But it was still painful and I told him a second time. It was after sex and I hugged him and told him my doctor asked me to do more foreplay so that I will feel less nervous and more relaxed. He smiled and said “May be you should ask your lady doctor to demonstrate how to do it with her husband and you will know how to avoid pain” (I dont remember his exact words, but it was something to that effect)

I felt so embarrassed and I did not bring it up again. When I told him about that he always replied he will be careful and I never felt so.

I do enjoy the hugging and kissing and heavy petting. But the times he spent with me were so short that I felt slightly uncomfortable and worried that he will be leaving soon after the act and stuff like that. Also there were long gaps of non communication and then all of a sudden sex when I was unprepared. But I liked spending time with him so I did not object.

He likes it when I feel the pain. He told me so. He said that adds to the sensuality (whatever that means). He is the only one I ever slept with and I did not know how guys work.

hmmm. What else would I tell you! I will add as and when I remember things. Talking about this feels so new to me. I could never talk about it to my friends because of the secrecy business. :( :(

Meemee

well he said no

=(

i felt kinda weird cuz he sounded a bit like he doesn’t want to hang out with me any more

anyway he doesn’t have paypal and he’s scared to set it up with his check card because of online fraud dangers

i know that’s what paypal is actually FOR

anyway…
yeah i haven’t hung out with him in awhile

he used to date me, but never kissed me, and then got hit on by one of my girls who was REALLY attrociously masculine energy and

too consumed by her anxiety

anyway he hasn’t much been hanging out with me since labor day

when he left the freakin spilled ash in my yard

i didnt think he would but he did

well
shrug said my body

feeling a bit said said my pout

mealting over and clumpling and hanging my head said my body

i love my rumpling

i love my head hanging

and that feels like

smile

i love my smile and that feels like HE

i want to ask my mom to help me tomorrow

that will feel nice

and if she does, i can go pay this money directly to the dui people

and feel peaceful

i love my feelings

sigh

i love my sigh

meemee,
yes, i’d wondered if X was not taking time for you to as we say, get in the mood.
It SHOULDN’t hurt.
If it hurts something is wrong, either something your doctor could help you with or he needs to take more time for you to be ready.

its supposed to feel the BEST.

also, meemee, since you have had only one lover i will tell you that *I* would be cautious if a man gets more pleasure out of sex when he sees that it’s hurting me physically.
this is not the NORM.
rough play, etc., it’s all up to each person what’s okay with them and what isn’t, but it isn’t what most men get turned on by and more importantly, it doesn’t sound like you like it.

Meemee – hmm

my guess is guys like it when “you feel pain” because they are THINKING that this is how it’s supposed to be, and that “they are doing something”

I don’t think it means they are sick or something

I think it’s just that they are also inexperienced and don’t have the concept of what good sex is supposed to feel like to the woman

I think that he could feel just as well when he is making a woman feel good… he just doesn’t know the difference and thinks that hurting is cool

i think women make this issue too

rough sex and all that, and pain is pleasure etc

well not really

rough could be cool, but if it feels good

at least for me, i know i always and with almost every man tolerated pain

but I’m not going to anymore

and yes, foreplay and FEELING SAFE and LOVED has a /LOT to do with how PHYSICAL sex feels sometimes

meemee,
i’m glad you’re going home.
i’m going to bed.

whatever has happened between you and X can be over.
whatever mistakes have been made, whatever you didn’t know, it’s all just your life and your business and you have your own path to walk and you’re walking it, that’s all any of us can do is try to live with no regrets, accept our past and make the future different.
i agree with loneplum you are working your way toward mastery in your life and will get there!
we all will :)
you will make the right decisions and will learn what you want and don’t want in the process.

i’m saying a prayer for you tonight for comfort and peace in your heart and mind.
((huggs))

that’s a good point daria— the being inexperienced part and maybe he’s thinking that’s the way it should be…

im glad you bring the male perspective to the table here (but not in male voice!)
balance

i, however, just don’t know what to think, but feel something’s off…

Meemee , later when you read this , this is for you.

Internal pain “deep dyspareunia” is most commonly caused by ovulation , chlamydia infection and endometriosis . These things are all diagnosable and fixable . i suggest your doc should take swabs and ultrasound test to be sure your fertility is kept safe for the future.

More surface, superficial or initial pain is often psychologically and time related , lack of foreplay, lack of fluids/lubrication, lack of experience and knowledge. Also common yeast infections can feel like sandpaper and are even more common I have noticed in women who are unhappy in the RELATIONSHIP that the sex is part of. I have come to think of this as an “unhappy vagina” . It wants to repel the cause of the inner pain , ie HIM.There are several other very common infections , herpes , trichomonas etc..all could be a cause. Get checked out please as per above recommendation. I work in this area . I sort this stuff out daily.

Its not normal to want to hurt a woman with sex. Its sadistic.He obviously gets off on it. Some people enjoy BDSM but I think experience will in time help you know the difference .

Do not think this is a healthy sex situation please. I echo Plum ..DONT GO THERE> and add this, get sorted please.

“If we owe our life to someone and if someone has done something Godlike to us, in India this is what we do: we bow down and touch their feet with our hands and then touch our eyes with those hands.”

How beautiful.
I now sincerely want to do this to my surgeons.

They would probably think they gave me too much anaesthetic!!!

And besides I cant get anywhere NEAR my feet ..ouchieee I am wearing an abdominal BINDER…:)

hi Sirens!

I just caught up with all the reading (cause I slept the past 8 hours, now it’s 9.15a.m.)

I am really sorry, Meemee, to hear all that.
I hope you really stick to your boundaries. I mean… especially the one: NO secrecy. I would stop caring for now about the other issues, but when he comes up and wants to talk to you into meeting with him just say and repeat the one sentence: No meetings in secrecy.
Either he gives in to that…or he has to leave.

Today I feel really good, happy, straight-forward and enthusiastic.
I need to study for an upcoming exam and I started yesterday and now feel soo proud that I did.
And the feeling talk with my man I think really payed off a little.
I send him the daily “good-night” email talking about my evening – but in lots of feeling messages.
And although he was really busy (well…he was at work :D) he answered immediately. He often didn’t used to do that when he was really busy and stressed out. And he was not just saying good night and giving this regular “kiss”, but he also wrote a few more lines, e.g. that he hopes that I sleep well AND that he was thinking of me.

Those last two sentences sound actually really lame… but I felt happy, extremely. Cause he hadn’t been doing that very often lately.

I will stick to the feeling messages and I think i am getting better and better and using it with everyone I talk to.

Even if they just ask “how is everything going”, I don’t say: it’s going okay, but I say: I feel great/or not so great.

And I am looking forward to more contact now with my man if he keeps up with how he has been the past days.
Or rather: I keep up with what I am doing, listening to my feelings and trying to find things that make me happy!

INSPIRED EXCITED!!!

http://www.videoconversionformula.com/plv2

I’m watching THIS!! a woman that teaches how to use videos to market yourself online…

I got it from Jena LaFlame (sp?) who does weightloss the feminine way – pleasure, savoring, breathing,

I GOT THE IDEA TO DO A RELATIONSHIP DATING WOMEN’s EMPOWERMENT program

THRU VIDEO!!

It will be like Rori’s e-letters…

but I will teach each tool, ON VIDEO!

So i will demonstrate the Dance Position

the hundred men exercise

the 5 second eye look

and it will be ALL short VIDEOS!!!

of course I’ll be “stealing” Rori’s concepts and everything

but they will be The Daria Way

Rori will support me I know it

oh wow!

Dressing liek a Goddess! on video!!

WOWIES!!!!

=)))))

feeling excited!!

I wonder how i can set this up so it will be healthy and blessed and be a business for me!

Siena?

Daria, I would love to see all that.
I am so interested in that and what to get to know it…but cant afford it right now.
I got one book with some tools and i always read the newsletters and what’s talked about here.

But i’d like to know so much more for example about the Dance Position.

Leo – yes it might be easier to describe while on video right!

Dance Position is standing up straight and relaxed like our spine is a Rose stem, or a tree

let attention gravity sink into our hips … feel our center of gravity in our hips

shoulders roll Out softly (not back hard military style)

arms around our sides, Palms facing Front and open

put one foot behind

lean weight on back foot some

relax

relax mouth and lips

Unzipper heart

whew!

I add this

three power doors:

1squeeze nani slightly

2straighten lower back (so no curve)

3straighten back of neck , letting chin come in and down slightly – so it feels like spine is straight, and like a string is suspending head from the crown

ok

just focusing on gravity in hips and keeping the three power doors open is GREAT

will keep u looking AMAZING anywhere

allow all other feelings/tensions, in tummy , neck, wherever they are to happen

and continuously return body to the position nonetheless

anything else, beside spine… MELT

like candle wax

daria – thanks for describing it to me.
I tried it out just now.
It’s interesting… but comfortable.

Only the “chin slightly down” won’t work with my man… cause I always have to look up at him :D

mm

– its not about that chin slightly down

BTW thats not part of Rori’s expression

what happens is, the chin GOES down, as you push the back of your neck back

So that your head BALANCES as if from a string on a crown

once you FEEL it – like its balancing from a string all the way to your spine (will help if you are holding the nani slightly squeezed at bottom and the lower back also straight, body weight low in hips)

once you FEEL your head balanced, you will of course be able to move head around

but what happens as you adjust the position is that the chin naturally tucks in slightly

the head is held high like a queen, no matter what is going on

if you watch RHIANNA, the singer, she holds herself this way…

I noticed it in a video of her purchasing a ticket.. her neck stayed straight

it has a Regal Air

I believe Yaya, from an old season of America’s Next Top Model… also has this

they always told her she looked like a queen

I will actually feel my neck bend in beautifuly ways when i get in this position

it is an AMAZING feeling and is simply impossible to not notice a person carrying themselves this way

oh by the way.
I bought myself a little journal, one I really liked the look of. It’s a read and tiny journal.
First: It was something I bought just for myself and for pleasure. No need, only – pleasure!
Second: I carry it around. As I said it’s really tiny so it fits in every purse. And whenever I feel like I write my feelings down.

It’s so fun, good for me to figure out what i truely feel, and it’s a nice practice to use feeling messages.
In the back of the journal i put a little list with maaaany feeling words. So sometimes I look through that list until I find a word that really explains my feeling.

this 3 powers is My addition to rori’s stance,

but I believe is included in her stance she just didn’t describe it this way…

I got them from a book on Chi Gung and sexual energy

one of the Standing Positions in this practice is actually pretty much Rori’s dance position

I don’t think she got it from there

but magic is universal

once someone can tap in to the energies, they will Get it… it will click

***

here’s some more tips

put tongue on roof of mouth just behind upper teeth, don’t push… this should help relax mouth

pull up slightly on nani

straighten spine

relax hips and waist (feel the Weight drop into the hips)

relax and drop shoulders, shoulder blades move out… turn palms to face forward relaxedly (that’s how this feminine position differs from the chi gung stance taught in the book)

Activate the Cranial flow by pulling chin in and straightening the back of your neck. This causes your neck to lengthen and head to rise up.

Feel, or imagine as if the Crown point on top of your skull is held suspended, as if hanging from a string.

***

I am using the book here

http://books.google.com/books?id=MXfhQISxL-UC&pg=PA83&lpg=PA83&dq=hair+breathing&source=bl&ots=GaJkhp40Oc&sig=-2M9FQg7WI0_nZ_e6EQlUPXIqFc&hl=en&ei=tZ7rTMy7HIy8sAOXuaGPDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=3&sqi=2&ved=0CCAQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=hair%20breathing&f=false

page 47 for the basic stance,

which for Rori’s stance is gonna be adjusted to one leg back ( a later stance)

and palms turned out and unzippering heart — scary!! and vulnerable

i love the Cranial “pump” i want a new name for it hehe

the MOST

when i straighten the back of my neck and my neck lengthens

and my head floats from that string

no matter how i move my head

if i am keeping the back of my neck straight

my head is held HIGH i feel so QUEENLY and amazing

it feels scary to hold my head high, and i just let the fear play straight through my body

while making sure to hold my power pumps open anyway
and its WOW

It actually starts at page 45

tightening the Back of the leg some helps us make sure we’re leanign back (wow glad /I reread)

activating the Sacral pump by pulling in the lower Sacrum… as you do this the lower abdomen feels slightly pulled in – this is like the Guest Article Rori had a couple years ago from Andrea Albright i Believe, about our core, and i can FEEL it

relax and drop your hips as if you are about to sit down – this helps drop the Gravity into the hips

OHHH so glad I am rereading this

I am making a blogpost -\

It is also easy to get a FEEL for this posture if you Put something to carry on top of your head and hold on to it with one hand for balance (tho people in many parts of the world can do it without hands)

Actually I can :D
We did that in my sports team in order to practice. Tighten the whole body with the book on your head. Then try to loosen up as many parts of your body as possible without letting the book fall down.

You immediately stand straight but later on relaxed too.

daria,

i wanted to clarify:)
i felt better you didnt mind what i said
but i dont agree 100% with your view of the purpose of the blog
I dont think there can be both putting myself (everybody) first at all times and a community

Dear all,
I read all the posts and feeling overwhelmed.
Loneplum’s post was the biggest wake up call!!!
I did not even know or notice the bargaining mode I had slipped into. The dissection she did was the most amazing one I have ever seen, but that makes me feel embarrassed and miserable too- to know that I failed once again.
I feel ashamed.
But I am gonna buck up.
Now when I started writing this blog I felt like a 5 year old who comes back home and says “Mommy, I messed it up again”!!!!! :( :( :(

I am feeling tired because I am underslept and on medication for allergy.

Meemee

hi meemee,

sorry you are feeling bad
and that you are hard on yourself
even tough seasoned soldiers can break down when subjected to brainwashing techniques

a see strength in your posts as well, not just bargaining. and it is growing. well done to you

hi callista,
yes, saying you are uncomfortable sounds ok.
if he is pressing, repeat i am uncomfortable talking about this. i dont want to talk about this.

as far as sirens advise, giving explanations doesnt work.

Meemee @ 207

And you are still doing well now. You are telling us about a very, very awkward and very personal situation, and I feel for you and I admire your ability to share, and to make changes. I know, and all the other Sirens know, that when we are making big adjustments in our lives, and in how we treat ourselves, and how we allow others to treat us, that there are lots of steps on the way. None us gets it right all the time, or ever, probably. I don’t want you to feel you are the only one on here who feels she doesn’t always manage Rori’s tools perfectly, or who feels unsure. I do. And many of us do.

When I look back and realise I could have handled a situation differently, I need still need other people to tell me that my REALISATION is itself a step forward. So I want to tell you: your realisation is itself a step forward. You realise that you might want to do something differently next time . . that is a step forward. Without that realisation, you might not be able to take the next step.

I felt a bit confused whether the long conversation with X was online, or in person. . . . but I agree with Plum. I read it again, and I still feel that he is a man who is using a lot of smooth-sounding seductive words to compliment you, with the intention of starting to have secret sex with you again. I feel worried that even if he will talk to you a bit, this might sound very crude, and it is all about him, not you, but he might see some conversation as the price he has to pay to get sex with you.

And he may be confused also – because when you saw him, you said and showed you didn’t want to talk. And then you do talk, about intimate matters to him – is this online? If you don’t want to talk to him, then could you experiment with just never answering him online? It might be easier than in person!

His apparent enjoyment of your physical pain during sex, makes me feel terrible. A good man would care about how it is for you . . . and would stop. And what he said about how his love-making may kill you . . well, it’s hard to tell at this distance whether this is a threat, or a joke about how overcome with pleasure he expects you to be. But you’ve mentioned before that he has issued vague threats . . I also feel worried that he has other secret women (all the stuff you mentioned previously about how he has to keep you secret for, and he is unable even to explain why), and he may also be spreading sexually transmitted diseases around you all.

Some Sirens may think I am assuming a lot about him, and judging him. Maybe I am. But here is what I think. There are men it is better to have no contact, or only professional contact with, and no personal time on our own with them. And there are men who, in the end, cannot hear our feeling messages. This is in Rori’s Toxic Men.

And while I believe everyone can change, not everyone will, or not for years. There are some men who, sadly, will not change, no matter what feeling messages we use . . . but you would need the Toxic Men programme to see what Rori means about this.

@210 Callista

It depends… Does he really want to know? Some people use that phrase as a way to say “how do you do?” and you can respond using the equivalent of “very well thank you, how are you?

“It’s a secret.”
“I never discuss my love life.”
“I feel weird talking about my love life to you, why do you want to know?”
“I’m dating and meeting new people, what about you?”
“I’m still single, what about you?”
“My fine love life is fine, how’s yours?”
“Details?, Oh, I never give details.”

Much depends upon the person, the relationship, and the context of the conversation.

SLV

@212 Lorelei

“…And there are men who, in the end, cannot hear our feeling messages…”

Yes, Lorelei, Mr X tells her he does not accept what he says either to him or to others. He tells her she is exaggerating for efffect. I felt sad to read that; it was so dismissive. Silvery-tongued but dismissive.

SLV

correction:

Mr X tells her he does not accept what she says either to him or to others. He tells her she is exaggerating for efffect. I felt sad to read that; it was so dismissive. Silvery-tongued but dismissive.

SLV

Re: the last post, I took another look and saw that she is 25, he is 46! He’s old enough to be her father. Maybe that short relationship is just for her to learn and to then work on herself (as my mother would say), feel better and date guys her own age. That might be her true happiness.

https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/he-cant-love-you-if-you-dont-love-you/comment-page-5/#comment-78669

SLV

scarlet

‘I’d love to know the boundaries of LOVING ONSELF, because it could turn to selfish. ‘

i struggle with this too. i didnt actually find anything to this topic on the blog, eg where there is a line between compassion and overfunctioning.
Bob Grant says woman should put her heart first, which has a different feel to it than putting oneself first.
I hope somebody will have a take on this.

On a rather different note, an update on my dating.

I emailed CatMan that I felt weird about seeing a second online profile for him, giving an older age. He emailed back admitting he didn’t like getting older, and had deducted a few years. He said, sorry to be such a disappointment. I just emailed back saying, “Thank you for explaining, it’s not the actual, but I feel as if the ‘CV’ had been ‘adjusted.'” Also that I felt unsure about how to go on.

He is a businessman, he does a lot of hiring and firing, and I hope he gets that I feel as queasy seeing that the goods are not as advertised, as he might when recruiting.

And it’s my truth. I do feel far queasier about than I guessed I would. I understand the temptation to lie about age on line, I really do, I nearly did myself! But I realise that I have more respect for the guys who put their real age, than for those who try to attract us with dodgy ages.

I am surprised it matters so much to me. Though his real age does make him nearly 10 years older, which is a lot. But maybe . . this is the kind of thing that, if I really liked him, it wouldn’t matter as much, and I would see the funny side. As, after a second date, I felt we really weren’t clicking at a number of levels, and I didn’t like him so much, maybe the online lie seems more unattractive still . .

@220 Meant to say, ‘It’s not the actual age.”

Some things I type seem to get lost in the post.

@220 Lorelei

“…. Though his real age does make him nearly 10 years older, which is a lot….”

hmmmmmm, I wonder since he’s thinking it doesn’t matter about you dating him, at nearly 10 years older, does that also mean he’s dating women 10 years older” I’d ask him, are you also seeking to date women (what’s the range?) 68 to 70????? :razz:

Inquiring minds (at least one) want to know… :lol:

I’m bad sometimes…

SLV

222: Lorelei says:
Can’t get that link to work, SLV @ 218

I just clicked and checked, it works for me. But it’s the top of the page anyway–the current and last post.

SLV

@Meemee

“I got back to reading. I leaned back on my chair.
They stay there for another 5 seconds.
Then Mr.X asks his girlfriend ‘Have you fought with Mee?’ ”

Meemee, strange “goings on” here. I’ll be glad when you get another guy. I know you will and as someone commented, probably Honey, then when you think of Mr. X you’ll say…”What the Hell was I thinking?” I think every woman alive has had that thought…I know I have!

SLV

SLV @ 223 – ha ha ha ha. Tempting, but he’s not worth the trouble!

More updates later about WaveMan (500 miles away) who is now planning to combine a business trip with a trip to my home town to meet me, in about two weeks time!!! He stepped beautifully when I gently feeling messages that I wouldn’t feel good about visiting his home for a weekend as a first date. Have to go now.

“”What the Hell was I thinking?” I think every woman alive has had that thought… ”

Hahaha, yes, I actually have had that with my first “boyfriend”. :D
(I just enjoyed the thought of having a boyfriend…:D but no real feelings from my side. )

Though the man I am with now – is my real first.
Cause I really love him back!

I feel happy right now. Actually I have had a real good day (it’s already 5p.m.).
I felt happy, strong, enthusiastic, self-assured, and just bright as the sun.
Or I liked to compare myself to a flower: Head-straight up, gorgeous, pretty, strong, happy, shining!

But then an hour ago my best friend ( a guy) asked if I was sad or something…cause I looked lately like I was.

That kinda got to me…it confused me cause I don’t understand why he got that impression…
I feel sad, mad, irritated, confused and self-conscious.

Mad…cause I do feel happy!

Meemee, Plum is right and insightful. Don’t believe things like he’d change in a drop of a dime. No. He won’t. It’s not three months affair that he needs to get to know you. It’s three years and his behavior has been consistently disrespectful and unloving and inconsiderate. It is 300% unacceptable. Not only he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to be serious with you, he is not even considerate and proper when you have sex. If you still has doubt and hope, I’d be more direct and brutal. X has used you for sex for three years. He never stops looks and pursues other girls, but until he finds somebody he wants to be serious, he will need you for sex. Period. When he disappeared for two months, very likely he found somebody else, but it didn’t work out, so he came back to you as a safe bet. He was not just confused or indecisive or fearful. He is a terrible human being. And you let him to treat you badly. This has to stop. Otherwise you won’t learn to love yourself. You’re not a girl who can handle casual sex without emotional involvement with him. So dump him!!!! This is the only way to love yourself and re-establish your self-esteem. A Bad Man can destroy a woman. Don’t go any further and any sex with him with any remote hope that he could change. NO! There was enough time passed and he had lost his respect inside of him.

and he is not a nice man!!! period. you might not be able to see it, but people outside can see it clearly.

please excuse me being direct and forthcoming. Sometimes we all need a knock on the head to wake up from our hopeful dream and our wishful thinking.

“I’d love to know the boundaries of LOVING ONESELF”

The line between loving oneself and being selfish and self-centered is subtle yet huge.
If you are thinking you are loving yourself, this would be the first alert that this is not true self-love, for you would be all in your head.
Let’s say you observe someone close to you behaving as if hurt, looking forlorn, neglected, sad, would you continue to be all wrapped up in yourself, taking care of you and only you, ignoring the apparent cry for attention and love?
A woman who loves herself would not be loving herself very well if she is causing pain in or ignoring another.
Her “spillover” indeed spreads love, but there will not be any extra if her fountain has only one teeny tiny one directional, one dimensional spout.
Self-love includes compassion and care for others, and this can be successfully attained without overfunctioning.
xxoo

Thanks Sia. You’re right. When we are learning a new concept and method, we need to know the boundary. Loving oneself can easily turn into being self-centered and always wants our own way. Being strong can also conflicted with being vulnerable. I need to know the specific example of boundaries between them.

Rori, this is the time we need to hear your feedback and input. Thanks.

231. In order for MeeMee to dump him, in every sense of the word, there has to be no entertaining thoughts of sex with him, whatsoever.

That is a big part of what worked for me, seriously.

But it’s that dang man-crack.

She’s still addicted to the oxytocin effect,
which is the ropes that keeps her tied to
him, and he’s in her workplace, very much
a part of her daily social milieu.

It can’t be easy for her.

I had the benefit of distance and it was still very difficult.

Cutting strings technique:

Imagine you are holding a giant scissors
or a machete. Hold it out in front of you
and starting near the top of your head, with
conviction and enthusiasm and the intention
to free yourself of your ties to this person,

slice those ropes all around your body, see them
break and separate, and watch
him as he hurtles backwards, getting smaller and smaller, into a black hole in the distance

Repeat as necessary

She has to, of course, desire to free herself

but, the romance novel and dramatic aspect may also be a drug and a kind of dysfunctional way to feel less lonely.

I wouldn’t recommend Rori Third Way to MeeMee with this man at this stage. He hasn’t been presented with the clear boundaries yet, and she needs to be more firm in her power. Then he has to acknowledge them and accept these boundaries.

One baby step at a time

Meemee! No you didn’t fail! That’s not true. Your NVs may quietly sit in the corner. You did wonderfully! What I’m sensing is that you feel conflicted about your feelings around this man. He wants you and maybe you want him too. It’s okay if you want sex with this man. If what you want is sex AND a relationship out in the open, then this man may not be the right man for you. That’s all. It’s okay that you wanted sex with him for three years. NOW you’re realizing that may not be enough. (Or maybe it is. That is for you to decide.) It’s even okay if you like more painful sex. Some people like it that way! And if you don’t, well… now you know.

That’s kind of why I mentioned you deciding if this is really a boundary for you or not. There are so many possibilities. This is all about how you view yourself in a relationship or around sex. YOU are choosing what MEEMEE wants. And whatever YOU choose is okay!

Plum gave you valuable insight. (Plum, I LOVED what you wrote. Like someone else said, you wrote that for me!) Now you take what Meemee wants and leave the rest. YOU get to decide what you want. No more letting anyone else decide what’s best for Meemee.

You are doing great! You’re noticing and deciding what you want!!

tinque, thank you!!

what do you think of not always stating your feelings, out of compassion?
I was thinking recently about the time I awaited diagnostic surgery and I wasnt capable of thinking or talking about anything but my fears, but none of my friends said that they feel drained and tired of listening. Although they did. They have been so good to me.

‘I’d love to know the boundaries of LOVING ONESELF, because it could turn to selfish. ‘

Scarlet, i read your post and immediately thought of
the book The Four Agreements, and then I read some other recent posts and saw that it had been mentioned here as illuminating Rori concepts,
and I agree.

so yes, I would definitely recommend this book in helping to clarify the in’s and out’s of staying true to oneself without having an agenda.

some thoughts…

It really helps to not be a martyr…being all selfless and giving and stuff and then resenting it when she feels all depleted because she isn’t getting anything back. That is giving with an agenda.

Also what is key is loving, approving of and accepting yourself, as you are, continually.

Loving Oneself properly is selfish, but in a good way,
that benefits others, your only motive is to see others happy, not for what you can get out of it,
not a “it’s all about me, look how wonderful I am” self-centered way.

**LiFe**

I have found being in a deeply intimate relationship that “my” way is not so defined and separate from “his” way. They tend to blend and merge and morph into “our” way in a lovely and organic way. If there even are two different ways to start with.

Nothing for me thus far has been SO important that we have been ever stuck in a logjam. I can imagine all ways as being exciting and potentially wonderful. Maybe I tend to be more flowy with life, but for me I have found that when I keep myself open to possibility, conflicts such as you describe just don’t happen. I suppose it helps he is this way too.

When you state your “I don’t wants” clearly, if he loves you he will listen. If he states his “he doesn’t wants” and they differ from yours, you will love him and listen.

There is now room for negotiation if it’s needed.

xxoo

237.

Scarlet, I believe we need to get clear on what is really important to us. What is negotiable and what is non-negotiable.

As an example on a practical level, if I don’t care how the towels are folded, but my partner does, either let him have the job of folding the towels the way he likes them, or I fold them the way he likes them, because I don’t care one way or the other.

I think it comes down to compromise. (there’s that word again…hope it doesn’t kick up a sh*tstorm of controversy again…LOL!!

**LiFe**

thank you, tinque

it speaks to me
i feel very clear now

i hope nobody is going to sink their teeth into the ‘martyrdom’ word:)

Daria,

I have an idea. E-mail me please :)

235
Life is too short

“In order for MeeMee to dump him, in every sense of the word, there has to be no entertaining thoughts of sex with him, whatsoever”.

Can you tell me more on this?
I think, I think of him that way because he is the only one I can associate such feelings as of now :(

Meemee

Meemee, although that’s the way you associated with him, you actually want more from him. That’s why you have to stop have any contact with him, otherwise you’d always have hope and misery at the same time. You’d actually become his sex slave.

that was how I felt with a much nicer and gentler man who can’t decide our relationship. I thought maybe if I change or behaved differently, he might change. NO. Girl! Now he is with somebody twenty years younger than me.

when a guy say that he wants you to be secret, he means it. It means he doesn’t love you or think you’re “good’ enough for him. YOu should always believe him and never think you can change him.

girls could be changed sometimes, but not guys. Unless initially they are crazy about you and you have a normal relationship.

So don’t hold any unrealistic dream or hope. Believe me. I had wasted 6 years of my life with a man who treated me much better than this X guy to you. It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t love you and he’s not for you. Leave him and have a more normal life with a normal man!!!!

Meemee,

Thanks for sharing your story. It feels really empowering to imagine myself in your place, saying all the right words. I also feel angry about this X guy. Don’t let him make you doubt yourself.

I want to hug you because you make me feel proud and supportive. :-)

I have a slightly unusual situation devlopping, maybe, with a man I met at Salsa, in another town. He’s 18 years younger than me, so 31. He’s a very considerate and straightforward man, who actually seems older than his years somehow.

He often arranges private Salsa practice sessions with women from the group, so he can practice his lead. And he made it very clear, when he first asked me about this, that it was “purely platonic” and that he had a girlfriend, even though they do not see each other much.

We’ve had some practice sessions together, and it’s useful, and fun, and purely platonic. All this happened as my marriage was breaking down and I have always leant back, and used feeling messages with him, for the sake of practice, rather than attracting him.

But now he’s getting back in touch, and has sent me a very long email, saying how much he admires my strength in getting divorced, and wishes me well for a new beginning. He also asks me not to think he is being too forward in saying this.

He then provides a very long paragraph, detailing his life, from birth to now, a sort of resume, complete with his address.

Up to now, I have always taken contact with him as just friendship. Now, I’m a bit more curious about what is going on here . . It feels, um, as if there might be a bit more behind it . . but I’m not very attracted to the resume approach!

Any thoughts, feelings, reactions?

I am reposting this because it may inspire you to feel liberated from toxic men.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TywZyET3ktY

Dar Williams. As Cool As I Am.

246
Oh MeeMee, you know, my heart is breaking for you.

because I see myself a long time ago, with my first love, who re-surfaced a year ago, and the whole ordeal I went through this year to finally be free of almost exactly what you are saying here:

“I think, I think of him that way because he is the only one I can associate such feelings as of now :(”

Because of my identification with those pure, innocent, extremely sexual, sensual, i cannot live without this man feelings (and we never even consummated it back then) that were burned into my brain synapses for three years in my late teens,
and how it did not end so nicely for me, and made me think less of myself, because I didn’t know better,

it seemed that no other man, no other relationship with a man would ever measure up or make me happy, like I *thought* I was with that one.

All these years, I was holding on to a fantasy.

You know the monkey bars on the playground, where you swing from bar to bar? Well, I did not want to let go of one bar to swing to the next one…
so I stayed there, in one place, not moving…stuck…

…a cucumber can be made into a pickle,

but a pickle cannot be made back into a cucumber…

I had to let go of this fantasy that was based on ghosts and a person that I know longer am, so that I can attract the perfect relationship for me, as I am NOW…so now I am the pickle who cannot turn back into the cucumber….

so MeeMee, I see you are afraid to let this go, even though it is not serving you at all, not good for you, and a big reason for that is because it is all you know. It is scary, yes, because you will feel lost and wonder if you will ever find love with a man.

Allow yourself to explore your attractions to other available men who express interest in you, this will help with the transition,

make a sincere effort not to compare them to how you felt about X, because he was your first, etc.

I don’t want it to take as long for you as it did for me, sweet girl, because life is too short not to be happy..

Please feel free to ask me anything else, or for any clarification,

I am going to be busy preparing for guests on Thursday today, but I will check in…

much love,
**LiFe**

Hi Sirens!

This might sound a little stupid (it does in my head) but i don’t want to make old mistakes over and over.
But I don’t know how to behave on this…

December is coming soon and for the past two years I made and adventcalender for my boyfriend, like self-made, hand-crafted and filled with nice little things.

But I am not sure if I should do it this year again…
He liked the two calenders but it’s not like we agreed on doing that for each other. He isn’t doing that.

And I am stuck now after I have read so many things from Rori.
I am always supposed to do what I feel like, and I feel like making him one.
And it’s not for the wrong intention. I mean I am not doing this to tell him that I want one or that I want a thank you.
But the intention “i want him to be happy” is not really the one I should act after either…

I don’t know if I should or not…
I feel insecure and confused.

MeeMee,
It also helped me to de-personalize the whole thing somewhat,

it is like Rori tells us,
there is You, there is the Man, and there is the Relationship.

I think it is to our advantage to focus on “Having the Relationship You Want”, rather than focusing on worshipping a specific man or being worshipped ourselves, on a personal level, like making a shrine to a person instead of making the QUALITY of the RELATIONSHIP the priority.

That being said, there is more than one perfect partner out there for each of us, so that is what gives me faith, hope and trust and keeps me from beating my head against a door that doesn’t want to open, so that I can move on to find the door that will open nice and easily when I turn the handle.

Tinque –
We have been in a relationship for almost 3 years now. The first 1,5 years with 250miles between us and for the past 1,5 years about 15miles. We want to move in together in the next one half to one year (cause till then it won’t be possible financially).
So we see each other usually on the weekends and maybe once during the week.

I do feel close to him; we have moments when we both really get down to our feelings and are bonding.

It kinda is a tradition. I had handmade advent calenders for myself when I was a child and I just think it’s a nice thing. The first time I did it, we only saw each other every other weekend, so I wanted him to have something from me. Like personal things, too: One some days there is like a love letter or a nice picture of us, some other day only chocolate.
It doesn’t feel like pressure to me, neither by myself (i just enjoy doing it for him (and kinda for myself too, cause it’s fun to do)), nor by him: he doesn’t expect me to do it or something.

Well the affection increased in our relationship a little which makes me sad, of course.
But I wouldn’t do it to GAIN anything from HIM.

The past 3 weeks he twice got me a little rose that he had found outside. It wasn’t bought, so it was little and with flaws but cute AND he thought of ME.
He does want to spoil me (e.g. making tea for me and “ordering” me to sit and not do it for myself) but as you can see I had often not let him do that. But he does do it.

Hope you got a picture

I don’t want to think- that X believes Meemee is no good enough.

I prefer to think what he has been offering Meemee is not good enough for Meemee.

I prefer to stay out of X’s head. I do not want to pretend to know a mans head or project…what I think he thinks- this feels dizzying and coagulated to me.

I believe there is a fear….it is a fearful relationship based on its very secrecy.

I believe this fearful relationship/relating which only exists in the dark is just not up to par with Meemees new standards, it is not in alignment with what her spirit as a child of God is entitled to. Now that she knows better, she can do better. And one day if X can desire her so powerfully that his desire overcomes his fear. That the loss of her will inspire him to step up- and she feels receptive, then great!
In the meantime, Meemee, are you dating others yet?

253. MeeMee
The fact that you are fully AWARE that these gestures are crumbs, and that he has a vested interest in having sex with you but little, if anything else, is half the battle. So, congratulate yourself for that.

I know that I had to ask myself if I wanted to continue to feel icky and crappy. It sounds like a no-brainer, but, believe me, many people are not happy unless they are unhappy. They like to suffer. They would rather suffer than be numb, or be in an “i don’t know” place, because feeling bad makes them feel more alive or connected, and it is all that they know, really.

So, I decided that absolutely no, I did not want to throw up, obsess about a man, let the other areas of my life suffer, become mentally, emotionally and physically sick, which is what was happening.

I forced myself to get on the on-line dating sites and engage and go out on dates, and open my heart to the men. I am still practicing and not doing it perfectly, but I did not get discouraged.

Now I met one who I have kissed and who we feel affection for each other and who has re-kindled my sexual energies, and this made it easier for me to make the leap and really and truly cut the cords from the other one. I am not putting all my eggs in one basket with this one either, though. I want to remain clear in my feelings and thinking, and make sure that I am investing in any relationship for the right reasons, not just to have a relationship.

The other people and activities in my life stay just as important and fulfilling

Stick with us, here, MeeMee

love you
**LiFe**

I feel so angry. I feel so angry.
It has been months since I seriously worked on my PhD.
I go to office. I feel completely drained out by the time I come back.
Doing a PhD and a job itself is difficult. In addition this drama!!!
I am no kidding, I do not have a single drop of energy left by the time I come back. If I am writing here on this blog and spending time here, that means I am getting less than 4 hours sleep.

Smoking is shooting up.
Allergy is so bad. Steroids driving me crazy. Even my doctor does not seem to understand how someone who has been put on steroids can steadily loose weight.
I feel good when I take care of myself.
I feel bad when I ignore myself.
If I had not found you I would have completely go mad :) :)
Meemee

If Meemee can chronically define a new way of relating a new way of being a new woman a new reality, anything is possible……

Anything….but all things must be made new…and so much of her has been renewed and wonderful truths are coming to light!

Wonderful truths

We see his insecurities that he himself expresses.

We see her NOT managing down her expectations and taking care of herself.

There is NO need to attack as she lovingly holds herself to the promises she made to her body, mind, and soul.

There is a wonderful blossoming happening here. :)

It is marvelous and empowering to behold

Anger is GOOD.

Anger is a compass to show us where the lines are.

Sia – putting urself first benefits the community the most. Works the same with a man. I don’t want to explain more on this.

It’s what Rori teaches.

Shes also the one who repeatedly told me to use the blog as therapy for Me.

Sometimes I didn’t get it, at this time I feel clear I do.

It’s virtual, and it’s a great place to practice being…. To expand who I am out in the world,

I feel sad that the concept of putting self first hasn’t clicked yet with you. I didn’t accept it at first when starting Rori. I was very much a take care of everyone else kind of person. Somehow that still seems slightly admirable, so I may have sone more beliefs to bust huh Angels.

But I now consciously Get how putting myself first works in the benefit of the community.

The 4 agreements does help clarify this some more.

Tinque- thanks for your advice.
I am still working on the “new me” and I think I am still making maaaany many mistakes. But I sometimes feel like it’s getting better.

And thanks for the example sentences.
I mean, I have said: “I miss you” or ” I miss kissing” which was wrong cause of my intention. When I told him I wanted him to change. But now, it explains just what and how I feel, so I think it’s okay to say.
But what I didn’t come up with is:

I may not only say that I miss this or that but why. And the why I have to do from my perspective.
So rather than just saying “i miss us kissing” i will say, starting now, something like “i miss kissing….cause i FEEL loved, adored, save…..”
The last part I didn’t think of to use.

That’s the problem I often face. That I just kind of need examples. I just don’t think of that.
But it changes the whole statement completely 180degrees.
Awesome!

Thanks Tinque!

Sia – this Chi hung stance does not require a hot room.

It will move a lot of tension.

I know how to do a special kind of stretching – like rolling on myself – which frees up the putty tissue system in the body easily… Muscles and organs and tissue and fluids.

I learned it from the dvds of Lou Gross at backfix bodywork.

It’s awesome what can be done and how it feels.

I also do T-tapp exercise, which helps stretch some. Not like Lous putty stretching, but still in a healthy aligned way.

Eating Kelp seaweed – a lot at once – has instant results on flexibility of tissues. Try getting a big piece of kelp and running it thru a blender to get kelp flakes.

Then throw a handful in soup.

It will sure taste like seaweed haha. After digestion and for a couple days your body will be able to be more stretchy.

In order to get a permanent lengthening of the tissue, not a retightening,

First it’s important to stretch with mind in the bodypart.

Usually we think of stretching muscles like a rubberband. Then after the stretch they snap back to original.

This is not what we want, though that can still feel good and get warmness and blood in the muscle and release tension from the belly of it.

Instead of thinking as we know from current fitness to Think of Muscles…

Instead think offend tissue surrounding and including the
muscles as a big putty suit.

Thus is a liquid and fiber “suit” that makes up the shape of your body. It’s made of liquid and collagen fibers. If u took out your skeleton, your body would be just this putty suit.

What we want to do is pull apart the collagen fibers where they have become stuck together I’m this liquid suit. We can do this by putting our attention in the spot, and stretching or using our hand to pull and lengthen It… Like sillyputty. Very little… We don’t want it to tense .. Just to start pulling them apart.

It’s important to have the mind attention in the area were working… That is the most key thing. In order to allow the fibers to pull apart, and not tense and tighten.

The visual of the putty iskey…then we will Feel it ax putty ad well.

Now how to Do the stretches… I’ll have to see if I van write or may be a must show… All I wrote is the background to it.

The Nikita Show

“Anger is GOOD.
Anger is a compass to show us where the lines are”

Wow!!!

Thanks for this.
Meemee

Meemee – it sounds like you have to prioritize dating. Shift for many who are taught to prioritize work.

This is about you, your live life and happiness. This deserves to have special priority time. Only you can start babystepping to having that become reality.

Daria
Yes. That is a good idea.

But where are the men of this world?!!!!
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

Meemee

Meemee – wow same name!

That call me Daria

Or else they call me Young Mac Dee – The Pimpin Diamond. ;)

Men are out there .,, Go to where they are and leannack and smile

daria,
thank you so much for the great reply. Ill find the lou guy. I have never tasted seaweed…when you say it tastes like seaweed, what do you mean?:)

I havent read the 4ag book, just shortened version of 4 agreements. would feel interesting to hear more examples from real life (work, dance ensemble etc) one day when you feel like it.

Leo, Normally I agree with Tinque but something about this feels off to me. The affection has decreased recently and yet he’s beginning to give small gifts again (roses, etc)? I know the holidays mess everyone up with this obligation to give gifts thing but it seems like this man is stepping up.

Would I want to make him a handmade gift? Nope. I wouldn’t do it. If making advent calendars brought me joy, I’d make advent calendars for myself and for a child or someone else. Make a million of them and give them away to orphans in my area. Only then would I consider giving him one. Only once I’m receiving a LOT from him and a LOT from the pure joy I receive from making the calendars.

He’s a man. A man’s joy is found in a woman receiving joy. The Waterwheel tool is that we are receiving so much love that we are able to pour out more love and the water falls back on him too. It doesn’t sound to me like you have a waterwheel going. He’s got a hose pipe and is just starting to turn on the knob. If you start giving to him, he’ll probably turn the knob off, not on.

My two cents. I know you’re saying you’re giving without wanting in return. If that’s true, then give the gift to someone else. It shouldn’t matter, right? ;-) My suspicion is that this is not a true statement.

I don’t want to make you wrong. I’d want to feel really confident about my motives before I start acting on them. To thine self be true.

Ooh!

I love this seaweed/flexibility connection.

I haven’t been eating much seaweed the last year and I feel so stiff- !!!!!

Which feels horrible and limiting, literally!

I believe this because I have been eating seaweed since I was 4!!! And I only recently stopped! People used to always comment in how flexible I am.

Tinque!

Have you heard of this? Seaweed for flexibility???

Simply Shannon-

thanks for your answer.

I thought of this “Giving me roses” also as “him stepping up”. I interpreted it the same why.

This giving gifts thing around this time…
For me this aint true. I rather give and receive gifts all year around, especially if one isn’t expecting it, cause it brings more joy!

I don’t know much about this water-wheel-tool. But I think I got a gist of it.

And actually…I do really enjoy making this calender… And I just do one every year. And cause he was/is the most important person in my life (beside myself) I made one for him.
Now that I thought of it…. my best girlfriend is visiting us on the weekend of the 3rd. I could make her one. She would love it.

So I do understand what you mean by I should let him step up more before I give something back.
But it’s so hard…cause I enjoy(ed) it.

And another thing about it…. My girlfriend with her little daughter is visiting US. So…he’d see/know me giving her the calender.
And I wouldn’t feel good about this…
I know I have to put myself first and listen to my feelings and do not care as much about his feelings….
But I don’t feel like seeing him feel neglected or sad…

So than rather I don’t make one… cause that would make me feel miserable then.

Gosh….i am confused and scared to make the old mistakes again….
I know what I want: A great and healthy and fun relationship.
But i am thinking so much about how to act…it scares me, annoys me, confuses me, and makes me sad.

sia I mean that I love to tease people, pull their legs, but I’m being serious and genuine about seaweed.
I totally forgot about nori which you can buy in sheets and eat straight out of the package.

Yes Nikita I have heard of seaweed for flexibility. It’s a wonderful joint lubricant too.
xxoo

thank you tinque

‘I’m being serious and genuine about seaweed’

sounds genuinely funny out of context, love it

Hey! I’ve heard of it dammit. And I’m enough.

It’s the kelp in particular that helps w the flexibility. And it should be a lot of kelp. I say get it in Bulk from Maine coast seavegetables.

@ Tinque + Simply Shannon:

I think that I pushed him away cause of my overfunctioning. I have always been a very caring, nurturing person that looooves to give. My mom called me a “harmony-person”. Which was true with her in my childhood- i rather did what she said so no fight would be created (but for other reasons, e.g. me being afraid that a fight between us would create stress for her and her husband (my stepfather) and that they might break up, cause i have seen her in another break up before, where she suffered horribly)

But this harmony thing only partially applied when i was round anybody else than her.

I did over function a lot around my man and didn’t give him much of a chance to do things for me, to spoil me.

So now I try to lean back and I think that might be a reason why he got the roses, yes.

I’m with Ss it sounds like leo’s overfunctioning, worrying about him Ferling neglected, felt awkward pulling back and felt bad when he complained.

It’s not the calendar, thatight be lively. It’s the innershift to putting herself squarely in the feminine role.

Daria,

Lol,

I didn’t know u were still on- I saw tinque!
I was on my phone and didn’t read everything yet anyway,
Why kelp, why….is it omega??? Why why why…

Why is it good for flexibility and how did u hear of it?

Damn!!!!!!!!

I just came home from Trader Joes waaaaahaaaaaaa I could have had a seaweed snack pack waaaaaaaaaaa

I wasn’t paying enough attention…..and now I feel too lazy to go out….besides traffic is getting thick now :(

Nikita – hehe :).

What is omega?

I dono why kelp… Maybe cuz it looks stretchy like a muscle?

That’s what Lou said. I think he may be right. I also like Dulse to munch on, gives me confidence.

He said dulls will do something diff as far as flexibility.

He was insistent on kelp. I tried kelp I felt the flexibility..,

Nit sure I felt it with dulse.

Double blind experiments anyone?

Daria, double blind experiment? LOL!

Dorothea, Just reading back through the posts. I feel happy reading your recent update! I would love to hear more. This is quite a difference from recent posts. The leaning back and doing for Dorothea seems to be working. Jedi mind tricks? ;-)

Thank you for helping me with this.

@Daria: I don’t worry genereally that he might feel bad or neglected or something if I don’t make one for him. As I said: He is happy when he gets one but no pressure there. And if I don’t feel like making one – well to bad for him.
But i wouldn’t feel comfortable making one for my girlfriend and handing it to her WHILE he is standing right next to us. Cause he definitely would be aware of the fact that he didnt get one…
I just wouldn’t feel comfortable in this kind of situation, either two for the both or none!

But…the thing is… yes, I want a healthy, happy relationship, which includes for me, too, that my man doesn’t feel bad.
A relationship is about TWO people… That’s a thing I might have forgotten, yes it’s not ONLY about HIM. That’s why i am stopping this overfunctioning and nurturing. But a relationship in my belief is neither ONLY about ME.
So I do want to stop that ONLY HE can make me happy, cause that isn’t true. But it would be a lie if i’d say he doesn’t make me happy at all.
So to turn this around: I do also want to make him happy (once in a while).

But still I think i WON’T do the calender thing this year… (although i still get tommy ache when i think that thought).
Cause we do exchange little gifts on the 6th…

so hard… :D

Leo – relationship is TWO people, but the effort and the giving comes from the man…

the openess and receiving comes from the woman (and that’s a plenty challenging, to do Nothing, and receive)

Dorothea!

You like this yerba maté better than coffee now? Is that how you stopped? I want to stop needing coffee in the morning….it requires dairy and I’d like to stop drinking so much…. So how did you switch???

I asked my mom for help with the phone and she helped me!!!

omg i used feeling messages.. i looked panic stricken

I hugged her and almost cried afterwards

still feeling a lil overwhelmed

Now to get a ride from a man this week to get the sneaky 30 dollars back to the DUI office

lol!

I feel so good that I asked her!

my friend was going ot help me … but that wouldve involved giving up the DUI money

…

now, I have 20 dollars in paypal to pay somehow my new actual bill (my phone goes off again tomorrow – but my NUMBER is safe)

feeeling like woozy

I know…. and I have still trouble seeing relationship this way…
Cause it really is my nature to do that…give… and most times with no expectations in mind.

(as soon as I want to write “so no calendar this year” my tommy starts aching :D damn it)

correction Lou said Dulse is good for other stuff, like confidence (all seaweed) and iodine , but not nearly as much for flexibility as kelp

Lou is a pretty damn smart guy I’ve tried a lotta stuff he said and found it lifechanging

BUT he just knows what HE knows… and he’s a guy

He told me EFT won’t get the issue out of the tissue

I dono i dono

ikinda feel him i kinda dont on that one

both

he’s very man – its THIS way – kinda guy

I think he may be strongly Aspergerish too… he’ll interrupt while im talking and talk a lot and the way he writes is

disorganized and disjointed

if you check his website, you’re likely to get lost down that rabbit hole

backfixbodywork.com

but there ARE gems everywhere

esp the emotional release stuff

AND HE WILL HELP YOU FOR FREE!!!

if you call him and tell him you need help

really.

For free.

yup.

not for 7000 dollars like Erika

for free.

amazing knowledge

Leo – your tummy starts aching because it feels uncomfortable and scared that this new behavior will

lead to you feeling rejected or abandoned

this happened a lot with me too as i pulled back with overfunctioning

but once i was able to tolerate my Own uncomfortable feelings of TERROR

i felt much stronger

MUCH MUCH stronger

and was able to be clear on what felt good and how the energy exchange works

Leo, it’s my nature to give as well. The thing is that it feels really uncomfortable to just receive. It’s actually harder to be the recipient. Do you find that to be true too? Like when I get a surprise gift and have no clue why I deserved it? Awkward! This is why I have typically been the one to give (and not to ask for help). It feels more comfortable for me that way. Never mind that the person receiving my gift is the one feeling uncomfortable. The horrors!

So in a way you are giving your BF the gift of no uncomfortable feelings by NOT giving him a calendar. ;-)

300. Daria
“relationship is TWO people, but the effort and the giving comes from the man…

the openess and receiving comes from the woman (and that’s a plenty challenging, to do Nothing, and receive)”

That’s going on my wall.

Hey, jung-guy is going to give me a challenge with this. Wants to know “what’s in it for him” to pay all the time, open the doors, etc. and what about all of this is not just male/female stereotypes.

what do you suggest I tell him, besides
what’s in it for you is that by giving to me you will make me feel most feminine, happy, feel special and beautiful, valued, taken care of, secure and feeling and knowing that is what is in it for you

**LiFe**

I used to give give give hehe!

I used to give people rides for free as my good deed of the day

I used to always keep my phone on in case on of my brothers needed me in the middle of the night

I used to make everyone of my brothers gifts for christmas

these are like my friends/godbrothers

I even made guywhohadababy’s bed so he could sleep in it with another girl!

I used to wait 45 minutes for them outside because they needed a ride

i used to buy all of us food

and drink

and come with a present

and ALWAYS GAVE

All of this happily

it made me happy to give

cuz i thought this was holy

i got appreciated

and …

now that i stopped giving…

even tho i dont see them as much, everyone is busy and i dont really call them myself

EVERYONE STILL APPRECIATES ME!!

I wasn’t happy, I was happy then crushed, happy then crushed

now i am squarely Happy

I live in a different world of loving self and not so at the mercy of the outside

I love me

I love Rori for helping me here!

life is wonderful –

jung guy needs to shove it

ew what a turn off

I FEel angry hearing that

but… maybe the first time

what’s in it for the man?

“well, i’m not interested in a man that doesn’t see spending time with me as enough … that would feel bad to me… and i don’t want to feel that way.. what do you think?”

man: its 50 50

“oh… I feel a lil concerned… I feel better with Romance… i feel good when I am able to be the woman and open to appreciate and receive a man’s attention and efforts to make me happy… what do you think?”

keyword here: ROMANCE – sparks off romance thoughts has turned around many a 50 50 for me, at least at first as much as he could

Life is good – what you said sounds good too…

but i wouldnt EXplain to him whats in it for him… even tho he asked

i would still use feeling messages and dont wants

303: tinque says:

why can’t you drink coffee black?

Tuesday, 23 November 2010 @ 1:05pm

Meh! Bah!! Blech!!!

Espresse black, yes.

I love creamy yummies….like chai!

But I want more kick!!!

I like kick!

I bought hemp milk.

Black coffee! Blech!

Maybe if I had a press! Lol

@daria: Yes, that’s exactly the reason for me feelings weird and uncomfortable… I am afraid of getting neglected and ignored myself.
And it’s still hard to believe that this won’t happen.
And I am afraid that I interpret too many of my actions as overfunctioning…so that at the end I really do too less… this still scares me.

But lets face it: I won’t do the calender. And as I feel uncomfortable I start to look at it from a different point (at ME): Cause it is quite some efford I would be willing to invest but on the other hand it’s nice to have that time off, too. And it’s not looking so well on my bankaccount either (although that calender wouldnt cost that much…)

No calendar! *urhg

@Simply Shannon:
Well sometimes it’s easier to receive, sometimes it’s harder. It depends on what I receive (e.g. the amount of many or time invested) and by whom.

I too rather get things done on my own rather than ask for help. Which wouldn’t be a big deal for e.g. my parents to help me but i rather “suffer” a little.

So now… i think: I don’t give him the calender…cause he might be uncomfortable or even thinks he needs to give me something back for it which puts pressure on him.

(ok…i am really trying to believe now what I am writing :D:D:D)

Thanks to you two, a lot!
Was great advice.
And actually: I DO feel a lot better now.

I’m wondering if he’s wondering how soon he’s gonna get some action. I hate thinking that, because it may not even be true. But that statement, “what’s in it for me” or “what do I get out of this” made me feel a little pressured.

I did respond, you get to be in my company and appreciation.

He said, I could get a dog. I’m sure he was half-kidding…i didn’t feel offended.

Then I just said, well, it is up to the man how he feels about the woman.

So, yeah, if the woman is not special enough to make her different from his dog, then, he will not want to spend money, time, etc, on her,

and if “special enough” means getting sex, then it is what it is.

But I am not feeling that is the case with jung-guy.

I feel curiousity and trying to sort out how he feels,

and this may be my chance to show him how to really be the man in a relationship, esp since he goes for older women who may very well have kind of taken care of him in the past.

**LiFe**

Thanks, Daria, you’re the best :-)

**Life is good and wonderful**

Leo – yes, it MAY happen right! You may receive encounter behavior that feels BAD, or not – you are now NOT in control

VULNERABLE … and its new behavior on your part… you feel scared, terrified

and… this is important…

you can HANDLE THIS!

you can handle ANYTHING

and you will SEE, the inner you that watches will see you handle it…

and you will FEEL STRONGER… you will TRUST yourself !

babysteps!

you’re doing great!

Life Rocks- hehe thanks! hehe raises shoulders and giggles…

well, jung guy may be all up in his head, JUNGING and philosophisizing and stuff

yeah why have male and female genders at all etc etc gender bias

well

it’s cuz it FEELS good in relationship

men are NOT in touch with their deep feelings, they are in touch with their immediate feelings…

so he won’t know that it FEELS good, till he does it, and even then he may not really understand what it is that feels good

which is why you hear so many men complaining about taking care of women when actually they would feel great to do so (and be appreciated)

TALKING about it with him, philosophy… is one thing… it may even turn to feeling bad… it COULD be fun, as a sideline hobby, debating discussing, just like rockclimbing, or ice hockey, or golf,

but not as a foundation for relationship

the actual DANCE is the foundation. the women sharing feelings and the man giving to her

soo… it may not even pay off to intellectually discuss with him… i remember i used to try this with men

I would just share about ME and what i don’t want in feeling messages

not necessarily get all discussy about it

Mr.Big spends TONS of money on the dog :)

She gets lots of stuff ;)

I feel better watching him buy her stuff because he bought me jewelry for my b-day but had he not, I think I’d feel very
Less than :( or just plain jealous! And angry! But I love that she gets toys and he takes care of her vet bills and food and EVERYTHING but she’s MY puppy :)
Yay!

Dogs are like family! But I’m mama! And mama is happy :)

Hi Girls!

Thanks again for your advice!

I just send a very feely-message to my man and feeling good about it!

And now I am going to bed with all this awesome feelings in my head!
Thanks for that!

Love!
Leo!

I’m feeling inspired to reread the 4 agreements….I’m staring at it, I feel their may be a message there. I feel called…

Daria,

I just sent a text to the libra- :)

I feel very ME! I feel a little fluttery in my chest now but I don’t NEED him to respond. I just wanted to share something and say happy holiday :)

I wonder if I feel him getting the text and now I feel him – I feel linked in…. I feel a little ego tug that I “should” have no contact and “show him”….. But I don’t feel leaned back- I felt withholding. . . .because I’m still ignoring his friend request -lol!

But yay! I feel healed from this!!! I feel like the abundant goddess that is overflowing with so much love that it just spills over….oh this feels luscious! I love it :)

319 Awesome Daria

OMG, it has become SO second nature for me to explain and philosophize and discuss.

But, I agree with everything you said here!
esp insightful about them not knowing their deep feelings, only their immediate feelings.

The debating discussing, is not a good foundation for the kind of relationship I want.

I already felt that, but it is going to take real practice to use the feeling messages, but this is going to be a lot of fun, too, I suspect!

I am having a surreal conversation with my ex right now. He announced a few weeks ago that he is getting married. I felt numb when he told me. Then awful thinking about my boys. Making all sorts of judgments about his decision. It’s too fast, how can she love him? How can he love her?

And I’m using feeling messages with him. And he’s responding like a champ.

I feel turned on. This feels hella weird. I control the universe. Haha!

I don’t “sell” myself to a man. That’s convincing. Convincing is an action. I’m a girl….I prefer being over acting ;)

Whats in it for me?

Wha?

Who called who?

Who asked who out?

Wow.

I feel sad hearing what’s in it for me….I feel scared….I feel unsure about that question. I can’t tell a man what’s in it for him. I trust a man to know what he wants. He wants me or he doesn’t…..I am not a negotiator…negotiating feels bad.

:(

Pout.

I don’t know what’s in it for you….hmph!! Only YOU know that. You are a man, right?

Hehehe ;)

SS,

Hehe.

Juices flowing?

Hehe…

Eating seaweed? Huh? Kelp? Dulse?

Hehe

yum, sea weed :)

I am feeling odd that i no longer have all that ANGUISH to focus on and cry about. i was “working” so hard and putting so much effort

and i did take lots of babysteps to not having a goal and just loving myself in the situation

and it was great

i actually took LOTS of babysteps

i asked about 10 yes 10 men to HELP ME WITH MONEY!!!

AND… i was able to hear NO, and not feel angry at them or be attached

this can help me a lot in business and life now

I am less scared of rejection, and feeling unworthy now than before

yay for babysteps Daria

:(

I feel mildly excited to see if Libra responds :(

Blech!

I don’t like that.

That feels off.

Something feels off with this eagerness.

Now I feel like changing my phone number! Lol-

Ugh! For sure I can’t be his friend lol

I don’t like this feeling.

This feels like tight breathing-shallow breath…

Blech!

Very subtle but, off ;)

meh!

Ok, no more of that leaning forward stuff- blech!

Here’s a cool one from Bob Grant courtesy of Siren to Siren Networking:

i Love the first one! I can do THIS more . MORE appreciating… of his looks, his attitude, when he said that thing… wow i really like that… i feel scared to do this because I feel scared (what if he doesnt compliment ME enough an di take over… I am going to EXPERIMENT with jsut expressing it and see how I feel… maybe if he Doens’nt compliment me enough, this will make it clear)

The second one, I don’t agree to tell him what to do… I’d rather be surprsied the Rori way… and ask him what he THINKS. I bet he will figure out something… and that will help both of us

Excerpt from Email:

1. He wants you to share when you’re proud of him…

If you don’t know how men think, then let me tell you a secret – men really like to show off. Just be
sure it’s something you really do like because if you praise him, you’ll likely get more of it.

2. He wants you to share when you’re upset, and let him know what he can do to help.

What’s important is that you share that you’re upset – when you’re upset…not days or weeks later. I
realize that this is vulnerable, but when you bring up something later, he’ll have already forgotten the
event and wonder why you waited so long to mention it. What’s also important is to give him a task that
he can do to help you when you’re upset. If you just want him to listen – tell him that. Don’t expect
him to “just know” what you need. A man often feels helpless just sitting there while you’re hurting.
He wants to do something – anything – to fix it. Ask him to listen, and when he does, reassure him that
his listening makes you feel special in his eyes.

3. He wants you to share when you’re excited and happy…
If only more women only understood how important it is for a man to be able to make you happy, it
would change the complexion of many a relationship. Remember, men aren’t nearly as intuitive as are your
girlfriends. Men learn by watching your reaction. Men think like this…

A good reaction (full of nice happy feelings) means do this more.

A bad reaction (when you cry or get upset) means don’t do that again.

Yes ladies, men really are that simple….

Nikita – LOOOOOL glad to see you feeling your feelings….

how about just accepting his friend request instead hehe

Daria,

Yay!

How did you do it?

Did u call the company or was there magic???

333

Meh!

I don’t feel trusting enough –

I know he is friends with women he has dated.

I don’t want them knowing me. Looking at me.

I also like to be silly and I don’t want to feel self-conscious about that :(

Damn pimps :(

Mom – is starting to appreciate me… like last nite she said a big thank you for me doing the dishes!

I have been doing the family dishes the past couple of months

I started to enjoy it while they were gone on that vacation… I did that tranformative magic and sang while washing it… so now I find it enjoyable

Nikita – fuc*k em!

maybe it would expand yoru comfort zones to display yourself openly

I am considering expanding my confort zones by selecting that i smoke weed in the DRUG section of the DUI class forms

but I opted not to in case in the future i want to be president and they pull my files … tho already i got background stuff sooo….

I am scared of KGB like security still in my fears since growing up in faux-communist dictatorship

I WANT TO FEEL FREE TO DISPLAY MYSELF AND ALL MY CHOICES PROUDLY

i don’t want to fear persecution

i feel sad and small

i love my fears

thank you for trying to keep me safe

I’m gonna embrace you and keep on getting big and feeling good@!!!

and i wont abandon you

Tinque – yup, I feel good when I give BACK too…

but that’s different than feeling scared to NOT give

and one CAN’t err on the side of NOT giving really, because she’s still feeling tight about it then

once she feels untight and secure, she’ll Know when she wants to make him a sandwich

I love that from Tina

Do i feel like making him a sandwich?

If im feeling lovely and floaty and full of his love and adored, sure!

Tryna say,, i feel you Tinque!

At first tho, pulling back to zero is necessary to learn to pull in the energy to us

we’re like black hole of energy pullling

good

then when we fill ourselves

it will SPILL out

it’s like walking on air

reading this from Alana Pratt:

“And so surrender, sultriness, succulence, absolute
delicious savoring of a moment is not a goal, but
a practice, a practice that we GET TO DO because
most of you reading this don’t have to find food
today, or shelter, or hide from those who are
attacking you.”

YOU ARE WRONG ALANNA!!!

we GET to do this EVEN WHEN those things are happening

we GET to do this because we are human, because we are blessed

because Happiness and Love happens even in the trenches, even homeless, even hungry

because Maslow Didn’t get it right

I feel angry reading that Alanna

I feel UNSEEN

our inner worlds are fraught with dangers

and yet we GET to do this anyway…

we are Blessed to have found it

and we are blessed with it even in dire awful feeling circumstances

i Reject that which feels shamy and guiltmaking

i reject that somenoe suffers more or less than me

i LOVE ME

i HONOR ME

and I GET and WILL HAVE THIS BLESSED POWER TO LOVE MYSELF

no matter WHAT persecuted, hungry cold, adored, full, comfortable

it is MY GIFT AS HUMAN

that has found my Divinity

ANGER

ANGER

at not being seen

love me

Yes writhing in ecstasy because my man has given me amazing orgasms is one of the biggest gifts I can give him.-tinque.*

I felt a little triggered when I got to this line. I am going to take the liberty of exploring it to see where I end up because*(drumroll please), I feel safe with Tinque. I feel safe with her observing or not observing my process about this “sexy word image” trigger ;)

So, as My eyes light on the words I see a picture…I see a red haired/chestnut brown woman with long hair…milky complexion. On her back. On the bottom of a man-dark-haired..he has a muscular back…I see only his shoulders….olive complexion….she is on white sheets….one pillow near her head….she is in an S shape on a queen size bed(maybe King)….my view is from the ceiling….I hear her….I don’t hear him…but I feel his inhale…and the rustling of his thrust….she slides down a foot on her back…sort of coiling…and grimacing…rosy cheeked….capillaries full of blood…she’s flushed….he was wearing khaki colored slacks, they are on the floor to his right…..the light is on but is is a soft lamp…..it is night-time….I don’t see the other pillow…I get a feeling it is lower….

I get this feeling I am in a room observing something and they don’t know I’m there. They do not see me….it feels like astral projection….I can feel the electricity of sex in the room… I don’t smell anything. I feel a little embarrassed that I am looking over his shoulder….this feels rude?….awkward….should I let them know? I feel confused. I feel aroused. I feel a little guilty for being there. I don’t feel invited. I don’t know where the door is. I feel upset. Did they tie me to a chair and force me to watch a tape? Why have they set up a camera on their ceiling? Why do try want me to see?……hmmm…now I feel angry. I feel sad. Do they know I see them? I better not say anything I don’t want them to be embarrassed in case…..I feel confused and frustrated…I don’t know what to feel….why did this happen…..how did this happen?…..oh no!, are there going to be more surprises like this? I feel uncomfortable and concerned about walking in on someone else…yikes! I need to run!, get out of here!, I don’t feel safe….I don’t like all these feelings, this is too much…!! Skip it!skip it! Skip it!- no feel turned on!….what?….you are supposed to feel turned on!….no, I don’t want to feel turned on by spying! I’m not a peeping Tom!! I have my own sex life I don’t need to sneak into someone else’s

Fear of Anger – Yours and Others
By Dr. Margaret Paul
November 22, 2010

——————————————————————————–
Does your own and others’ anger terrify you? Discover how to move beyond your fear of anger.
——————————————————————————–

Are you terrified of others’ anger? Are you afraid to open to your own anger for fear of getting out of control?
If you grew up in an angry or violent home, there is a good possibility that you have a fear of both your own anger and others’ anger.

Fear of Others’ Anger

I grew up with a very angry mother and I was terrified of her anger. Her anger was irrational and it came out of nowhere. My whole body used to shake when she got angry.

For years as an adult, I continued to be terrified of anger, as I had no idea how to take care of myself in the face of another’s anger. When you don’t know how to respond to another’s anger, your fight, flight or freeze response gets activated, and for me it was freeze. I would become so frozen that I was unable to say much at all. When I could talk again, I would try to explain, defend, or scurry around trying to please.

Now I’m no longer afraid of others’ anger. I still shake inside if the anger is irrational, and now I know the shaking is my inner guidance letting me know that danger is occurring, and I listen carefully to what my inner guidance is telling me.

I’m no longer afraid because I know what to do. I know that I no longer have to stand there and take it like I did as a little girl. I know that I can either move into an intent to learn about why the other is angry or I can lovingly disengage. If I think the person might open with me, I gently say, “I hear that you are angry and I’d like to understand why you are angry, but it will be much easier for me to hear you if you stop attacking me.”

If I’m pretty sure that the person won’t open, then I say something like, “This feels hurtful so I’m going to take a walk. Let me know when you are ready to talk without blaming me.”

The fact that I can now do one of these two things takes away my fear. My inner child knows that I, as a loving adult, am going to take care of the situation so that she isn’t hurt by it as she was as a child.

Fear of Your Anger

Many people who grew up with violence do not want to be anything like their angry parent or caregiver. They are afraid that if they get angry, they will become irrational and hurtful like some of adults were when they were growing up.

If you have this fear, it is important for you to understand the difference between anger intent on controlling – which comes from an out of control wounded person and is very scary – and anger intent on learning. When your intent is to learn from your anger rather than dump it on someone else in the form of attack and blame, then you embrace your angry feelings as information. Your angry feelings are telling you that there is some way you are not taking care of yourself – some way you are abandoning yourself. When you consistently move into learning from your anger rather than act it out on others, you lose your fear of your anger.

All our emotions are informational, and our anger is no different. When you open to learning from your own anger, and you open to learning with another who is angry or you lovingly disengage, you will heal your fear of anger.

I’d like to add that I have been known to write erotica and considered doing a book. I also used to read erotica and owned a few books. I like very little of it though. So I just started writing my own….

Hmmm….dunno why I feel triggered and everyone else is so comfy…. Ok….still processing

I feel excited about my idea to make Video Tools for Goddess Dating

but…

how would I set this up as a business?

i feel lost about that

I don’t know how to make money with stuff

feelign heavy with that

I know i could make the videos and upload them to youtube for Free…

but a business I dono how

it would turn into a business

Hmm… maybe like this!

“So How Will The Coaching Program Work?
Each of the first five modules will be scheduled to be released one week at a time and is broken down for your convenience into individual videos almost like chapters, so that you’re able to go back at any time for quick reference.

This content in this program is specifically designed to save you time by breaking it down into easy to absorb bite sized chunks. That’s partially to keep you motivated, but also so that you’re able to go and learn at your own pace.

Then during those 5 weeks, on each Tuesday we’re going to hop on a live group coaching call where I will answer any of your burning questions that you may have about that week’s lesson.”

Meemee,

RE: #168 – You said, “I felt so embarrassed and I did not bring it up again. When I told him about that he always replied he will be careful and I never felt so.

I do enjoy the hugging and kissing and heavy petting. But the times he spent with me were so short that I felt slightly uncomfortable and worried that he will be leaving soon after the act and stuff like that. Also there were long gaps of non communication and then all of a sudden sex when I was unprepared. But I liked spending time with him so I did not object.

He likes it when I feel the pain. He told me so. He said that adds to the sensuality (whatever that means). He is the only one I ever slept with and I did not know how guys work.”

No doubt other women have addressed this, and I am totally lost on the blog, because I’ve been so busy.

I feel ENRAGED when I read HE LIKES IT WHEN I FEEL THE PAIN.”

That is a very sick statement! Sick! Sick! Sick!

He does not care about you to do that even one time and not feel sorrow. Yet he has done it repeatedly.

You have told him repeatedly it hurt. Instead of protecting you and being sensitive to your needs, he took advantage of you and INTENTIONALLY caused you pain for HIS sick pleasure.

THAT IS SADISTIC.

Frankly, I don’t need to hear anything more about this man. Unless he does a drastic turn-around and apologizes up and down, and then proves his change over time, I would hope you would have nothing further to do with him.

THAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE.

What do you think and feel?

Hi there Rori and Sirens

This post feels so relevant to me and my circumstances..
I feel ashamed and angry at my self for having accepted the unacceptable for three years…
twisted my self in loops to accomodate to his needs for independence…
I am angry at him for turning me in to his enemy,
but I know and feel so guilty about it that i had my part in it…
every time i would try to talk from my needs he would perceive me as a demanding controlling bitch..
even when I talked from my heart and make sure not to blame him, it end up in an argument..
deep down I do blame him and at the same time blame my self…

I know I have to love my self but it feels impossible after so much rejection and abandontment,
my self-stem is nowhere near…

when I met him I was a rock star touring the world and he was my fan..

I have compromised everything for this relationship because I had hope, I believed in him and in my strengh and clarity…

This time I wasn’t going to run away… when things got nasty I was going to stay!!! but this time it was him the one who runed and because I had done it in the past… I understood where he was coming from so I let him run and and comeback over and over but I didn’t do it gracefully …

Now I am an angry mess…

I know that I have to love my self and I try but I feel so drained and exhausted …

How can one believe again that I am a worthy when I have allowed him to treat me so badly…

when I have seen my self as a desperate angry worthless woman through his eyes and my actions …

It’s so difficult to mantain peace within to trust myself again..

I am scared that he will call again and I will not say NO again.

I am scared that he will never call and I will be left with this feeling of being used to the end of my possibilities…

Sorry I don’t know if I am making any sense but I feel so confused and full of pain… and lonely… and punished… I can’t talk to anybody about it ..it’s gone beyond reason..

I have been reading your blog and posts and trying your programs for over a year.. but to be honest probably for the wrong reasons too..

I used to believe i was a goddess and a queen but deep down I found that no matter how many years of therapy and healing, I am still that little frustrated girl that didn’t had any right to have any needs..

I tried CD but couldn’t do it or he would sense it and come back building my hopes again..

I guess I am reaching out to you for empathy and support …

from Spain via London

Jagged Mountain X

“What’s important is that you share that you’re upset – when you’re upset…not days or weeks later. I
realize that this is vulnerable, but when you bring up something later, he’ll have already forgotten the
event and wonder why you waited so long to mention it. ”

This feels very in line with what Rori calls “a man feeling safe”……”and thrilled”.

I feel safer if I can trust you to not hold Sh$t in!!!

I feel unsafe if you surprise me two weeks later.

I will feel TRICKEd and ANGRY.

The Scorpio would do this to me. :(

He would ACT like everything was cool….and say. Nah, don’t worry-I’m ok with it….

Then! pOW! Surprise! I’m still mad at you, Nikita for what you did two weeks ago.!!

Huh?????

What happened two weeks ago???

You know what you did!

Wha???? Wow! If I knew what I did why do you think I would ask you what happened? This is game-playing by my definition and this had me feeling angry, unsafe, wrong, vilified, off-balance……and furious!!!!!!!!!
– if I was a MAN and a girl spoke this way to me?!! Wha?? I’d NEVER call that crazy girl again!! Crazy….

It’s like somebody that just collects rocks and throws them at you when your sleeping.

Feels GROSS!

And that is what I call toxic.

He got feeling indigestion…. Lol
And started throwing up stupid fermented stinky feelings….

Don’t you know feelings are a perishable food item???

You can’t can that!!!

Hmph!

Stuffer, scorpio….I bet he doesn’t feel safe with himself!!!!!!

I like this chick… I feel overwhelmed tho… buha

I dont want to feel overwhelmed

I did learn much about making videos just watching her

Shoot somewhere elegant

wear beautiful clothes

do the blurry background vs clear yet airbrushed face

Bright colors

theme music

Do a part from far away and then a zoom in part

Memorize what you are saying

use facial expressions and emotions

and even use arm movements a lot, even excessively hehe

hold head up high

Jagged,

Welcome! Can you give compassion to your weak parts? It happens over time, in baby steps. Just start where you are, and do something special for yourself:

a haircut
sew a skirt
a walk in nature
a pedicure
wrap up in blankets and get lost in a book

Meemee,

Once I was with a man who was rough with me. It wasn’t anything sadistic, just uncomfortable. But I would tell him repeatedly I like to be touched softly and gently. I think he just wasn’t as sensitive as I wanted. He wasn’t trying to hurt me.

Then I was with Ryan, and his touches transported me to the stars! Every touch was like a never-ending moment that felt like silk! He could stimulate my clit for 5 minutes soooo slooooowwwly and I would feel like I was about to orgasm! He would kiss me sensually for 5 minutes and I was ready to orgasm! I NEVER had this experience with any other man! Most times, I didn’t even cum with a man. I felt rushed, nervous, uncomfortable. Here Ryan wasn’t even making love to me and I was ready to cum!

After experiencing that, I could never and would never go back to making love with an insensitive man, much less one who would intentionally cause me pain.

I dislike X intensely.

359: Jagged Mountain says:

“…Hi there Rori and Sirens
This post feels so relevant to me and my circumstances..
I feel ashamed and angry at my self for having accepted the unacceptable for three years…”

I believe this Rori post is helpful in times of distress:

“Don’t Let Go, Don’t Resolve, Forget Closure and Stay On Your Horse”

https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/dont-let-go-dont-resolve-forget-closure-and-stay-on-your-horse/#comments

SLV

Meemee,

RE: #212 – Lorelei said, “I also feel worried that he has other secret women (all the stuff you mentioned previously about how he has to keep you secret for, and he is unable even to explain why)”

I have wondered that too. Does he say why he keeps you a secret? I wonder how many secrets he has sex with each week? He is using you for sex. That is my conclusion.

A good man will love you and want to know you spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and not keep you as a secret.

@363: Brenda says:

“Here Ryan wasn’t even making love to me and I was ready to cum!”

Brenda, that WAS making love to you…

SLV

Meemee,

RE: #224 – You said, “I might have acted little bitchy. But I liked it.”

LOL! Love it! Are you going to write the story of your life someday? It would be an interesting book!

SLV,

There ya go! :-) Of course, what I meant was he wasn’t even having sex with me. Yet my sexual experiences with him were better than the best sex I ever had!

‘I’d love to know the boundaries of LOVING ONESELF, because it could turn to selfish. ‘

Let me take a shot at this one…I have found that if helping you is hurting me, then it is not helping. That is a quote from Delilah, the radio show host Queen of Sappy Love Songs.

If I start to feel drained when helping you, I am not doing either of us any good. It is then that I take a step back and spend some time alone, recharging, or spend time with God or other friends, recharging.

368: Brenda says:

“SLV,
There ya go! Of course, what I meant was he wasn’t even having sex with me. Yet my sexual experiences with him were better than the best sex I ever had!”

Yes, I know what you mean. I’ve heard it said “some people only think ‘cock in the hole… is sex’ and that’s it. That’s not true. ”

Oh, well… :razz: :oops: (Oops, I guess I’ll go to moderation now… )

SLV

Meemee,

RE: #253 – You said, “I associated whatever little he gives as “LOVE”. Be it a little time, soothing words (whch he is actually using to get me back into bed), any personal talk. Anything. Anything.
How do I undo this concept I created in my head!!!!!! I know the healing starts from there.”

What helped me as I became more aware that I was only in abusive relationships is to find a role model. For a while, my role model was “Hercules” on the TV show from a scene where he met a beautiful woman in the woods. He graciously held her hand as she was seated on a fallen log, and he sat down beside her. He wrapped one arm around her and tenderly rubbed her hand with his other hand. He gazed into her eyes so lovingly, like she was the most valuable, beautiful creature he had ever seen.

I decided to not let a man into my life unless he treated me with such dignity and respect.

Years later I met another wonderful man who touched me so gently, even in a hug or handshake. He gazed into my eyes and smiled beautifully into my eyes. I felt valued in his eyes. I felt like a million dollars. Now I must have that feeling with a man or I know he is not the one.

Do you have a hero? Make it be him, and compare X and all other men to him. Or maybe you could find a special romance novel with a hero and compare men to him to have a gauge for what respectful, loving treatment feels like.

Does this help?

Rori,

I feel so affirmed by you. Your encouragement means so much to me! Thank you!

SLV,

LOL! :lol:

Thanks Brenda and Rori for your replies!

Yes I am doing all that, going to yoga clases booking massages as much I have been going to therapy twice a week back in LOndon but now I can’t aford anymore one to one sessions ..
I just moved to a new city, Brighton, UK
after 18 year of London life (I come from Spain originally)
It was my get away plan from “A man” whom couldn’t wouldn’t fully commit but wouldn’t let me go either…lots and lots of back and forwards…
When I made my decission he got all excited again and said that he finally was ready for a commitment and wanted to move with me and finally start a new life together…at least give it a good try…
I moved to a place I don’t know anybody but it’s a beautifull house with amazing surroundings!!
so I feel gratefull and blessed by this new opportunity!!!

for me it was a clear boundary that I wasn’t going to carry the toxic pattern in to this new place and that’s what we agreed (with A), he said that he had to take care of his agressivity and search for help etc but 3 weeks after moving the day he was meant to move his stuff down we had an argument and he decided that I was the cause of all his problems and that what he actually needed was to get away from me and not talk to me again.

So that happened over a week and a half ago and I am not chasing him as I have done and something feels really final but it’s been three years of investment and I miss him or my fantasy of him or my hopes that he would finally step up …

and I feel really abandoned and lonely

have I lied to my self all along???

cold turkey… I guess…

yes, I read and meditate and look after my daughter and cry and let everything flow but I have been like this for a year and a half… and wonders is this time for real?
or
is he going to show up as soon as I feel better enough to not be angry with him and say how sorry and mees up he is and I am going to forgive him again…
understand him because that’s what you do when you have compassion..
obviously I lost my self respect and trust that I will protect my self…

but this time has to be different.

I’ve loved him beyond my possibilities…

Thanks for being there…

X

Meemee,

RE: #259 – I feel relieved to hear you are feeling anger! Whew! Sort of like an unconscious person starting to cough. Thank God! She’s going to make it!

I will never forget the midnight runs to the city to “rescue” Jim, the alcoholic, thief bum I wasted 1.5 years of my life on. He was grabbing the steering wheel, trying to force me to make a drug run for him. I pulled the car over and refused. He was drunk, and he yelled and yelled at me for about 5 minutes, trying to convince me.

It felt bad, but it felt normal. I sat there and took it. A passer-by bent over to give Jim an angry look, saying, “Shut up, loud mouth! Quit treating your lady so bad! Why are you yelling at her like that? She didn’t do anything against you! You’re disgusting! Shut up!”

I felt stunned, and it was at that moment, in 1995, that I began to realize I was allowing myself to be emotionally abused.

After that, each day was like coming up out of a coma, little by little. I began to get glimpses of the stunning mermaid that lives inside. I began to envision a glorious, loving man treating me like gold.

And now I’m crying…and still learning.

You are waking up out of the coma, Meemee.

We were lost in a blinding world of abuse. Now love is breaking through, and we realize steadily that we can expect pure love from a man. No pain, only pleasure. Go first class all the way, baby!

Jagged,

Sounds like you’re making some fantastic jumps into beauty and life!

There are other Sirens on here from England… maybe you can connect! I think Lola was wishing there was someone on here from England!

All the best to you!

Love these new Roris:

32: Rori Raye says:
bittersweet…oMG – I’ve been there! You thing because he’s “not your type” it couldn’t possibly turn out badly. I’ve had that backfire many times. So – the cure? It wasn’t the SEX that did it – it was the INVESTMENT. It was seeing ONLY him. It was exclusivity. It was the Girlfriend Trap. If you Circular Date and refuse to be a “girlfriend” (unless you’re young, not looking for long-term and can handle a non-forever situation) this will not happen to you again. (Okay, you can still be fooled – but your risk is so much less..) I don’t know what went on here, how much you need to learn about how to be with a man to optimize things –but I hope you have at least my ebook to start you off. Love, Rori

and

1396: Rori Raye says:
alex – if you smile at a man warmly, hold eye contact for 5 or 6 seconds, and he doesn’t do anything to speak to you – he’s either married, engaged, with a girlfriend, gay, or feminine energy (and you have to decide if you want to turn boy for him and go up to him and say “Hello, I’ve noticed you, and you’re so handsome I had to say something…” and then smile, and if he doesn’t say anything to keep the contact going – say “Well, I feel awkward,” and turn and go back to what you were doing). Love, Rori

@Daria

Great inspiration. Where are you getting these Rori-isms? Are you searching the threads?

SLV

I’ll go do that or something else.

SLV

I feel ‘bored’ knot in stomach… disgust, disinterest, disdain. Closed off.

I feel disappointed.

I feel judgemental of Mr Action Man and I cross.

I feel icky about men. To me they are all frogs right now.

———————————————–

Ok so its in text so not ideal but I have just had uber honest text convo with Mr Action Man telling him how I am feeling (turned off etc).

And I have learnt something… Like I am really intimidated/turned off by people who I perceive to be too moral or ‘good’.

Basically I am TERRIFIED of being judged. And ultimately surpressed. Like what I felt happened in my last relationship where I think I modified my behaviour and then still felt judged. Also lost, disrespected and untrue.

I allowed myself to be completely supressed and changed myself to try and please and man and that is so dishonest and hurtful to my soul.

And I have seen my step sister in law get judged and talked down to by her military husband, who calls her fat (and she is not) and criticises her and I just can’t abide it.

Mr Action Man is a military man.

I think whenever I see a man being judgemental if flips a switch in me.

My ex was so judgemental that I got up and walked out of a few meals bc he was being so disgusting in my eyes.

Hmmm, interesting how this theme of judgement keeps coming up…

But I am terrified of being judged and surpressed again, it makes me want to RUN, RUN, RUN…

into the arms of a bad boy, cus I know I can handle that. Even if he EU I can even handle that because it feels so much better than supression and changing myself, because that is being untrue to myself and feels like ceasing to exist.

It feels heavy, drol, AWFUL!

Like all the life juice is sucked out of me and I am not longer myself. And I let this happen to me!

Well I won’t again. So using Rori’s tools to protect myself AND stay open. Cus I can tell you right now all I wanna do is run away!

And close myself off.

In fact I have been toying with an idea over the last few days… that maybe I don’t want a relationship at all!

I mean I am happy how I am. I love practicing being a Siren and my most happy/strong times are when I have been single.

There is nothing I can’t do for myself and using my Siren powers I can always be connected to people.

I have all the things I want in my life and am happy.

That fact that I always choose unavailable men points to the fact that on some level I want to avoid intimacy. And I will keep working on connection with people however to be honest I am not sure I want to be married or in a ‘serious’ relationship as I am not sure if that would even feel good to me, even if I was capable of it!

I am honestly contemplating whether I have been chasing after the wrong thing all along.

I just want to let go. I want to focus purely on myself and what feels good for me and my family.

SLV

Thanks I had read that post before

and it helped me to make the decision to move city

It felt so reassuring to read it again.

Thanks

JM X

Tinque,

I dunno. I just feel squeamish with that kind of sexy talk, I also got bored with writing it….

I dunno why I feel triggered. I am super introverted so my internal world is VERY vivid. Did you have something in mind?

I remember the first time I posted here (formely Luzy). I wanted tips on how tho get him back. Now it has been almost 2 months and I don’t know if I want him nback anymore, sure sometimes I wonder and feel a bit mad, but I don’t need him.

After learning about CD and keeping my options open I am enjoying the attention of a other men who think I am amazing. Sure I had a few cheap dates, but I have the power to decide if that is what I want or not. I don’t know if “p” will be back and to be honest it doesn’t matter anymore. There is always Next time :)

I remember the first time I posted here (formely Luzy). I wanted tips on how tho get him back. Now it has been almost 2 months and I don’t know if I want him nback anymore, sure sometimes I wonder and feel a bit mad, but I don’t need him.

After learning about CD and keeping my options open I am enjoying the attention of a other men who think I am amazing. Sure I had a few cheap dates, but I have the power to decide if that is what I want or not. I don’t know if “p” will be back and to be honest it doesn’t matter anymore. There is always Next time :)

:) Luzydel…

that’s what happened to me too

“The date would likely flunk as he doesn’t know how to handle
it.

The woman states feelings and boundaries he tries again, he Improves… He heals…”

I like this… kinda like a cycle of healing! :-)

the men that seemed fem energy etc or a lil strange are all confessing to me how they’ve been hurt and are scared

awww

Luzydel,

Same here, but when thursday after he said he was taking me to a comedy show and didn’t show up didn’t bother to at least call to cancel our date, i decided to let go of that “relationship”, i went out with 2 friends friday and meat this handsome and adorable guy who ask for my number he’s taking me out friday and i feel excited about that ! the other one casualy contacted me yesterday “how are u ?” like nothing happened,i didn’t answer, i realise that i’ve been tolerating those king of behaviors and been hoping that this time it will be different but i feel tired of all of it and of him. So i decided to stop this and give somebody else a chance and space to give me what i deserved, and that thought makes me feel content, excited and happy with msyself.

Kisses Sirenas

oh and that they like me.

oh and that one guy that said hes nto interested in chasing at the end of the convo

was texting me and saying he Does like me and we were talking about romance and he feels me

and i texted him i want to see you in that convo i thought i was texting a diff guy !!!

but it turned out well cuz now he knows

Soy sirena
tengo ganas de hacer RIFF en espanol. ahorita mis sentimientos son espanoles. que raro.

how do you use feeling messages in other languages? I mean, that seems weird to say “Me siento muy ________.” Feelings are built into a form of to-be that is especially for feelings and fleeting conditions. “Je me sens tres ______.” Too weird.

Some of my CDs only speak Spanish, and I don’t know if I am using feeling messages right with them. I think feeling messages might be built right into the language already…?

Had to speak to my ex earlier. Feel angry like POW him!

Grrrrawww, rah rah rah to you Mr Man…

Bof, bash, pow, smack, pop, plonk!!!!

decapitated and destroyed by the blue eyed godess!!

Flashing anger through the skies.

me siento triste

me siento feliz de oyer que me quieres

me siento ennojada contigo

tengo miedo … me siento como que tengo miedo?

how do you say scared… asustada??

Ha ha…

Daria, this made me laugh:

“But you will do this man the Hubert favor in the world.”

… I want to do someone a ‘hubert’ favour :-)

I am having important text talk with Air Force guy

as you may guess, I am not a big supporter of US military operations ie war

he tells me he fules the planes as they go on strikes and that they come back and tell them they killed people etc

he sees it as defending the house, not invading

I dont’ see that

beliefs and thoughts arent real so im being open to him

Experiment..

i’ve never dated a military dude cuz I am so against it

this is my first

foray

into this thing i don’t want to be judgemental towarda human

but i am telling him i dont support this

while i still like him

i feel sad

a bit

he’s respecting my views and not tryina change my mind

it feels good that i am able to talk to him this way without feeling attacked or blamed

but i feel sad

because i feel so passionately ANGRY about this ish

and i dont want to be with a man whos mission i don’t support

like if i was with a pimp…

i wouldn’t go for it

he’d have to switch careers

same with military

and a cop

etc

i have to be able to truly support what my man is doing…

and if he’s doing something that feels bad… to know that he’s doing it cuz he’s pressed back against the wall and he is doing the best he can…

i want to Believe in my man’s integrity

yeah it may be cool on a base, friendly and relaxed, not warlike

but that’s not the point

i want to support my man fully

i don’t want to turn a closed eye that that relaxed easy fueling of planes

is going to kill a buncha mothafu9ckas

i mean

i CAN know it does… and even be like, ok, I am in this situation for now

but i KNOW

what this is about

i don’t want to delude myself or justify it or ignore it

i feel shaky and pouty

and heavy in my body

he did not blame me… hes glad we can talk about it.. he keeps an open mind!

=)

this is good

who knows what will happen!

Night Sirens

I feel super yawny.

Feels good to see so much positive progress and learning on this blog right now.

xx

now he’s launching a jet

im like oh sinking

but also like oh i feel relieved we talked

i AM hoping he’ll change his career

he’ll have to to be with me

but… i don’t want to tell him what to do

i was clear i don’t support this…

its like having a man whos a drug dealer

except im much more openminded about that

ok

lets say a man whos a pimp

there we go

sure im fine to date you

but if you want me for your wife… i don’t want to marry a man who i don’t feel good about what he does

i want a man who’s mission in life i support

that would feel safe

otherwise would feel …. weird, confusing, uncomfortable, i’d feel sad

like if it was wwii and dude worked at the prison camp

or if it was present day and he worked at the jail

im like WTF ARE YOU DOING EVEN DOING THOSE JOBS!!!

but i accept that people hold beliefs that don’t serve them or their true honest mission

i know i probably do

they may be in jobs that don’t look good, and actually be good people

but around me i want the man to Find that mission and go for it

i only feel good with that

im feeling confused…

imput?

The Meemee Show,

RE: #268 – Just ahead of your post, I read Daria saying Rori told her to use the blog for her therapy! This is what it is here for! Take care of yourself, girl! Write away!

Why do you work such long hours? Six days a week? That doesn’t sound like taking care of yourself at all!

do i feel good about myself around him?

well i feel kinda powerless and helpless and sad that i am with a man who engages in this actions that result in stuff that i feel so terrified and saddened and outraged by

hmm

i want to receive this lesson

i also want to be openminded

my judgements are not real

i am judging him as blind

and i might be just as blind

who knows

i Do know what feels bad

though

before, i had a boundary that i don’t date men that are in these professions that i don’t feel good about

but now… i wanted to open up to all men

and see how i feel around them in particular

maybe being with me is just what they need to suddenly realize that’s Not what they want

hmm

or maybe now

am i wanting him to change…

well yes

but i also feel open to dating him until he decides

kinda like a man deciding to marry me

do i like that he’s dating other women?

no

but i dont HAVE to drop him…though i could

i could just keep dating him and let him figure out on his own if he is gonna step up and marry me

BUt

i already established that i doint liek hearing about other women

hmm

i dont want to marry a man who’s mission in life i can’t fully support

i feel unsafe and sad and lonely and not “gotten” that way

but i don’t want to expect a man to match every single one of my jdugements and thoughts

hmm

i feel confused again

Rori?

Daria,

Do you know the background of Mr. Rogers of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood? He was a green beret in the military. He felt so bad about having to kill people that after he got out of the military, he devoted the rest of his life to helping children learn joy, happiness, peace, etc.

I felt shocked when I first heard it! He always wore long sleeves to cover his tattoes!

Wha?????

Wow

Daria, re your biz idea. I love it! The way to make money is to create a container for the money to come in – a womb of sorts – and it will be filled.

So you list on a piece of paper all the benefits of doing this program with you, and then check with your intuition for a price. Then just tell people about it, letting go of the outcome, and trusting that in the same way you attract men to you, you will attract clients.

That – in a nutshell – is how to do biz from the feminine space.

I’ve been having the most interesting yoga classes lately! I’ve been doing hot yoga for about 3 years now, and am finally getting into some deep-stretch positions in my hips.

As I sink into stretch in my hips, old old painful memories come up. I believe they were actually stored in that deep muscle tissue somehow.

Today I had a memory of a time when I was very young and fell and sliced my vagina open (ouch, right!?)

I had totally forgotten about it, and now, 30 years later, it comes to the surface to be healed. Amazing!

There must be something about storing trauma in the hips, since they are so close to the sexual organs… Don’t you think?

(just musing here)

I’m watching Dancing with the Stars and I just ate pistachio ice cream and my kitties are taking turns coming up to me for pats and kisses. I feel smilkey, and I am going to go snuggle in my big king size bed and snuggle with my puppies and kitties.

Even tho I don’t have a job yet, I feel optimistic that one is right around the corner. I had a phone interview for a position today that pays a lot more than what I’m currently earning.

I feel happy to be back on the blog, and I missed everyone. I am still in a crisis and can’t really afford the time on here, but it is enjoyable for me. Enjoyment in the midst of a crisis is taking care of me.

The best part of today was going out for lunch for a good-bye party with some of my friends at my department. I rode with Bill in his car and felt so comfortable with him! He knows I’m half in love with him but I keep the conversation just friendly, not flirty, since that’s where he seems comfortable.

And I value all my friends, including you!

Siena,

That is sad that that happened to you, but it is amazing to hear of such deep inner healing. I am repeatedly wowed by how much our emotions are linked to our bodies.

@ Brenda

“I felt shocked when I first heard it! He always wore long sleeves to cover his tattoes!”t

Too funny… :lol: urban myth… the poor man was never in the military.

SLV

Thanks Bren!
” how much our emotions are linked to our bodies.”

It makes sense, though, doesn’t it? Since we feel emotion in our bodies, how my body feels acts as a powerful compass, telling me what’s going on in my spirit.

It’s totally genius. Whoever created that must be pretty smart :-)

Siena – definitely! Tinque does work with this…

and I learned a lot about releasing from Tissues…

mmm i feel yummy thinking about stretching…

Siena – the thing is, I don’t exactly have an idea of how to organize it into a business

the idea so far is

“Teach one tool at a time in a Video”

but … i don’t know how i’d organize it or anything to be a business

for example Lisa, a siren i got in a big argument here way back when – i felt attacked about being me and liking rap –

runs a blog “Rangers against War”

she used to be in the military but now is against war

Daria, the beauty of doing biz as a feminine woman is – you don’t have to know! Just do the next thing that presents itself. That will open up a door to the next thing, and the next, etc. It feels a little scary sometimes, because it requires you (me) to remain completely open and trusting.

Staying connected with the desire and following that desire is what it’s all about.

The structures, processes, “business” stuff is all masculine energy, and they will be brought forward as they need to be. You don’t have to worry – or think – about them at all at this point. :-)

@412: Siena says:

“That – in a nutshell – is how to do biz from the feminine space.”

Unusual. Is that what Rori does? Do you think she has a little money womb at home? LOL :D

SLV

i see that “ranger on the blog is referred to as He”

i suspect it’s She though… i don’t know…

i remember she asked for one of my Riffs to quote before we got into the argument

@Daria

Another way is to do some market research and see what people want to buy and then sell it to them.

Start brainstorming. You already have a web site…branch out1

If you want to do vids for sale decide what your delivery will be, digital, store it in mp4 on amazonaws and work out your payment processor page flows with download links.

Or choose fulfillment house like Kunaki to burn CDs for you and send so you don’t have to hold inventory.

Market on the Internet with free SEO traffic & social media traffic driven by long-tail keywords to pull 1st page in SERPS, or paid media buy & PPC. Something like that … (and get a little womb to put on your desk. :lol: )

Push some squeeze pages w/ freebie for opt in list building/e-mail marketing.

Or set up an affiliate system and rely on supporting your affiliates, Clickbank lets you set up aff program and processes payments w/o having to set up merchant accounts for credit card sales, bargain for $50 or so.

There are many ways to do things…

SLV

Siena – thanks! that feels good

ok… will do

feeling scared that ill do it all for free

and not learn how to make money (yet again)

thank you nvs

so what!

=)

SLv – thanks for the info… that feels very overwhelming to me

but yes, i know those things somewhat

sigh

too overwhelming to me

feels good to just start makin the damn videos for free

and just let people give me money if they want

for now

i’ll see as i go along what feels good

I do some free too — it’s a difficult habit to break for me too.

For me, it was wrapped up in my self esteem (who would want to pay me?). Lol because when I was doing biz from the masculine “thinking” space, I NEVER had any issues with asking for payment.

Then I learned that money is just a form of energy, and it NEEDS to move, or else it gets constipated. Constipation creates disease!

So invoices are like laxatives.

LOL I’m taking it a little far, but you get my drift :-)

@414: Brenda says:

“I’m watching Dancing with the Stars and I just ate pistachio ice cream…”

Yum! I just had Haagen-Dazs “peppermint bark” natural ice cream. It tastes like Christmas!

SLV

Siena,

thx! :)

I’ve wanted to start a reiki practice amongst other things :)

I love your interpretation/view of doing business from feminine energy.

Siena -i feel kinda sad … tell me more

I feel that too… who would want to pay me

i feel sad

i feel worried

i feel worried that if i don’t “make” people pay they won’t

and i don’t want to feel that way

i don’t want to believe that

i want people to spontaneously feel inclined to donate to me lots because they like me and what i am sharing with the world

@Daria

You could give one video for free or put it on your blog and sell a pack of others. You just upload them to amazon like you would to Youtube. I don’t do vids but I know people who do and it’s cheap to host them like pennies. Then people pay you through PayPal and they get a download link to download.

OR

I think hard copy is nice and clean. And less bother. Doesn’t Rori do this?

Go take a look at Kunaki dot com. There are other places as well.

Start small. You have lots of good ideas. Put your posts on ezine articles with hyperlinks. Put up what you already have on your blog as posts. Stick some links back to your blog where you conveniently have sales info.

You can do it! It’s your mission. Goddess info. Dress like a goddess, all that!

Or make our own “goddess collection”
out of things available on Amazon. Sell those products!

OK, I’ll be quiet now…

SLV

Nikita, thank you!

Daria, that “money story” is a BIG one that comes up for women (and men) entrepreneurs.

Many of us have money story. Mine was that I had to work HARD and EARN my money ( doesn’t that feel hard and masculine!?).

The truth is that money is an abundant, renewable resource, and is only a form of energy exchange. It’s neither good nor bad. It’s just neutral. It needs to move.

Whenever you give money, more comes back to you (the whole tithing pronciple

But it’s necessary most of the time to live a comfortable life (which is ou

@ Daria

Plus, I want one of those “Dress like a Goddess” books!

SLV

Whenever you give money, more comes back to you (the whole tithing principle.

You get to choose how much money you receive. It has nothing to do with being worthy or good or anything like that (do you think Paris Hilton has done anything for her money?)

Ugh, I could go on and on… But that’s just a cliff notes version of wealth consciousness. xoxo

@I want people to pay you what your work is worth, you can barter for service or goods if you wish but money is just a convenient medium of exchange.

You can also give stuff for free!!! Just not everything…a girl’s got to eat! :D

SLV

Me too Dorothea. For years, I did biz the conventional way. But as a feminine woman, it never “fit”. I made good money – and totally wore myself out, trying to compete with masculine men (and women) in that space.

And I’d sit back and look at women like Paris Hilton, or some European princess, who didn’t have to earn their money.

It flipped a switch in my heart, and I found coaches who taught me to celebrate my femininity even in business.

And everything has more space now. It’s juicy, it’s luxurious – and I’m not usually bone tired anymore (sometimes I am!)

I feel great hearing it resonates with you!

Dorothea!

Yerba mate!

Why did u, how did u make the switch from coffee and do u add stuff to ur yerba mate ????

not wanting to or feeling afraid to take the natural first steps to get closer to a dream or goal would probably be much less troublesome or roadblocky when approaching ambition the way you described.

yay this awesome. THANK YOU for sharing this wisdom in a way that just turned the light bulb on. i now feel even more sure that i will be successful in lots of wonderful things i have planned :D

I like to have a recipe when i bake my luscious flaky, biscuits. They melt in your mouth with just a smear of butter and strawberry jam or apricot preserves. Yummy, yum.

I make them just the way my mother did and you don’t see us consulting a cookbook, we just do it but we are following a recipe, complete with measurements, you just don’t see it.

SLV

Siena – I really liked your book… would you link it here?

Also,

freakazoids, I’m babystepping but I still “don’t get it”

like, ok i hear it, i think it’s right,

but now what?

how do i get money to come to me?

ps ive given money away almost immediately lots and lots of times

that’s never been an issue

ive often given ALL my money away, just because

it felt fun to say fu9ck you to the belief that i have to hang on hard to it

but sti;l im not like rollin in dough

Siena!

Yes! I did real estate briefly and felt sooooo exhausted I took a major break from work- and focused on dating lol!

But really, the masculine energy part just turned me off I felt sooooo sad and I was soooo tired of fighting for keys and trust! I just couldn’t and I thought I’d like it better than auditioning but nope!

I want a business !!! A Girl one a soft magnetic one!

Thank u Daria for bringing this stuff up!!

triggered:

fu9ck it ill just stay poor

who cares

thank you deep nvs

i love you

feelin triggered already and overwhelmed

i want someone to handhold me till the money pours in

i tried to get a biz coach, but i went broke before i could finish paying her

nikita show
my switch was drinking coffee like crazy and then one day suddenly switching. it was less painful than i thought it would be. i dont crave coffee anymore. it’s still yummy though mmmm

do u have teabags or loose mate?

sad Daria

if i’m so great and it’s all so wonderful why isn’t everyone going and clicking my donate button

well some people are

“it’s not enough” – great a wealth killer

thanks nv 1 and nv 2

i love you and so what

i INTEND TO LEARN

even if i feel sad powerless not good enough lethargic

i choose to heal anyway

that feels better like smiling

and giggling

Thanks Daria! It’s a free download on my website JoyfulSupport.com (right-side, near the bottom of the page)

“how do i get money to come to me?”

Are you open to doing a little money exercise that will reveal that answer?

First, think of an amount of money you’d like to receive, and then double it. (this works better in person, but it’ll do here)

Once you’ve come up with the amount of $ that is the doubled amount, think of the first person/relationship that comes to mind. (actually, try to root into your gut/intuition when you think of the relationship, and come back with the honest, first answer)

We’ll start there…What relationship came to mind, and how would you describe it?

@Daria
“..feelin triggered already and overwhelmed..”

I hope I didn’t overwhelm, I was excited about our prospects and i’ve probably had too much sugar. I had ice cream earlier and now a coffee with biscuit and jam. I’ll probably be up all night… :lol

SLV

yes I AM OPEN

$ 500

$1000

that guy in Toronto
my Dad

UMMM I would describe it as I DONT WANT TO BE DEPOENDENT ON THESE PEOPLE

FU(CK YOU!!!! (not you siena)

feeling like crying!!!!

SOOOO MAD

SWOSOOSOOSOSOS FU3CKIN MAAAAAAAAAAAD

“After that, each day was like coming up out of a coma, little by little. I began to get glimpses of the stunning mermaid that lives inside. I began to envision a glorious, loving man treating me like gold. ”

Beautifully said Brenda.
I am now working on just this envisioning.
I am familiar with the whole “manifesting” game , which has been discussed here previously
I envisioned myself rich, better shaped body, working less hours , ex husband no longer trying to control my independence, fitter, calmer, changing my work focus ,having 3 months off, writing , really reinventing many things in my life.

And yet I struggled to see myself being treated like gold, precious to one special hot man.
Well the Universe has provided

and I mean the whole list that I did envision… but first I got cancer.

I now am looking in the mirror at a miraculously transformed body , beautiful new breast (and other one being matched up soon) and an AMAZING tummy tuck which has given me firm inner thighs and vastly reduced love handles..I cried in pleasure when the top dressings were taken down today.

And money? Well after the insurance companies quit arguing i will be likely to be paid under trauma insurance , and THAT means , less hours work and 3 months off. And energy to write.

My whole list is ticked …I just had to get cancer first. BUT its officially now cured, non invasive DCIS, no chemo , no drugs.

So as to manifesting the relationship i want…
I am seriously struggling to imagine being treated so well, to be with a man who knows how to communicate and commit.. and I begin to feel just how vital this envisioning is !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brenda , how did you begin to envision yourself as the mermaid being treated like gold?
This is where I struggle.
Do you write about it? Feel it?

It doesnt help that Mr Unavailable 5 year man -crack came to visit me and wants to care for me at home for a little while soon.

I feel like punching straight thru this computer and making a hole in it and watching the glass shatter nad the blood around my ARM

I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMEEEEEAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDddddddd

UGH

clench teetch

KILLL HKILLLL KILL L L I AM SOSOSOS SOAMMDAD ADNADFKADNFKLSANDKFLNSADK LFJSKADLJFKLASDJFLKASDJF LKADSJFLK JADSflkjsdaklfjdaslkfjlkdsajfklsadjflkjslkfjsdlkafjslkdfjlksafjl;skdafjaksldjf;lkasd jfklawdsjfokwjftiowea;r

how can i hurt this keyboard more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

omg i vampire screamed till i drooled!

omg

wow

i feel like weak
gotta get water

omg feel like crying

cryinggg

Daria, wow! That emotion is wonderful!!

Now – what do you have to do to heal that anger and restore that relationship to a place where it feels good again?

If a woman can manage a household and children, she can manage a business. Feminine organization skills required, other feminine skills too…

SLV

It would be so much better if I was there with you.

But there – in a nutshell – is why that $1K isn’t coming to you.

We hold money and relationships in the same house, and often, until we heal one, the other isn’t healed.

You could have equated $1K with just about any person you’ve ever known, but you equated it with a relationship(s) that holds some anger for you.

Just like a man won’t want to come around if you’re angry with him, money won’t.

How does that feel to you?

Siena – just processing, not meaning to actually attack you:

i feel angry and I hear “DUH!”

“thats pretty obvious!!! tell me something I Didn’t know!

– so are you gonna help me or what?”!!!

Now – what do you have to do to heal that anger and restore that relationship to a place where it feels good again?

UMMMMM DONT YOU THINK IVE TREID EVERYTHING IN MY FU(CKIN PISSIBLE LIFE TO DO THIS

DONT YOU SEE ME FUC(KIN TRYING EVERDAY

HOW THE FU(CK AM I SUPPOSED TO HEAL THIS RELATIOSNHIP WITH MY DAD WHEN ALL I FUC(KIN DO IS THAT

DUH

DUH

ISNT THAT ALL I DO ANYWAY

>>> HUH???????

SO IF IT NEVER HEALS ILL ALWAYS BE BROKE??

FOR REAL??

I FEEL LIKE HITTING YOU WITH THIS BRICK RIGHT NOW

AND THAT CANDA DUDE

HEAL WITH HIM?

FU(CK HIM

HE HAS TO SEND ME 6000 dollars

THATS HOW

FOR ALL THAT SHIT HE PUT ME TRHU

AND NOW

FOR NOT BEING THERE FORM E WHEN HE SAID HE WOULD

I FEEL LIKE STRANGLING HIS LITTLE NECK

/AND HITTING HIM WITH THIS BOARD

TILL HIS FOREAHEAD BLEEDS

UGH

I FEEL SO MAD

I FEEL ANGRY

this iS HOPELESSSSs

I HAVE TO FUC#KIN HEAL MY RELATIONSHIO WITH MY DAD?

TO GET MONEY

with MY DAD??????????

THATS IS ALLL

I DO

I S WORK

ON HEALING MY FUC(KIN RELATIONSHOP

WITH MY MOM AND DAD

I HATE YOU

I HATE THIS

I AM SOBBBING ABAGIN

I HATE THISSSSS

i am sobbing

this is so fuc98ikin unfair

i want to kill someond

UGHHHHHHH

SO ANGRY

so sobing

so crying

frustration

powerlessness

more crying

rockin bakc an forth

Siena – now what? just cry and riff this trhu?

will that be enough?

i feel helpless

i dont want to be alone

i feel sad

hlep me please

i feel so desperate

Daria, hugs to you – seriously!!

So, here’s the thing. That’s the relationship you equate with $1K. If you keep doing this exercise, and cone to an amount that feels good – that feels juicy, receptive, open and feminine… Then that’s the amount you set an intention for.

That’s the amount you might sell your videos for or when someone asks you how much you want/need, that’s the amount you say.

Focus on the amount that feels good, expect to see it start flowing into your life (just like you do with men) and it will.

I’m not trying to say any of this is easy. Living in this feminine space can be very emotional and difficult.

…but it works.

feeling alone bent and sad weak

i notice the two people who came to mind are the only two men that i think would be able to support me with money securely right now

but theyre not

not in a way that feels good

i feel sad

i love my crumpleness

i feel scared i scared Siena off

i love my feelings

i feel angry being left in all this processing alone

alone
always alone

who gives a fu9ck about me

nobody thats who

i feel sad

i feel downcast

i love my feelings

i am sinking into the downcastness and now i am feeling giggly

hehe

hehe

i YELLED

im a BIG GIRL

hehehehehe

Regarding how to heal it – yes! Sink into it, sink into the soup, riff it out – however you deal with the emotions when they come up in relationships, do that for your money house too.

If I was there, I’d give you a big hug, and pour us both a big ol’ glass of wine. xoxo

Nah, you didn’t scare me off. :-)

I totally understand that this isn’t about me, and I’m happily holding the space for you. :-)

Siena – k, this feels exciting! thank you!

do i still start with an amount and double it?

and then check my feelings?

about it? or people?

how do i find the juicy amount

mmm

12000 is what i wanted

before

13 is a female number

but i feel questioning

feel good with: i dono

0 !!! feels really good to me

it felt AWESOME when i knew i had 0 dollars

so… that feels confusing

now what

Dorothea,

I have the bags….i looked for loose but trader joes just had the bags and i recognized the packaging from 5 years ago when my gf brought it home for me to try….I was drinking TONS of coffee….now not so much -maybe 2-3 cups…. but I feel more sensitive to it…as though im drinking 6 cups…. but I quit smoking almost a year ago and im just not reacting the way i did, coffee was my comfort to get through the smoking and now i feel stronger, like i could do the same thing u did and just switch….

SLV , you know so much , and Siena .

I have some great ideas for audio marketing (i do hypnosis ) and want to get started. i dont even have a website!! Its so good to see wehats out there, or in HERE really.

0 dollars would feel good as in actuality I am in debt

but,

wouldnt it feel nice to have more?

ew ick no

infinity would feel nice

a big storm of money

I dont want to pick a number

but if i Wanted to pick a number

i would pick

13 dollars

okay

pft

well that will work too

lol

13 * 13 = 169

13 ^ 13 = 302,875,121,000,000

that looks nice…

more numbers

what if it was ok to pick ANY number

Daria would like to pick

10,000!

100,000!

mmm

yum

80,000

lovely

40,001
hehe!!!

500, that is SEXY

feels a lil bit uncomfortable with the prostitution aspect of 500 (??) and 5000 but

Pomba Gira doesn’t judge

i love my feelings

7

70

790

its raining cash

halelulaj

sigh

hehe

Daria, you think of an amount, double it, and then think of the first relationship that comes to mind, and go from there!

As much as possible, try to “feel” your way into an amount – not think it.

Haha, 0 feels good, but that’s NO money, so don’t stop there! Find another amount that feels good – anything above zero. Keep going as high as you can and still feel good, and then attract it in, just like you would a man.

For me, I start with being very grateful for the man (or $ amount) that is currently in my life, and then I check in with my heart and pelvis and start dreaming from that place.

BTW, last month, doing this exercise, I brought in $50,000. I did not work hard to earn it, I attracted it. I don’t say this for any other reason than to illustrate that remaining in the feminine space and attracting it in works!!

Haha Daria, love it!

Another thing – you might want to put a “why” behind the money.

What: $790
Why: because it would feel good to receive it and I need to pay my phone bill. Stick with that as long as you need to until the “how” and “when” to receive that money is revealed.

NO bulldozers

just gathering yummy stuff from the beautiful forest

and worship from those coming to the Goddess

Siena ! cool!

I actually just did this exercise on blog a couple days ago

unfortunately I’ve done this exercsie MANY times and it NEVER worked

and I am invested in it NOT working

WHY?

because having money means opressing people

thats why

an dI don’t want to opress people

no matter whta you say

freakin dollar bills show me faces of the suffering and tortured

I HATE money

I hate money and I hate business

I just like WILD things

and pretty things

and games

and free

FREEDOM

i like freedom and that is FREE

like 0

free

Daria, perhaps the money will just come to you via a very good marriage or some other way we haven’t thought of. The possibilities are limitless! Maybe you’ll get stopped on the street and asked to star in the next blockbuster!. There are SO many ways to receive it! It will come to you when you’re doing something you love! Believe it and you will see it.

Okay, signing off. Feeling sleepy and would like some tea.

Nighty night!

20,000 ;)

i thought of….my buddy and my lover…and briefly my dad but not really because my dad is not wealthy enough to write me a check for 20,000

and i only felt a subtle fearfulness coming from the other side…..

mmmm……

i like this !! go Daria and Siena!!

yay… i feel learned :)

Or Daria, maybe somehow you’ll be in a position where you don’t need money. Or you have so much that you won’t be able to give it away quickly enough! Who knows, the possibilities are endless!

The important point is that you feel taken care of as a feminine woman. However that happens is good!!

xoxo

Siena – thank you

feeling disappointed

Awesome Nikita!

In the exercise, it’s not important to think how you will receive the money (as in, my dad will give it to me). All you need to do is understand how you feel about the relationship – because it’s the way you feel about recieving that amount of money. It’s an exercise to reveal blocks. And in releasing those blocks, abundance flows.

Okay. Seriously. Tea time. Night!

if u dont drink mate very often it will make u feel a little cracked out. which can be fun:D

otherwise i find that i can drink it late, feel energized from it, but be able to go to bed when it’s time to go to bed. mate is the best <3

make it like regular tea – not boiling but steamy hot hot water, add a little sweetner if it's too bitter. i use honey. yumm.

except i'm not eating any sugar so not right now, no honey for me

Hi Daria,

I also have a military man as a CD right now – definitely a first for me also! It seems that my feminine-energy self is attracting very masculine men! It’s been very eye-opening for me!

My Marine guy really knows how to treat a woman – I think they must be taught how to be gentlemen! He plans awesome surprise dates (just tells me what shoes to wear! we often go dancing) and always keeps his word. Did you know that men are supposed to walk on the “outside” of you down the sidewalk, so that you are not “on display”? That was totally new to me! I always feel very appreciated for just “being” and giving my time and sharing my feelings. I wonder if some of these men *really* just need that feminine balance in their life.

On our first date I let myself get really wrapped up in listening to his stories about Afganistan and when he talked about the men who died over there, my eyes started welling up with tears. He kindof fawned over me when that happened.

This was difficult for me, because I have very different feelings about our military presence in certain areas of the world. But he wasn’t asking for my opinion. It felt better to me to just listen, not judge, and get out of my analyzing brain. Fortunately, its easier for me to swallow because he was overseeing the building of schools and government centers… but I don’t want to kid myself either. Because we are there, people on both sides are dying, so I just expressed how bad it felt to hear that.

Other pluses of a military dude are that they are fit, are relationship-oriented, and tend to have career/future plans. He’s into finances and has just started getting into real estate, which he now wants to focus on.

The down side: he’s a Republican and I am very liberal, him and his buddies seem homo-phobic, and well… he is so into me that it scares me! The gifts have started coming and I am not used to this. I’m trying my hardest to use all of my Rori tools and receive, receive, receive!

Daria – I feel a little bad that my message is so long and focused on my situation rather than yours, but I hope that maybe you would enjoy another perspective. I certainly liked reading yours! I wouldn’t want you to compromise your boundaries or not stay with your gut of course, but who knows… maybe this guy will surprise you!

I read the blog almost everyday for strength, so I feel happy to have the chance to (sporadically) contribute. Thanks beautiful Sirens! :)

50,000

*

2

____________

100,000

= mom ;)

hehe….. my mom….i feel mommy and two breasts …………..rich……. (i was breastfed) land of milk and money ; lol!

I feel nervousness…. i feel…scared of taking advantage of her…

I feel, aw …I don’t want to hurt my mommy by TAKING from her….

wow….tight breathing constricted in my chest and a fleeting craving for a cigarette wow subtle….

I know that every cig craving I had is / was my desire to disconnect…. wow…..

very subtle….very soft….

I feel hungry,

but I ate!

mmm…I’m going to get some hemp milk….

maybe I need milk :-/

oh OK!! thx Siena,

Good night :)

Dorothea!

wow!

tell me more please!

I remember buzzing a little and being silly that day…

but I only had it twice and it was that week….

I love that I could have it before bed….

something about the vibration of coffee I just don’t feel as connected to….like it doesn’t hit the spot anymore but….I’d like to have afagato- or
cappuccino for a desert or a treat but no more starbucks! unless its chai latte again….I stopped eating meat too…..not strictly but I just stopped craving beef (I am the queen of steak and eggs)

so…….basically something is shifting in my diet…and I feel excited about the mate!!

dorothea.

it looks green :(

I thought it steeped like black tea….ugh…I’m very visual…is yours green? or brown liquid???

yah im back to where I ALWAYS wind up working on money

I love me

so what if it was OK to want money

what if it wasn’t BAD or full of suffering

whta if it was GOOD for me to want it?

I would want 50,000 right now

and 1,000,000 next year

yay

i don’t WAnt to double my amounts!

but what if it was good to double them?

ok

100,000 $

thoughts Italian guy

feelings overwhelm to the moeny, disappointed by Italian guy who disappeared over a week ago

2,000,000

person that Maria Video Queen lady

feeling curious , open eyed, happy, excited

Deb – cool :)

I feel… open

and unsure

Speaking of men ..ahem
Here in hospital i have CD’d quite amazingly given i am trussed like a turkey.

My first ever BF ,(when I was 15 ) .. lets call him M Man
Well now he has been “engaged” for 10 years , until very recently . She refused marriage. Looks like they are through. He’s visiting in a few mins , probably needs a friendly ear ..Thats ok , I’ll do feeling messages. He has been VERY supportive of me.

Then there Mr man -crack , G man ,- silently scheming to see me again soon, currently several thousand Kms over the sea.

Three others calling and texting support , friendly dates I see from time to time , they all have “GF’s” in their lives.But thats ok, they are not married.

I flirted with the young male nurses and even another patient kept ‘popping by” )(with his urethral reconstruction :) )

And thats just since i had my surgery 8 days ago.

Yaay for CD’ing , any and everywhere, NO EXCUSES

ok, so like 3 men are tryna see me tonie and i feel like eh

i dono

eek the chai lattes at starbucks turn me into an anxious jitterbug.

i’m sticking to the soy strawberries and creme for my treat there. except…no sugar right now…so later on:)

well, i’ll just have to admit it– i’m clueless about why men come forward or back off… for what reasons, etc.

because it’s their own reasons, i suppose,
but i find it very annoying to spend time thinking about it… which, i know, rori would say “DON’T spend time thinking about it”… which, that’s her whole point anyway… loool

but i keep getting a little suckered in…

i want it to be MY game :) LOL

honestly though, i don’t want to play somebody else’s game (men’s)
i don’t mind playing mine…
i know this is an indication of me not “being there” in my program yet, but i want to put it out there that i recognize where i am and where i am not yet.

im tired of dealing with imaginary everythings.

like tonight i wanted to do something (i won’t bore you all with the details) and i finally thought, oh, no! that just keeps the whole cycle going…
so instead of doing what i sometimes do, well, alot of the time do, i just turned around and bit the bullet and stood up straight and marched over and did the REAL thing, the thing that’s the truth of the situation, dealt with how it IS rather than trying to make or shift or slide over into another reality of the situation.
‘no! this is the cold hard fact.
i will deal with this.
i will stand up straight.
and if something more needs to be done, i know i can do it.
period.

…plus… i hereby solemnly swear to quit doing do-overs!
here’s whats happening, im embarrassed to admit this, but it is:
i am stepping up and speaking my truth and letting the chips fall as they may… sometimes i don’t hear from the online men again, which feels just fine because i had my boundaries and felt my feelings and spoke my words and if that doesn’t suit them, then i feel fine that they leave.

but what’s bugging me about what i’m doing is that sometimes i’m being truthful and authentic and THEN after sending that email, i have gone back and reread it then sent a “followup” email ooh bad!!
ooh i can see why rori says NO DO-OVERS!

got to quit that!
because in the two cases that ive done that, i’ve cross-emailed with the men and both times they were saying, “oh, i like what you said, you sound honest” etc., (and one time i started to send a do-over but DIDN’T and he wrote back, “oh, i like what you said”…)
but to me it just sounded very harsh and bitchey and growl-ey when i re-read it, like “arrrgr bitch” but they just seem to find it “Okay, i hear what you said”.
then here i am cross posting with them and coming back in under myself, undercutting myself and saying something else or something more or blahblah and it just fizzles the whole connection…

very interesting!!

i mean if there was a real connection there in the first place it wouldn’t make any difference, i believe that for sure
and i don’t have time to mess around with men i don’t have a connection with … maybe next summer, but right now, i just dont have the time…
so it’s okay in that regard

but still…

it just makes me aware of how much men just would rather just hear the “straight shit” even though that’s not the way I would state it to ANYONE else in my life, not my boss or my sister or my friends, parents, etc… but that they really and truly would just rather hear it “straight up” no ice, no water back!

plus, to me, men who cut me off when i talk in woman-speak are just a pain in the ass anyway!
\
sorry….. ; )

but i really feel that way and am seeing that from these online guys…
my god man, if you don’t like the way women express themselves verbally when they’re just being a woman, what ELSE don’t you like about women?

this is my gut feeling about it.

i want them to “indulge me” a little perhaps when i feel comfotable enough with them to speak in woman-speak.

yes, that’s it!!!

i feel like if a man doesn’t like to hear me talk the way i talk as a woman, that HE will find me to be a pain in the ass, too much trouble, he doesn’t want to have to “put up with that”, it’s nonsense, just say what you mean, why can’t you just say it??

oooh, ive heard those words before!!

yipes!!
alarm bells going off.

but thank the lord in heaven, Im not triggered!! i don’t feel any, no maybe just a teensy bit of tightness in my muscles contracting, yes, four or five times, a teeny bit of vibration going through but no panic bells, no hyperventilating, no shaking, watery eyes, vortex swirling grey tornado anger, no! none of that this time!

just the realization that i don’t want what i don’t want for a REASON, even if i don’t know what it is at the moment,\
so i don’t have to explain it to anybody,
including myself
i just have to honor it.

i don’t use sweetener for ANY-TING ;)
lol

i am not a green tea fan…..

i added the hemp and i like it…I just won’t look =)

I like rooibos……love chai……english breakfast and earl grey…but I need more oomph!

I read that mate was good for weight loss! Wha?

sign me up… I gained 10 pounds when I quit smoking and can’t fit my cute clothes (at least not in a ladylike way) hehe…camel tow- cough, cough..hehe

yay for Rosa !

CDing ANYWHERE!!
even in her Power Houseshoes and her goddess gown in the hospital :) loool

((hugs)) rosa!!

janjune

hehe hot male nurse…

nice…virtual high-5 !!!!

then on the cool news front,
tonight this young black guy was standing behind me at the meat market, i turned around to look out the door and he caught my eye and right at that second he started walking over to me, nodding his head up and down, with a great big beautiful smile on his face, our eyes were locked, and when he got over to me he bent over and said “umm, how ya doin’ ta’nite?’ his voice was really deep!! woohoo for hormones, mine were rushing!
i didn’t say anything, just kept smiling a little smile back at him and held his eyes, he turned around again as he was walking by, cocky like, and smiled again, still nodding…
ooh, i felt like he was really seeing me, the goddess, the siren, the woman who loves being a woman and wants men to know it! it felt really good!
mmmmmmmwwwwaaahh to beautiful sexy stokin’ hot black guy with the cock of the walk walk tonight!! kisskisskisskisskiss loool

now if i can just break out some of this hot stuff with men on real dates!!! haha!! it will happen for me, it will i know!!
i just still feel a little or rather pretty tight around dating, real dates, going out, with real men.
but then in another way i can’t wait.
but i want to feel safe.
and i don’t want to feel pushed.

i want to work on loosening this tightness!
i think i know how but i just don’t know how yet haha!!
just don’t have it in my consciousness yet, but i really feel like im heading toward loosening it and being okay.

then 3 or 4 other men, when i was out shopping, just kept staring at me until i looked at them. they weren’t looking at my butt or my body but my FACE, looked right straight into my eyes and smiled great big generous no holding back smiles and *they* held my eyes for the five or six seconds or until we passed… :):):)

it felt so good.
i wasn’t waterwheeling.
i wasn’t doing open heart.
i was just in my own fountain with my own energy going up into the air and coming back down over me, splashing down cool-ly on me and in a pool around my feet.

i feel so happy to know that men can feel this!!

its just like rori says, getting their love just being a girl… we don’t have to *DO* ANY thing.

i love men!!

@Tinque 347 –

No problemo… Just keep talking :D

And Daria, you are right, i need to first shift the giving thing down to zero. So then I can slowly grow back into it.
The problem I am facing from time to time is finding the right way between leaning back and “ignoring”.
I am afraid of doing it wrong (as I have did before), and he told me I seemed cold and absent minded. When I asked, he said it was because e.g. I didn’t look at him as much as i used to. I was too really busy with myself the past weeks…so that can also be the reason why.
But at least now I know!!! So I can do better.

And yes, I will give again when I really feel secure about why I do it!

i may have two online men that i actually want to go out with though.

i think im trying to ruin it because i don’t want to go out yet.

saying, well, if he doesn’t like *this* then there’s no use in going out with him anyway because it would just come up later at a different time, in a different situation, and then i might have feelings for him then and it would be harder to deal with. so it’s just better to find out now before i ever meet them.
that’s what i’m saying.

and im telling myself that they might think i don’t look like my picture, which is ridiculous because i’ve been told that i *do* look like my picture by online men i *have* met.
or that they will look me up and down as im walking toward them for the first time, to size me up, to see if I’m “good enough” for them, to see if they would *do* me.
that pisses me off. f*ckhead. you deciding if you’d do me… doesn’t even matter unless i’d do you, so just keep your judgments and your requirements for a woman to be good enough for you to yourself. pffftt lol
riffing
i feel like if a man does that to me again, i would just turn on my heels and get back in my car and leave. it was so obvious. grrrrr

so i just feel pissed thinking about this stuff and don’t want to deal with it.
id rather have the men who want my attention, like tonight, step in front of my field of vision and place themselves in front of me and thereby, *ask* for my attention, rather than me running some random rat track of men who are only looking at me as a way of satisfying them. and i don’t mean just sexually either,. im not there to satisfy them. i don’t care if they think a woman’ s value is in what she can do for them and pamper them and be useful to them!!!

IM NOT GOING TO DO IT!!! lol

GOSH, YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT TEA, … I WANT TO GO MAKE SOME :)
oops all caps :)

mmm organic green with lemon myrtle, whole foods, on sale, very light, decaf

Rosa,

RE: #457 – You said, “Brenda , how did you begin to envision yourself as the mermaid being treated like gold?
This is where I struggle.
Do you write about it? Feel it?”

First, you are so brave! I feel amazed and sad about your surgery, knowing the pain and trauma you have just gone thru yet having such a beautiful, brave attitude! I prayed for you, and I will pray now for a speedy recovery. You are a very strong woman, and welcome back!

It has been an endeavor of decades to increase my self-esteem. I have worked through self-help books, journaling, visualizing, and through intentionally doing things that were out of my comfort zone that felt like honoring myself.